Stuff I learned This Week

My comment button has disappeared and I can’t get it up. No, that didn’t sound right. You know what I mean.

I have attempted every rational way to make the comment function work and have researched blogger to no avail. I may be forced to move this blog to the far superior Wordpress. Yes I have drunk deeply the Wordpress kool-aid.

One thing I noticed that my hits plunged when the comment button is off. It seems we all enjoy looking at the carefully worded comment we make and return to see others reactions to our comments. We all like being seen in cyberspace and cutting off the comments cuts off that privilege.

Now let me tell you what happened to me yesterday. It could have been on of those life altering moments but fortunately it didn’t turn out that way.

I was driving into work yesterday and there was a guy in traffic beside me on a red motorcycle. It was a nice sporty type of rice burner.

I must have been a cardinal in a previous life because I am partial to red. Both my Jeep and Ford truck are red.

Anyway when we passed a big intersection I noticed the car in the left lane had stopped and the guy on the motorcycle was staring off in another direction quickly approaching the stopped Red GMC Suburban.

In a few seconds I was about to see a bad accident where this guy on the motorcycle was surely about to die all just outside my driver side window.

Honestly time slowed down and I saw at the last second the motorcycle driver see his predicament. He slammed on brakes and his body tensed up. Bam! He hit the back of the stopped SUV and went through his windshield. Somehow his body rolled over in mid air and his back slammed into the SUV with his head crumpled under his shoulder. The inertia took him on from the back of the GMC into the concrete divide of the road.

I pulled over to check on him and render assistance. As I approached I saw him stand and brush off broken glass. His bike was totaled but his body was somehow fine. He was shaking from shot at the near death but was otherwise fine.

The Big Chill is Upon Us

The winter rituals are kicking in here with the sudden rush of cold.

One thing I do is “bet” with my father in law about the temperature now in St Croix. If it’s daylight I stick with a standard 83 and he usually bets around that number. Then I’ll go to www.gotostcroix.com to solve the bet.

Yesterday in Banner Elk, NC which is 80 miles from here saw 20 degrees and howling winds with snow.  I used to live in that area for 4 years, no five years when I went to college. Lord knows it was cold there. Unfit for living so much that a rarely return even in the summer.

The Jeep is covered in leaves now. Gone are the carefree rides with the top down. I do however find that driving the Jeep in the winter has its own rewards. I feel like I am piloting some old B-17 with the noises, tiny windshield and crude instrumentation.  

Then the winter vacation dreams/nightmares; I had another last night. I spent my entire time eating coconut cake and watching live stage shows while I sipped on Coronas. This one show had some nudity so I like that one. I love naked people that I don’t know. If I know you I don’t want to see you naked.  All this was performed at my villa. 

Correctness

This is an actual sentence from the instructions from an online mandatory course I am taking.

“Throughout the course, you will see gender references attached to the parties to annuity contracts. Gender assignments are made randomly and are only included to avoid such text references as “his/her”, “he/she”, etc.”

What a waste of my time! I never get those precious seconds back.

Hopefully This Thing is Fixed

I was having a fit with my old/new blog template so I went shopping for another. Now I’ll have to unpack the gadgets and get thing arranged to my liking. At least the comments work again.

When loading the links I noticed Terri Terri’s blog was down…again. So much for you Wordpress diehards.

I went to the Carolina Arizona game yesterday. Carolina mounted a fantastic comeback to beat the Cardinals. Gigi came with me and even old Cooter Brown showed up for a while.

Last night in dream land I could have sworn I was in St Croix. The sun was bright, the clouds were puffy and the temperature was perfect. The problem was it was the last day of my trip and I couldn’t remember anything I had done.

This dream was slowly developing into a nightmare. I called Michael to see if he could hang out some before I left. Turns out they were shunning me for being rude ass earlier.

I ended up on the shore taking up as much as I could before I went home.

Well, I guess I better get on to the salt mines for another day at work.

College for Pop

Gigi and I spent all of yesterday shopping old folk’s homes for her dad.

 

I was pleasantly surprised considering what I had seen in the past. They were all clean and homey facilities, they had activities, a cafeteria, a nearby drug dealer, a room mate, hey….this sounds a lot like college but with no education.

