See You in '08

I am very frustrated. It’s getting very cold here and I must throw in the towel to winter.

Its four weeks until I head to tropical paradise and I am trying to restrain my excitement. I need to deal now with the drab depressing reality of winter…face it like a man. If I think too much about vacation I’ll work myself into a tizzy prematurely. Premature tizzalation.

I have to travel to South Georgia on News Year day to a funeral for Gigi’s step father. He was a good guy and I will have a drink and toast in his honor. He made us laugh and we loved him.

Thursday I travel to Asheville NC and they expect a snow storm of 6 to 8 inches. Can you say that sucks too?

It’s been raining which is good but the dogs stay muddy…red North Carolina clay mud.

I had to actually work today. I thought I was only going in to check the mail.

I had to spend $496 on my truck today. The ball joint, Johnson Rod, or whatever went out and it was pulling to the left when I braked.

It’s New Years Eve and I am packing to travel to South Georgia.

I hate to have events unplanned. I know the guy couldn’t help that he died. Okay, road adventure, yeah. Gigi, her brother Pat and I will go. Her Dad Larry will stay back and watch the horses. Okay, we’re done.

No wait, I’m going and we will get a house sitter…okay but I don’t like changes. No wait, Larry will stay back and we get a house sitter. Wherever! Make up your minds!

Happy New Year all.

Different Stuff

Jeep Update

Santa was very good to me as always.

This year the old merry guy knew about my Jeep that I bought in February and somehow knew I wanted a few cosmetic and practical add-ons.

The most dramatic accessory to date is a stainless steel overlay on the front grill. I spent a few hours yesterday installing the grill. For once everything went fairly well until I got to the end. I had to push some nuts under the grill with my middle finger and get the bolts started on the other side. The task was impossible until I poured some molasses on my finger to make the nut stick in place while I got the bolt started.

The effect of the grill turned out just as I wanted. The Jeep looks angry.

Santa also brought me new factory mirrors that I hope will stay in adjustment and a bikini top for the heat of summer.

Pictures of the Jeep are to follow when it stops raining.

Yes, I said raining. We so desperately need rain and we have had maybe 3 inches in the past 10 days. We are about 16 to 20 inches short for the year depending on location.

I was at my local grocer a few minutes ago picking up man food the football games today. I needed wings, pizza, plus the traditional New Year stuff southerners eat like collards and black eye peas.

There was a gorgeous woman in a line checking out so I pulled in right behind her for a few stolen glances. The little goober faced check out boy said, “Sir, number 7 is open with no waiting!”

Crap…may plans were spoiled and I politely moved the line where the old lady has hair like a cumulus cloud.

Contraptions that Work

Yesterday I tragically lost my Bunn coffee maker. Gigi hasn’t been sleeping well so she got up at some unreal hour and made a pot of coffee.

Apparently the holding tank breeched and water poured all over the counter. Bless her heart; she saved me a cup albeit cold until I woke up. I don’t mind cold coffee.

This Bunn was a fine contraption. It made good coffee fast. It has a holding tank inside so a pot of coffee is ready in literally 3 minutes.

I stopped by Lowes on the way into work to pick up a new Bunn. I was tempted by the other fancy machines at the same price. I stuck with the tried and true for about $120. I tend to stick with things that work for me like vacation spots and relationships.

In the old days before drip coffee you used either a stove top percolator, or an electric percolator. A stove top pot was only a few bucks. The coffee had a unique smell and taste. It took forever, maybe 30 minutes to make.

Back then you had maybe 4 or 5 brands of coffee to choose from. There was always Maxwell House, Luzianne with chicory, and if you were real fancy you bought Eight O’clock whole beans and had them ground in the store. I used to love stick my nose in the bag and breath in deeply after it was ground.

That chicory coffee was nasty. It tasted like clabbered egg yolks with dirty feet and a hint of something else bad tasting.

People used to put weird stuff in their coffee like salt and egg shells. I am not making that up, egg shells. My dad used to put a few shakes of salt in before cooking the coffee 30 minutes. He usually did this on Saturday when it was his day to fix coffee.

