Put a Fork in Winter and Other Odds and Ends

If I were a rich man…I would be coming back to North Carolina tomorrow from wintering the past six months in St Croix.

The climate has become inhabitable once again here for outdoor activity with minimal clothing.

It is quite lovely here, the foliage is out, people are out and the murder rate is up (that’s not lovely). I never have figured out why people start murdering each other when it gets warm.

Thanks to my northern farmers for the ability for my horses to survive the winter on Yankee hay. The horses did quite well on the trucked in hay and I should make it just fine until the mid May local hay harvest. It looks like it will be a good crop too.

We have seen a lot of needed rain this winter. The lakes, rivers and reservoirs are full.

We had a service man out yesterday to check our water well equipment. For you city folks, we have a well that is 350 feet deep and it pumps free water out for our house, barn and guest house.

The water is high in iron so we have a contraption that removes the iron and an additional particle filter. What comes out is damn good, cold water. It tested nearly perfect yesterday for chemicals, minerals and ph.

We didn’t have it tested for bacteria so that will be necessary.

And finally looking forward…

Every year we spend the 4^th of July holiday at Jekyll Island Campground in South Georgia.

The 4^th of July is my favorite holiday, it trumps all holidays in my mind.

Most everyone in the US is off work for the 4th. Gifts are not part of the holiday so the pressure is off there. Cards are not exchanged. There is minimal decoration, maybe a US flag and some red white and blue getup just for the occasion. I’ve seen redneck girls in skimpy flag inspired bikinis more than a few times. (Quiet reflection)

The weather is always warm if not knee buckling hot. Add in the traditional humidity and you have a steam bath like atmosphere just right for a spectacular afternoon thunderstorm.

The traditional activity for the day is by the pool or hanging out at the beach. The traditional food is grilled hamburgers and hot dogs with beer and soda. For desert we have water melon or cake with fruit. In years past I would make homemade ice cream.

Always there is a carnival at neighboring St Simons Island. Usually some of us go there, some ride bikes, some hang at the beach, each does his own thing.

At the end of the day we are treated to fireworks on the beach and swear they are the best we have ever seen.

Once it is over, it is over. No leftovers, no special cleanup, and no one’s team lost anything. Professional sports have not attached themselves to this holiday. Oh there’s a race at Daytona but it only fall’s on the 4^th every few years by accident.

It’s a great holiday.

A Little Chimp Action

I just remembered something that I do fairly often in my dreams.

In my dreams I do not have the ability to run. Sometimes I can barely walk. Both tasks require tremendous effort.

What I have done to solve this mobility problem is I have acquired a tray or maybe a wide skateboard is a better description. I can sit or lie face down and move quite quickly using my knuckles for propulsion. It is quite chimp-like to watch me move along.

I recall moving as fast as a car over great distances using just my knuckles and this skate board. It takes very little effort.

These skateboard setups, along with flying, are my main means of transport in my dreams.

A Crappy Man Day

Yesterday was a day set aside just for me, yes, it was going to be a man day for me, my Jeep, and a group of men. I have looked forward to this day for weeks.

The weather for the first time this year was warm. I had the top off the Jeep and a 2:20 tee time with two of my first cousins.

My plan was to run a few errands, hit the practice range, have some lunch and dive into a fun and warm round of golf.

Turns out my golf sucked so bad that I desperately wanted to leave after 9 holes. It was humiliating. It was like I had never played before. I may lay off for a few weeks and quit.

I am so glad that round is behind me.

Next week Gigi and I head to Hilton Head, SC for a wedding. We are staying at a fancy boy RV park. At this place you must have a late model 5^th wheel or motor home. No travel trailers and no pop-up campers.

On Sunday we are moving the 5^th wheel to Southport, NC for the summer except for a brief respite to Jekyll Island, GA over the 4^th.

What the owner has done for us is set up a temporary site in Southport until a permanent site opens up. They wired up 50 AMP power, water and there is sewer. The location is lousy for now, it’s behind a garage. It was nice of them to accommodate us.