 

So for around $2200 a month you can send you kid to a nice college for 4 years, or send dad to the old folk’s home for however many years it takes.

 

Dad did serve our nation under the threat of prison back in the Korean War. Drafted he was for two years and spent his term in Georgia the state being a lifeguard.

 

So the veterans should kick in a few bucks (you) and then there is social security (you). Plus we can also apply for Medicaid (you) and that should squeak us by we hope.

 

This just doesn’t make sense when you compare it to college. To go to college you must save, beg, borrow and steal or be a star student or athlete to get scholarships.  The outcome is an educated individual ready to produce for society.

 

On the other hand society will pay you a scholarship to die for however long it takes.  This logic backwards.

 

This all sounds cruel but it is a fact. He is not going to be there three years and get well. He’ll die there.    

 

We now have to fill out the scholarship papers. 

By the way….my comment box has stopped working for whatever reason and I can’t seem to fix it. So I’ll change the template in the next few days and see if that works. 

Just Some Thoughts

Is it just us or do other families always have bananas lying around in various stages of decomposition?  

 

I told Gigi yesterday if it gets any slower at work I was going to have to go to Mexico and start landscaping work so I could send her money.

 

I bought a GPS yesterday for the truck/jeep whatever. What seemed like a gimmick to me a few years ago now makes sense. Or course I am already tinkering with it and adding my own Point of Interest (POI) to the unit. I wonder if the Garmin 260W works down in St Croix? You don’t really need one down there.

 

My hair dresser moved her booth to a private room. She looks real fancy in there. I told Gigi I was going to get a framed black and white glossy of me, autograph it and give it to her to hang in her private salon area as a joke. 

Dealing with Stress

I’ve been trying to deal with stress lately. Instead of being a bar fly which is my natural tendency when I get stressed I have decided to crank up my exercise program.

 

Staring last Monday I have notched up the cardio to where my legs are so sore. The push ups and sit ups I have been doing have my upper body curled over like Gigi’s late grandmother used to stand.

 

Today I came dragging in the office and damn near had a panic attack when I looked at my deferred compensation.

 

I have saved for my retirement more this year than any year of my life. I am a believer in long term investing even in the face of this market. I opened the online statement and every dollar I have saved this year is “temporary gone” along with an additional $10,000 from the beginning balance.

 

“Those Wall Street bastards, they made my future retirement income their playground.”

 

I know it will recover…..then the pain in my chest set in and the hyperventilating. I have had a panic attack before but not since the early 90’s.  I turned and shut my eyes, took deep even breaths and thought about my dogs, wife and of all things Full Moon Beach Bar at Cane Bay. These are some of my favorite things.

 

The panic was not allowed to develop. 

First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday

First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday

A Conversation During The News.....

My father in law and I were watching the national news last night. He is trying very hard to remember current events in light of his realization that he has Alzheimer’s. 

Together we are watching a story about John McCain.

“What is his first name?” he asks.

“John” I said.

“And what is the name of his running mate?” he says trying to get the Republican ticket correctly in his mind.

“Sara Palin”, I said.

“And who is Osama bin Ladens’s running mate?” he asked.

I smile and say, “Joe Biden”.

I heard Gigi laugh from the kitchen.

Don’t worry, he doesn’t vote. 

Roots and Culture and Friends

My favorite song right now is “Roots and Culture” by Shabba Ranks.  I know you are all whistling that familiar tune now. Gigi can’t believe I love Dancehall Reggae so much. 

I was in Baltimore this past week studying about our industry. The main speaker is a machine as far as I am concerned. He suggested hiring a “sleep coach” (I am serious). He said one can train their mind to concentrate REM sleep in order to sleep less and therefore work more. He was so proud that he sleeps 90 minutes less per day now and can spend the added time working. 