Gigi’s Polish grandmother used to boil a pot of water and coffee grounds with egg shells and then strain the mess into a cup. I drank a cup once and it was stout. No fancy coffee makers for them.

My only gripe with most coffee makers is the spout where you pour coffee does a poor job most of the time. Older coffee pots had a clearly defined spout and where you pointed and tilted, it poured without a mess. You could fill a cup in a second. Now I must be gentle and pour slowly so the coffee will go in the cup and not on the counter.

Things Running Through my Mind

I never did like films where people throw pies, food or water at each other indoors. The whole time I worry about damage and the clean up.

Same holds true with those old cute Walt Disney films where a bear cub breaks into a cabin and spills flour all over the place. It’s just messy and not funny.

I don’t think it is funny when people fall down. I worry if they are hurt.

I find I am leaving the fly open on my pants more and more. Not a lot but more than I used to. I left my fly open today until about 10:30 when I used the restroom. I feel like a forgetful old fart. I hope I don’t start getting that white stuff in the corner of my mouth.

I don’t like to talk to my wife about whom she dated or who I dated before I married her. It makes me jealous after all these years.

This is the ugliest time of the year. It is dark, cold, wet and all the trees look dead.

Last night I/Gigi secured a house sitter for when we go to St Croix in February. I worry about my animals and now I can relax.

Run your tongue around in your mouth. Doesn’t it feel familiar? That is your own little private world that no one else will ever experience from your perspective.

I love Ginger Snaps. They are damn near as hard as my teeth. I love the way the ginger burns a little in my mouth. I can eat 3 or 4 and settle my sweet urge with a minimum of calories.

I hated stirrup pants when they were in fashion. They looked bad on everybody. It used to make Gigi so mad that I hated them yet she would wear them anyway. I have two pairs of shorts she hates and they are my stirrup pants of sorts. Oh sweet justice.

I called my mother on Christmas Day and she made me laugh as hard as I have ever laughed. Her wit caught me off guard. I love her and I am so lucky to still have her.

I have three pound and a half bags of frozen South Georgia shrimp in my camper and not a day goes by that I don’t think about them. Enough turkey and ham, I want shrimp.

I'm Chillin'

I have transitioned to a trendy cool person with the addition of an ipod itouch and nearby Panera Bread.

As you may recall I did not, nor have I ever splurged and bought myself an ipod. Well Gigi bought me a fancy smancy top of the line one for Christmas.

I dearly love this contraption. On the practical side I now have all my contacts from Outlook, my calendar and pictures. From the fun stance, this thing has Wi-Fi so I can surf the Internet, look at videos, and still store more songs than I have ever heard in my life. Plus I uploaded two DVD’s so I can watch movies when I work out.

Today I went out to lunch to flex my coolness to Panera Bread. They just opened this new one in front of my office and it is the place to eat lunch. You see beautiful yuppie women there with their workout suits on and a pony tail coming out of the back of their ball cap, and sensitive guys with names like Andrew talking in feminine voices to their children.

I cruised in, ordered a grilled salmon salad and tooled over to my table to begin being cool. I hooked up the wi-fi and checked my email.

My buzzer went off and I went up to the counter to pick up my salad.

When I envision a piece of grilled salmon, I somehow expect that it should have been grilled recently. This fish was grilled at some point but now it was icy cold. The dressing on the salad was so tart that I couldn’t help but make sour faces I make when something is sour.

To top it off I ordered water but really wanted a diet coke. Cool people always drink water at these places.

I decided to watch a video I uploaded and it was a national geographic special I wanted to see. So I’m eating this sour ass salad with cold fish watching an alligator eat a snake.

This wasn’t working for me but I got through it and next time I’ll be more relaxed and choose a better film to watch during lunch plus get the diet coke.

Twas the Day After Christmas

Yesterday continued to be entertaining as the evening progressed on.

My FIL is socially inept as I pointed out before. He is also suffering dementia.

If you listen to his attempt at conversation he will eventually start over much like The Weather Channel or Headline news.

At one point in his past, maybe a few years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes that was induced by a treatment for low blood platelets. After the treatment was over so was the diabetes. Him having diabetes stuck in his brain.