Well, it is time for Saturday chores, cleaning gutters before the rain and trimming the grass.

Oh, and keep a good thought for the Carolina Panthers in today’s NFL draft.

Investigative Report

(Christiansted-St Croix) - The other day I noticed on the board walk what could only be described as a giant flaccid Rastafarian penis on the decking.

I sent ace reporter Terry C to the scene and she reported last night via phone that the penis was in tack and fully erect.

Apparently the other day it was the victim of too much rum.

Modern Times

It only gets better and better.

It may come down to North Carolina in a few weeks to choose the democratic Presidential candidate. It might even be me, yes me choosing your next President.

You see, I am a conservative but I am registered unaffiliated so I can vote in any primary. So treat me nice ya’ll. Let’s see, a black fellow or a white lady? Who’s going to promise me the most of your money?

Costco and Sam’s Club announced yesterday that they will limit the amount of rice you can purchase reacting to record worldwide grain prices. You see we are burning our food now to make ethanol.

Lastly Vespa , makers of classic Italian motorscooters are showing record sales in North America because they get 60 MPG on an ear of corn.

Are we reduced to a third world country?

Somebody shake me and wake me up!

Good Morning

The past few days I have taken to banging my big head on stuff. It hurts too.

This morning I stuck my head under a tarp covering the Jeep to grab my sunglasses and banged my head on the mirror. Yesterday I bashed my head by accident on the truck while I was cleaning it.

Last winter I had a head banging spell so bad that I cut it several times. That was when I was putting the lift on the Jeep. I came out from under the Jeep with a bloody head.

I must think my eyes are on slender stalks like a bug and not embedded in this big head.

I just got a wrong message on my cell phone from Unilever Corporate chewing me out for some expense that was incurred in training a group on the west coast. Next time I need to submit a voucher or something.

I don’t work for Unilever.

Poor guy, he’s going to get in even more trouble for ignoring this message. I listened to the whole thing.

Little Devil Spiders and Such

I got bit by a spider a few nights ago. Twice the little shit bit me. Once he bit me on my waste where my underwear waste band is, and another on my right upper thigh.

It itches like crazy and it is swollen. Gigi found the little shit a day later in the bed and killed it.

I booked my flight to St Croix for June 5. We actually leave the gate about 6 AM so I’ll be cracking the whip to get the misses going that early.

I thought about going cheaper and flying down on miles the night before for free, sleeping on a park bench beside Richard or Peter’s sofa, then pick Gigi up at the airport the following day. She would have nothing to do with that. Then she fessed up that she would automatically miss the 6 AM flight if I wasn’t here bitching at her at 4 AM.

I can’t wait to get down there again and see the island and friends.

I’ll bet Peter’s “girlfriend” will be in Europe again. I’m starting to doubt she really exists.

We’ll be traveling with two new converts so I get to show them around.

Have You Gotten a Telegraph Lately?

I was thinking how quaint using hand signals in my Jeep have been and continue to be.

No, I didn’t figure out what is wrong yet. It must be the contacts in the switch or something amiss in the wiring harness. For sure it has new relays.

Anyway, it got me thinking about quaint stuff from the past.

One such instance is I actually got a telegram in 1979 when I got married. Hell telegrams were out of style then.

Remember, this was before faxes and email. Long distance telephone was still metered by the minute.

I can’t remember how it was delivered to me but it was delivered personally. It was a Saturday in November and someone put a telegram in my hand congratulating me on getting married, and it wished me good fortunes. My childhood pastor sent it to me.

It was kind of yellow in color and had type face like an old teletype. I guess that is how it was sent, by teletype.

I still have that telegram somewhere I think.

Now that gets me thinking about teletypes. They were so cool.

I used to hang out at a radio station sometimes and watch the teletypes pound out news from the Associated Press. Literally they were mechanical typewriters on the receiving end typing the latest news, sports, and weather. They would type reams of paper and it piled up on the floor in a continuous roll.