My dear friends in St Croix are okay. Utility services are coming back up and actually the island dodged the full fury of the hurricane. There are a lot of sunken sailboats in the harbor a sign I guess that a lot of folks discounted the power of a hurricane. As far as I know Michael, Terry, Peter, Heike, Beth, Carlsten (Pookie), Pookie’s Bride, Leslie, Mitch, Michael II, Charlie, Anna, Richard, Bonnie, Nikki, Nikki, Jody, Margaret, Wendy, Marti, Kim, Waylan,  Vinnie, Jose, Josephine, Sharon, Eugene, Laurie, Donna, Suzanne, Natalie, and countless others I only know by sight or can’t recall their names are okay. I was thinking about you guys.  

My father in law is with us right now. He is quickly slipping away mentally. Nothing new is copying to the hard drive. His most recent memories are a few years ago. Now that it is turning cold he keeps saying to me, “Wreg, its time to go to St. Croix”.  I hate he will never visit the island. Even if we took him he wouldn’t remember. 

I have vivid memories of being very young, like 2 or 3 years old. The memories are in black and white of course because we didn’t have color back then.  Just kidding, but I do recall memories from the crib, seriously. 

The food at the Hyatt in Baltimore was terrible. I ate a bite of rotten salmon and was sick the next morning. My buddy Ty did the same thing and got sick. It could have been the cold cut lunches we had but I doubt it. Our industry is cutting back I guess from the good old days of wild weekends at the St Regis.  

Hurricane Update

I heard from Michael and Terry in St Croix. The hurricane is bearing down and they are battened down as tight as they can be. 

All the windows are shuttered; everything that can be tied down is tired down.

All 11 dogs are in the house. 

Now let me paint a picture. These guys do not have air conditioning because for the most part the island gets constant breezes and air conditioning is not necessary. Imagine if you will, 11 dogs panting, the windows boarded up and humidity all to be damned in stagnate air. Can’t you just smell the dog breath?  

Michael assured me there was enough rum in the house and they were prepared.

All of their contact to the outside world is via cell phone now. They had to take down their Internet receiver from the roof.

So wish them the best tonight as the hurricane passes over St Croix. 

Fancy Ass Words with a Bonus Post

I have a good poker face when it comes to conversation.

When someone whips out a phrase like “Quid pro quo” I can avoid the facial expressions of a brain anguishing over the definition. 

Nothing makes me feel more stupid than when I get that look of a “monkey with a math problem” and someone realizing that they have stumped my limited vocabulary.

If someone throws out a fancy ass phrase like that I first feel some resentment. They think I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what it means so put up the fake face that shows them I understood and I too use that fancy ass phrase all the time.

Michael is forever throwing out fancy ass words that stump me.

There are many words that I can never seem to spell. Three examples are appropriate, vacuum, and restaurant. I just misspelled them again and had to let spell check take over.

Special Bonus Post

There is a hurricane heading for St Croix as I type. It has a dead aim on the island. Omar is a category 1 hurricane and may develop to a category 2 before it hits St Croix. This storm is unusual in the fact that it is attacking from the south shore. Most hurricanes move from the east across the north shore. I know my friends there take this seriously and will prepare.

A Pop Quiz

This picture is from a previous post. What is it?

A. A Gigantic Praying Mantis scrotum

B. A traditional holiday pickled hornet nest

C. A gourder that was recently removed

D. Jack Fruit or Jack Bread  

Quiet Talkers

I forgot that my friend who came down for fishing this past weekend is a public “quiet talker”. 

Bill is capable of carrying on delightful conversation in normal voice but get him in a restaurant and I might as well be listening to him speak Chinese. For some reason he thinks conversation in public like, “Pass the salt Wreggie”, should be kept from nearby prying ears. 

He lowers the tone of his voice to barely audible and changes the resonance of the sound to render the words unintelligible. I could hear the people talking about vegetables next to me much better. 

I end up saying, “What?” the whole time and both of us get pissed off. 

Gigi does the same thing in airports. I can’t understand a word she says in an airport. 

In both instances Bill and Gigi you are in competition with other sounds so lowering your voice to tomb like levels is not a good idea. 

I thought it was just me and apparently I went deaf while in airports traveling with Gigi until last year when Gigi was talking to my sister Judy.  We were waiting to board the plane to St Croix and Gigi was talking to Judy and Judy kept saying, “What? I can’t hear you”. 