Yesterday about once an hour he would tell us that he has diabetes and I would tell him he doesn’t have it anymore and he would get all happy and excited. This rediscovery would happen every hour or so and he would be happy all over again until he forgot it a few minutes later.

It was like having your own version of Fifty First Dates playing in front of you.

My MIL kept talking about how great her dust buster was and how it was a pleasure to use and we should have one, bla, bla. She has her wits about her but when she got on this dust buster jag it went on and on. I thought I was going to have to promise to buy one.

At my house we can fill a dust buster in seconds. Plus Cedie goes crazy and any motor so I might as well fire up a real vac if I plan to vacuum.

It is so great to have the holidays over. We don’t do much for New Years Eve except cook traditional Southern dishes for good luck. The preparation started yesterday when I rescued the ham hoc from the Christmas Ham. Good traditional eating will follow.

The Afternoon

I apparently am a bit of a stalker especially when it comes to stalking Cruzans.

Michael said he and Terry were going to spend Christmas day on Buck Island. It’s not like I didn’t have a thrilling plan for my day so I turned on the Webcam Watcher and grabbed a cam pointed to Buck Island. I figured we could go back and watch their day later after I experienced mine. More on the Buck Island Cam later.

So I fixed a delightful Christmas breakfast and called everyone. Larry was nowhere to be found. I told Gigi and her mother that if Larry is dead then he’ll be dead forever. My breakfast however was at its peak and would rapidly decline if I didn’t eat now. I abandoned my search for Larry and ate breakfast.

It would serve him right if he stroked out. He refuses to take blood pressure meds.

Larry came stumbling up from the barn about 20 minutes later. He doesn’t appreciate the difference between good food and bad food. He covers it all with ketchup so it all tastes the same.

Then we all set out as a family and waited for Gigi’s brother to show up. We like to open presents and eat together but this doesn’t always happen in this family. By 2:06 PM we are all bored shitless with each other and I am thinking about how fun it will be to go to work tomorrow.

BIL showed up and he whips out a Polaroid camera and starts taking pictures. I didn’t know anyone had one of these anymore and I certainly didn’t think you could buy film for one.

A while earlier my MIL whipped out a cassette and asked that I play it. I told her I discarded my tape player just before the millennium and she looked at me like I was crazy.

Okay, here is my video from Buck Island. Do you guys see yourself?

Humbug

I’m not sure why I am so syndical about Christmas this year. Maybe it is the fact that our family here has stripped out all traditions. There are no kids, just grouchy old people.

Last night Gigi was not feeling well at all so she went to bed early.

Gigi’s mother drove in from the coast and sat in the driveway demanding attention by blowing her horn. I jumped up to meet her to see her still sitting in the car with the overhead light on. Gigi’s family universally takes about the same time getting out of a car as the general public takes disembarking from a commercial airline.

I said to myself, screw it she’ll be another 5 minutes until she actually stands and went back inside to make final supper preparations. It takes a newborn gazelle less time to get on her feet.

Meanwhile Gigi’s dad, Larry sat on his ass and watched the world go by from his perspective.

Dinner conversation consisted of rapid fire questions from Larry. He lacks any real social skills of conversation so he zings great questions one after another to make the other person talk. I sit back and stew.

“What did you eat for breakfast? Do you exercise? How much do you weigh? Did you see the movie The Sand Pebbles? Who was in that movie? Do you have cable TV? Do you get Turner Classic Movies? Do you like to eat at Cracker Barrel? Do the Panthers play this weekend?”

This goes on until the other person is pissed off and exhausted from the questioning.

At 7:46 conversation boy heads off to bed and Charlotte and I sat down to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”. In 70 something years she has never seen the movie.

Today I expect thrills galore as the tour of grouchy old family continues with special guest appearance of her brother.

I Thought You Were Mine

I thought Jolene was all mine. Imagine my surprise when I traveled to Jackson, FL a few weeks ago and saw this hussy working it for a bunch of strangers in Florida.

You are not welcome in my home anymore Jolene. Now I am doubting everything you said.

Christmas, Island Style!

Cruzan’s will party at the drop of a hat. I know, I have witnessed this behavior many times as I have studied these savages over the years.