The news guy, heck the only guy at the station would run out to the machines mountain of paper while a song was playing and sort the news for the top of the hour news update.

The machine continued to pound out news…click, click, click. It typed forward and backwards which I thought was too cool.

The Jeep's First Grown Up Trip

I’m back from the beach, oh glorious beach. The weather was perfect.

I decided to take the Jeep down to the beach for several reasons. Mainly the diesel burning truck is still hooked up to the RV from last Monday, but secondly, I have never taken the Jeep on a long trip of four hours away from home.

Lastly, diesel has spiked here at as high as $4.39 a gallon. I figured I would rather burn gasoline at $3.33 a gallon because they both get about the same mileage.

Really, the main reason I took the Jeep is the Jeep is looking bitchen’ all shiny and red with the trim work on. I wanted to see if it would turn some heads and it did. I saw people staring at my hard work and it made me proud.

The Jeep has a 10 gallon tank and has a variable MPG of anywhere from 16 to 19 MPG. It also has an inaccurate gas gauge. So after 120 miles tops I start looking for gas. I have run out of gas in this Jeep three times for guessing the wrong mileage.

I felt like I was in a fighter jet and needed a fueling tanker following me. Down in the eastern part of NC gets mighty scarce of anything civilized like gas stations.

The gas cap handle broke in my hand from sheer fatigue after about my 6^th fill up in two days.

On my second fill up about 150 miles from home I noticed a slight hissing under the hood. I looked and saw a tiny pinhole leak at the top of the radiator. I decided to push on since the leak was so small.

Finally the turn signals stopped working this morning. I used hand signals all the way back. I almost forgot about hand signals…how quaint.

Other than all of that, the Jeep made it just fine. I was no more fatigued that usual although the noise gets annoying after 4 hours.

Today I went by NAPA and bought a gas cap (the wrong size), a rely switch for the turn signal (it didn’t fix the problem), and a couple of tubes of J-B Weld to fix the radiator leak. I hope this works.

I checked the fuse behind the relay and it is okay. Any ideas on what may be wrong with my turn signal smart people?

The Blank Slate Before Me

I got roasted at the Masters. Yes, I know better. My big old head, forehead especially got cooked in the sun.

Now I have flakes of skin raining down from my nose and forehead. Gross!

I am so excited by the blank slate in front of me. Summer fun waits.

It appears it will unfold as follows:

We head to Hilton Head May first for a wedding and R and R in the RV.

Then we tow the RV to Southport to leave it there for the summer. We visit on the weekends.

We are planning a return to St. Croix in early June. Detail of course will follow.

Late June we head to Jekyll for a real vacation and 10 days at my second favorite island.

We wind down to the fall at Southport on weekend visits.

Notice a beach theme here? I can’t wait.

Tomorrow I head to the beach including Ocean Isle, NC, Lockwood Folly, NC, and North Myrtle Beach, SC to visit clients.

The Trip of a Golfer's Lifetime

We are back from our trip to the Masters at the Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Ga. More on that place later.

Gigi and I pulled into out lake front lot late on Friday. The lake level was very low so actually visiting the water was a 150 yard walk. Still the lake was beautiful.

All the other sites were teaming with rednecks happily doing loud redneck stuff. One neighbor looked just like Charles Manson. Gigi told me to be nice and just act like a good neighbor.

One fellow drove up in a golf cart with his dog when I started to drive my RV into the slot. He sat there, mouth open, taking in the oxygen needed to keep his redneck ass alive. He watched every move I made. I was getting annoyed, Gigi said be nice.

Finally I finished parking and got out of the truck to check out the location. The nice neighborly redneck spoke, “You know, your outboard motor drug on the pavement from the center of the road until you finished parking.”

I’m thinking,”What, and you just watched it and didn’t tell me?”

I looked at the motor and sure enough I had scraped off maybe ½ of the prop guard. Thank you mister redneck for the heads up.