Bingo!

I'm Surely Red Lining the Fun Meter

It was a good idea, a diversion of such away from the dismal week that wasn’t in the stock market.

I met my pal Bill who loves to fish and is good at it down at my Southport RV. We caught our bait with a casting net the afternoon we arrived. That night we dined on seafood then rigged our tackle to get out early.

And that we did. We were rigged and in the water by sunrise and we waited. Three hours passed and nothing. We moved to the beach side of the island and cast our hooks and waited. 2 hours passed and nothing. 

We ate some lunch at the Liquid Steer and he headed home. I headed back to watch Carolina get humiliated by Tampa.

Wow! That was fun. 

The Sea is Angry My Friend

I’m going down to Southport this morning to meet a grade school through college friend to do a bit of surf fishing, football watching and we might have a beer or two.

The weather calls for rough seas, rip currents and rain. Sounds like a perfect day to sit around and watch football with a pal. Sunday looks better as long as my ass is parked in front of the TV by 1:00 PM for the Carolina Panther game.

I have been watching the fishing reports and it is looking better. Ocean fish like it for some reason when the water turns back cold. I’ve seen these pictures of repulsive steroid looking large flounders being caught on the shore line. These things are about the size of my Jeep Door.

My doctors decided to double up on the drug that could make my lips blubber but leave everything else alone. Yesterday my BP dropped like a rock so all is good now. 

I’ll take my camera and see if I can get some freaky flounder pictures of my own. 

Ya’ll have a good, safe and peaceful weekend.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Not bad. This is from my friend Charlie Travis in Blowing Rock, NC.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a

change! The chicken wanted change! 

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he

recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the

chickens on the other side of the road. 

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little

chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified

to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the

chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about

me. 

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.

We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.

The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground

here. 

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? 

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the

satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. 

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. 

What is your definition of crossing? 

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. 

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now

against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the

chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. 

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black

chickens. 

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize

that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before

it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to

do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his

current problems before adding new problems. 

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is

why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken

learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm

going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the

road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. 

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but

we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the

road. 

NANCY GRACE, CNN LEGAL COMMENTATOR: That chicken crossed the road

because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. 

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. 

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was

going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell my eggs when

the price dropped to a certain level. No li ttle bird gave me any

insider information. 

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been

told. 

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone. 

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.

Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be

listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming

story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to

accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. 

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. 

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads

together, in peace. 

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross

roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance

your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. 

This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. 

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road

move beneath the chicken? 

The Adventures of Getting Old

I was in the doctor’s office again yesterday. It seems my blood pressure has a mind of its own and continues to rise despite the array of drugs I am taking.

One drug worked fine but it had a side effect that would require me to take an additional drug should I want to get funky with the Mrs. I used to think that condition was funny, not so much now. I stopped taking that drug right away and restored my man stuff.

So we tried this new drug and the doctor said the side effects might be a dry cough and my lips could swell. As long as other parts of my body swell then fat lips are fine by me.

Well, I now have a dry cough, normal lips, and normal other stuff along with a dry cough with high blood pressure.

Gigi is suggesting yoga classes. Do men have to put on those body suits to do yoga?

I probably told you more then I needed to, buy hey, aren’t we all family here? Besides getting old is an adventure I’m finding out and I wanted to share.

I'm So Sorry

It appears from recent congressional hearings that some of my friends and I may be directly responsible for this recent economic catastrophe.

Just the other day some former officers of AIG were getting raked over the coals about a weekend at the St Regis Hotel in Dana Point CA and the outlandish behavior exhibited therein.

It seems they did such horrid things as getting massages, pedicures, played golf, and ran up a bar tab.

The Whitehouse called it despicable.

You need to know dear readers that I have stayed at this discussing resort twice in my past and once at the more upscale nearby resort The Montage.

I know…you are probably spewing your coffee thinking how a nice guy like me could do something this deplorable.

What’s worse is knowingly I fraternize with massage therapists in other resort areas and read another massage therapist blog who lives in Ohio.

Yes I play golf and yes I been hooked on pedicures of late. And finally…I’ve been known to run a bar tab.