Come to think of it, I may be the Jane Goodall of the Cruzan’s. I have put a lot of time and effort at my personal expense to study these people so that you on the mainland can fully understand our friends to the south.

And so it came to pass that the annual Christmas boat and light show took place last night. Our crew here in North Carolina recorded the event via the Harbor Cam and local reporter Michael Dance provided me play by play via phone.

My correspondent in St Simons, the ever lovely Peach Pod called in to give me her opinion.

Please enjoy as you see multi colored boats pass by, fireworks, and a general good time being had by all.

Thank you to www.gotostcroix.com for the portal to the evening events and to local island musician Kurt B. Schindler who provides the lively background music.

Enjoy!

Thought for the Day

I am thankful that I am not a shrub. I would be cold and brittle right now and dogs would pee on me.

In the summer spiders would live in me and snakes would be at my feet.

Worse yet, I couldn’t travel and I would have to stare at my neighbors all day.

Its Best to Keep Your Options Open

Gigi does not function without electricity. When hurricane Hugo hit us in 1989 we were without power for 2 weeks.

I discovered then that Gigi does not have sex without power; shortly there after I bought a generator.

This afternoon while attempting to de-hair the house with the vacuum she blew a circuit and she immediately got grouchy.

This is an old house so I went in search of the thrown circuit breaker among several panels.

I figured I might as well rule out lack of electricity as an excuse.

To the rescue, Wreggie Kilowatt.

Now, back to writing my Reggae opera.

Three Observations

The most wonderful time of the year is being delayed by a day this year. Normally the winter solstice occurs on the 21^st of December followed by incrementally longer days, ie more sunshine. This year the solstice is being delayed for another day.

So Sunday I will greet in a longer day knowing that my beloved warm weather is on it’s was with sunshine and longer days.

Last night we had a gathering of a few old friends at someone’s house. One buddy of mine has had about 3 wives, 10 houses, 10 girlfriends and enough adventures to write a bestseller. He has even had a heart transplant all in his 48 years on earth.

Now he is back with his first wife and both of them seem content.

I went to two friends homes yesterday that I had never visited. I am amazed at the McMansions that people build and own now. These homes are big, beautiful and well decorated. I live in an older and smaller home.

I didn’t see any cats, border collies or birds around in either house. I just saw well polished wood floors, beautiful molding, and big new appliances and electronics.

I wonder sometimes if I should sell my hairy house and buy a McMansion or continue to life amongst the beasts were I have lived rather peacefully for the past 18 years.

Live and Learn

I did something very unnatural for me today. I went fishing for stripe bass on a cold fresh water lake.

I used to like to fish. Now I am more of an animal lover and prefer not to trick little animals into thinking that they are about to get a meal and then snatch them into my world to die.

I like to eat seafood and meat but prefer someone else to actually get the meat.

As far as fishing in December…I must have been out of my mind. I hate cold weather.

It was 32 this morning with a steady breeze. We cruised to the trolling area at about 25 knots. I was freezing my ass off.

I had on my coat that I would wear to Winnipeg in the winter if I ever went. I wore a toboggan, heavy gloves, two upper layers and a scarf over my face. I didn’t think it was cold enough for long johns and I was wrong. My God, the wind cut through me like Sherman marching through the south. It was awful. I thought my lips would crack open and bleed.

We trolled for 3 hours when finally a fish hit. It was a nice big striped bass, maybe 7 pounds. We quickly toss it back in the water and called it a day.

I’m good for fishing now for a few years, maybe forever in the winter.

Leave Me to Enjoy my Alpha Waves, Please

There are three items that must be inventoried for my morning coffee.

Coffee. I like to keep the container full.

Creamer, I use canned milk. I hate to open a new can.

Sweet and Low. I use a big mug so I use two sweeteners. I hate to refill the container.

This morning I hit crisis mode. I scraped out enough coffee for a pot and used my last two Sweet and Lows along with the last splash of creamer. Now everything is empty and out of balance. It should have never been allowed to go this far I know.

We have more of everything here, I just hate to refill. I’m dying for a second up but I would need to go in the laundry room, find the cubic foot box of sweet and low from Sam’s club, grab a gigantic handful of the pink bags, and then begin sorting the bags in alignment to fit in the dispenser. I would rather do without my second cup of coffee.