Saturday at the masters was a wash out. Gigi and I arrived late morning. Parking was easy, everyone was friendly and there was a light rain falling. Within an hour the play was stopped, the rain poured down and you could hear thunder nearby. We were soaked and decided to leave for the day.

The beauty and attention to detail at the Augusta Golf Club is almost indescribable.

Walking in you are subject to airport like but friendly and respectful security. Nothing gets in that is prohibited, especially cells phones, cameras etc. Folding chairs must be a certain type.

Once you walk into the grounds its like on the Wizard of Oz when it turned from black and white to color. Everything is beautiful. You are hurried to a large courtyard to clear the entry where there are concession buildings, huge bathrooms and souvenir shops. This was one of many entry places and intersections were patrons could refresh and decide a plan of attack.

All the buildings were spotless, painted Master’s Green and very well maintained and had more than adequate polite staff.

As you left this area you walk down paved stone or brick trails surrounded by huge pine trees, blooming azaleas, and humongous magnolia trees. There is no exposed dirt anywhere. All the beds are mulches to perfection. There are acres of beds.

The walkways are clean. No debris, no trash, nothing, just a canopy of beauty.

As I approached the golf course I found that I kept raising my sunglasses to see if the colors and perfection were tainted by my glasses. No, what I was seeing wasn’t artificial turf. It was grass at perfection.

Honestly, I got emotional twice the first day. I have such respect for the game of golf and the history behind this place.

More later, I need to catch up on my regular blog reads.

First Trip of the Season

I hooked up the camper last night. We’ll pack some clothes and food and be on our way by midday. It’s about a three and a half hour drive to Augusta.

I am about as excited about the thoughts of camping as I am going to the Masters.

You see, poor me hasn’t had a vacation since I was in St. Croix in the first week of February. This may be a modern day record for me, the longest streak of work without time off to refresh. Plus I recall a stressful move a few weeks ago.

Bring on the R and R.

Pepper in Making Me Angry

Let me say something here before I head out for the afternoon.

At lunch I ate downstairs at a restaurant in the lobby. It is a nice little American fare menu run by an old Greek man named Gus.

Today is pork chop day. I got the pork chops, new potatoes, and a salad.

I went to put black pepper on my salad and potatoes and out comes this fine mist of pepper. After great effort I was able to visually see some pepper on my blue cheese dressing.

People make way too big a deal about pepper. Put the damn pepper in a shaker with some holes big enough for the pepper to come out. Use the salt shaker as an example.

And please don’t over fill the shaker. One needs the pepper to move in the container for the pepper to fall out. If you pack pepper in tightly, then that is where it will stay.

It’s simple.

Now outlaw that finely ground up crap. Half of that stuff blows away before it hits the plate.

I don’t know how many times I have unscrewed the cap, poured pepper in my palm, pinched it, and sprinkled on my food with my pinching fingers, but I’m damn tired of doing it.

Okay, got it? Make pepper that you can actually dispense.

Countdown to Vacation

I took off yesterday afternoon to cut the grass and wash the behemoth RV. The weather was nice in the afternoon.

NOTE TO LOCAL WATER POLICE: I am on a water well, it is my well, my property, my water and I maintain the well without the use of any local, state, or federal money. If the well goes dry it is my problem. I will not be expecting any assistance or bailout from any government agency.

By 6:30 PM my chores were done. The RV is white again from removing winter dirt and spring pollen (damn trees are having sex everywhere).

I swear I feel like I am deicing a passenger jet when I crawl over that beast.

Today I am a bit sore and stiff from washing the RV, but I’m looking ever so forward to the opening ceremony of The Masters this morning, so I’ll suck up and work through the pain.

Saturday morning I will be there at The Masters. Gigi and I, the dogs and the parrot will head down to Augusta, GA Friday morning. Gigi found a RV park on the lake, get this, Strom Thurman Lake, in SC. We’ll be just outside the event, but far enough away to relax.

So I’ll tie a few loose ends at the office today and finish packing and hooking up the RV this afternoon.