I feel better now. Sorry for the near depression I caused and I guess I’ll have to stop with the pedicures.

When Life hands you lemons, slice 'em and shove 'em down the neck of a Corona.

Greetings People of Earth

Earth Uniforms Then

Earth Uniforms Now

It seems Apple has adopted the Earthling Uniform of Star Trek. This photo is from an iPhone online video. If you go in the Apple Stores they wear Earthling Uniforms too. Not too flattering if you’re fat. 

Redneck Fire Alarm

Good Morning Carolina!

I have a confession to make to my readers.

As you know, I helped rescue a skinny, flea ridden, neglected border collie from the pound. We named her Abby.

I drove her to Knoxville, TN and back and spent probably damn near $1,000 in vet bills and diesel and lodging.

We took her a few weeks ago to place her in the home of Gigi’s mother. It didn’t work. Her mother was overwhelmed and her cats were afraid. Abby would have worked fine but the disruption during the transition was more that her mother could tolerate.

So, we have 5 dogs that other people didn’t want and we love them all. 

Now you can all say in unison, “I knew you wouldn’t get rid of that dog!”

In other news…..

The Carolina Panthers spanked the Kansas City Chiefs 34-0 yesterday. It is always good when the home lays out a big ass whooping on a beautiful fall day.

I have a PSA test today and didn’t study not one minute.

I’m going to Baltimore, MD next week. I’ve never been there. I might learn something at this conference and I can always use the air miles to travel to St Croix.

Speaking of St Croix there was some pork in the bailout bill for St Croix. It seems the Feds tax a gallon of VI rum at around $5 and the rebate $4.75 back to the island. This stopped last year so this new economic bailout bill had a few lines in it that would restart the tax rebate retroactive back to Jan 1 and the rebate would be in place another few years. 

Special Saturday Edition of Funny Friday

Just Wondering...

Does Barack Obama still smoke cigarettes? I never heard whether he quit or not. I can't imagine quitting smoking in the middle of what he is doing.

Where did all the illegals go? Albemarle road used to look like Tijuana on Saturday night. Gigi and I went into Walmart the other night and there were just regular folks. Not a Mexican in sight. I guess the jobs have dried up around here for illegals.  

Why in the hell did I eat fried ribs last night? Yes your heard me...fried pork ribs. The item was something new on the menu last night from our club. The chefs there have been exploring their "inner southernness" with their cooking of late. Gigi and I split an order. I can't say that frying added anything but heartburn. 

I wish I could find Johnny Cakes around here. Go to any island in the Caribbean and you'll see freshly cooked Johnny Cakes at places like gas stations. They taste wonderful although they are a bit greasy.   

I'm Not Dead Yet

Yesterday old Wreg almost bit the dust for real. I can't tell you how close I was to rolling my dear old Jeep.

Here in Charlotte there is an extreme gas shortage. We cannot find gasoline at any price. I have 15 gallons back home that I bought when I thought Hannah was going to hit, so I have that gas to fall back on.

During lunch yesterday I decided to take a route back to the office that would allow me to pass as many gas stations as possible in hopes of finding one with fuel.

It seems this guy to the left of me considered me nothing more that a target on a video game and swerved violently to the right attempting to occupy my space. I had to brake suddenly and run off the road just avoiding a roll. I stopped just short of a billboard and he raced on up the road not even looking back to see if I was okay.

I did find gas that evening on the way home.

Last night I dreamed that it was snowing (it's time to turn on the heater before bed) and I had to fly my small plane back to Charlotte with Robin Roberts of Good Morning America. I really didn't want to fly because it was snowing and nearly dark plus I don't fly and don't like to pilot a plane. I know this for sure because I actually took pilot lessons once and hated the whole thing. I thought I would love it.

Anyway we checked the plane like a bag, it was tiny. I fueled up the plane and took off in a driving snow storm when suddenly I heard a loud and constant toot! I thought it was an alarm and faded to consciousness realizing that old Peaches was beside my bed finishing off a long fart.

Well, anyway I'm not dead either in reality or my dreams at least for now. I wonder why I dreamed about Robin Roberts