Then I would have to grab a metal can of milk and forcibly penetrate the top with a metal object so I could get at the milk. This all sounds so strenuous and I would still be left with an empty coffee tin. I really hate scooping grounds, it’s so messy.

Besides, I’m still enjoying my laid back alpha waves from a good nights sleep. I’ll buy another cup on the way to the office.

It's a Wonderful Life

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Coming Soon, "Origami II-Return to Buck Island"?

I know most of you think that a professional vacationist like me just sits around in the off season dreaming of warmer days ahead. No, no my friends. I am unlike many who prefer just to sit back and let things happen. I plan my next move and prefer to have it choreographed.

Last night I was up late in the evening (about 9:16) collaborating with my counterpart in St Croix planning what may turn out to be “Origami II-Return to Buck Island”. The official logo and embroidered arm patch will soon follow.

As you may recall last September I experienced a wonderful trip to Buck Island with Michael and Terry in their small boat called the Origami. It was so fun and exciting to explore the waters and beaches of Buck Island on your own terms and timetable.

Traveling in a small vessel you experience the swells of the ocean and the salt spray first hand. You must have endurance and have an adventurous spirit to make the trip. There is no plan B except swim or flag down another boat should something happen. You can’t escape to a dingy because we are in a dingy of sorts.

Last September I was so exhausted that I literally fell out of the boat. My legs couldn’t support me.

The snorkeling on the north shore of Buck fired up the old adrenal glands like no other place. The wildlife and views underwater are fantastic.

We concluded the trip with a picnic on the beach with delicious rum and cokes, assorted cheeses, crackers and fruit.

So, weather permitting, and schedule permitting, I may visit Buck Island once again and peer over the reef wall onto the beautiful abyss.

Michael, I won’t hold your feet to the fire on this because I know it is your busy season, but if we can pull this off again, oh man oh man would it be fun.

My Taxes in 1977

I want to thank young Reggie today for his scientific efforts to enlighten older Reggie.

Young Reggie, you worked many hours in 1977 at Peppi’s Pizza Den in Durham. I remember some weeks to clocked 70 hours waiting tables and cooking pizza and spaghetti. Gosh, you were only 21.

Meanwhile at the rate of $2.25 an hour, plus tips, your federal government silently siphoned off your money and claimed it as their own.

You thought it was fine though and were happy to get a refund of your own money in the spring. Remember those spring breaks to Panama City young Reggie?

That same year you helped the federal government pay to launch to space exploration robots, Voyager 1 and 2.

They took some fantastic photos of the outer planets a few years later.

Fast forward 30 years and the same two spacecraft have discovered while crossing the heliosphere that our solar system is “squashed" or “dented"- that the bubble carved into interstellar space by the solar wind is not perfectly round.

Gosh! Older Reggie thanks you young handsome Reggie. You would have blown that extra money on a Moscow Mule at the Red Rooster. But our government knew better and old Reggie can die knowing that you experience shock waves at the edge of the heliosphere on your way to heaven.

Glub, Glub, Bubble, Bubble

I just don’t have many underwater pictures of myself so you can imagine how excited I was when my brother in law handed me this one on Saturday.

I’m not sure why my eyes are so bugged out. Perhaps I was out of oxygen and waiting for him to take the shot.

You’ll notice I’m wearing those soon to be retired yellow trunks too. They show up in every picture.

Almost Ziggish

I was riding in this morning when suddenly I got this overwhelming artsy fartsy feeling, almost Ziggish and snapped this picture. I have nothing say about it so that is it. Maybe Zig can add a comment.

I am in a killer mood. I cut on WSTX radio out of St Croix first thing this morning and started dancing with Haley over the Cruzan Rum jingle.

I heard a commercial about saving a pet where you could get a Cruzan dog and escort it back to a mainland shelter so the dog would have a better chance of being adopted. I called the number and it seems they are only interested in yankee shelters. They have deals set up in Boston, Philadelphia, etc. but not Charlotte. Poor little Cruzan dogs, having to live in yankee places.