For My Dear Friend Jay Gray

How do you like this big fella I crossed paths with this afternoon? He's catching a few rays in the sun while I was cutting the grass.

Reason #46 why I love St Croix...THERE ARE NO SNAKES ON THE ISLAND!!!!

Welcome to My New Office

This is the view from my desk. Gigi picked the wall color and I love it. My sister painted the three pictures, Full Moon Beach Bar (St. Croix) on the right, the Lutheran Church (St Croix), and a view from a porch at Cherry Grove Beach, SC on the left.

Looking from the front of my desk. There are pictures of my dogs, Carolina Panther stuff from the year they went to the Super Bowl, Appalachian State SI cover when we beat Michigan, my love of shrimp, etc.

This is to the left of my desk. Again two more paintings from my sister of Peaches as a puppy and as an adult. On the table is part of the floor from the old Woolen Gym at UNC. To the right is a tiny shrimp named Bobby Edwards. He is maybe 8 years old and lives in that little sphere.

To the right looking out the window. This used to be Eastern Airline Reservation center. Gigi worked there for 13 years. They went out of business way back with Pan Am and TWA. They are supposed to build some residential and retail buildings there.

Finally, my cozy seating area in front of the desk. That is where I sit for Presidential looking photo ops. So far the press has not come by but I am ready. There is a deck of cards in that drawer. The tin fish is sitting on an empty box from some Cuban Cigars. I don't smoke , but having an empty Cuban Cigar box makes me feel worldly and naughty all at once.

Acts of Kindness

At 11:00 AM this morning I got this overwhelming pain in my back followed by a sweaty nausea feeling. Oh great, my right kidney is passing another stone.

Usually this hits me in the summer when I get dehydrated.

The pain stopped after 20 minutes and came back twice this afternoon.

I’m going to The Masters regardless, even if I have to crawl.

At lunch I was waiting for a friend that was at the ATM when I saw this elderly fellow trip and fall backwards. I would guess he was well into his 80’s.

He did a good job rolling to absorb his fall, but there he was on his back.

I jumped from my truck to assist and suddenly he was surrounded by 6 people helping him up and asking him if he was okay. He was okay, just embarrassed.

You think sometimes that no one notices you. In this case at least six people saw him fall and six people were at his side in less than 10 seconds to help.

Sometimes strangers surprise you with their kindness.

Enough!

I must insist that the sun come out and warm this place up…NOW!

Damn it I am sick of cold cloudy weather while spring unfolds before me. The trees are foliating, the azaleas are blooming, and the grass is green.

I’ve been a good sport but my patience has run out. Come on sweet summer.

I got a little homesick for the island yesterday. First, in the mail was an envelope from Michael. In it was a Virgin Island Port Authority license tag for my Jeep and the nameplate promised to me off of his scrap vintage Land Rover. The last time I laid eyes on that name plate we were standing in Michael’s driveway having a rum and coke laughing and cutting up.

This morning I got an email from Kim down on the island and she is sending me a tee shirt her friend makes that says, “Born Again Cruzan”. How nice.

We Be Yachting

Yesterday I got about 2 plus more hours on the water and as much experience with my boat.

The reason I am taking theses trip are to work out the kinks, become familiar with the boat, have fun, and to practice docking, loading and unloading, etc. I want to become as familiar as possible with my boat and boating so I can enjoy the summer safely.

The weather didn’t cooperate at all. It was supposed to be in the upper 60’s with a light breeze. It never got out of the 50’s and there was a moderate breeze with white caps forming late in the afternoon.

It took me a while to get the motor started this time. For some reason I had to pump a lot more fuel in the motor but then it fired right up.

We stayed by the shore line and eyed a land mark so we could figure out how to get home. (Note to self, pack some binoculars in the waterproof bag)

Not far back in a deserted cove we saw a really cute otter floating on his back eating a fish or clam. There we dozens of mallard ducks congregating in the still water.

Back in the main channel literally hundreds of sea gulls came by to see if we would offer them any food. Not a chance.

My mother in law was once feeding sea gulls and talking when a seagull shitted precisely in her mouth. Oh sweet justice! I now avoid feeding gulls.

Overall it was a nice afternoon. As usual we attracted crowds wherever we went. Some called my boat a bath tub with a motor, another called it a milk jug with a motor, but the best I have heard was my boat was the liquorcycle of boats.

Everything is better with Butter on It

There is a new independent pizza restaurant in Midland called Crossroads Pizza. The only way to get a pizza there is take out or delivery.

I ordered a pizza a few months ago and I dare say, of all the countless yards of pizza I have eaten in my life, this pizza from Crossroads ranked in the top five.

Just to continue my culinary research I ordered another Pizza a few weeks later and I think it may have been slightly better than the first.

For the third pizza I decided to drive down myself to see what was going on. I walked into an old converted house and up to a window that separated me from an institutional looking kitchen. The owner and his mother were there, she was folding pizza boxes.

I ordered my pizza and watched him make this pizza with unusual care. Everything was evenly distributed on the crust and sauce. All the ingredients looked fresh.

He baked the pizza and we chatted. Then he removed the pizza from the oven and …get this, he brushed the crust lightly with melted butter. Oh my soul!

No damn wonder! This guy is a genius! Another good use for butter is found!

Give this a try on your own pizza, you pizza crust haters of the world.

Secret Agent Man

I was building a trip down to STX for next winter. I have 70,000 miles of US Airway credit.

US Air charges me 15,000 miles to go down and 30,000 to come back. 45,000 total, times 2 is 90,000 miles. I don’t have enough miles.

Not to be discouraged I have come up with a great plan.

I’ll originate out of Charlotte for 15,000 miles and then get some latex fake faces for Gigi and me and originate out of St Croix back to Charlotte for 15,000 miles. That way I have enough miles, hell maybe I can upgrade.

So all I need now is some forged documents and a couple of latex masks like on James Bond movies that look like Michael and Terry.

Then we can board out of St Croix and in mid flight tear off our faces to reveal the real Reggie and Gigi. This sounds exciting; I’ve always wanted to tear off my face. Not my real face, one of those fake faces.

I might flip off a few people as I leave town to get Michael in trouble.

I don’t know, this sounds like a lot of trouble plus I could do some hard time in the poky if caught. Just an idea, Gigi doesn’t think it’s a good one.

The Second Voyage of Origami II

The second voyage of Origami II is slated for this morning.

Since the last trip I have purchased an anchor (very cool little spiked doohickey that folds up), some needed seat cushions to combat baboon ass, some braded rope (I learned twisted rope sucks), and various stainless doodads that attach to the transom so I can tie off stuff like anchors, motors etc. I love stainless steel boat stuff.

A friend of mine Thomas Thomas (yes, his real name) is meeting me here at noon and we’ll take the Jeep with the boat to Lake Tillery.

Lake Tillery is part of the Pee-Dee river basin. We are big on river basins around here. Just a few miles west is the Catawba river basin.

All of our rivers and some banks like Wachovia are named after ancient Native American tribes. I doubt anyone took the Pee-Dees serious with a name like that.

I always explain to Duke that when he waters the bushes, his tee tee flows to our creek, to the Rocky River, to the Pee Dee River all the way to Georgetown, SC where his pee pee dumps from the Pee-Dee into the Atlantic Ocean. Fascinating, huh?

I think Duke’s pee pee actually converges south of where we’ll be today so I’m not worried about contamination.

Anyway, I’m excited. Gigi is meeting a friend for girl stuff while the men swab the deck and continue with the motor break-in period.

Lots of Rules to Learn for The Masters

Bob Jones' Message
"In golf, customs of etiquette and decorum are just as important as rules governing play. It is appropriate for spectators to applaud successful strokes in proportion to difficulty but excessive demonstrations by a player or his partisans are not proper because of the possible effect upon other competitors."

"Most distressing to those who love the game of golf is the applauding or cheering of misplays or misfortunes of a player. Such occurrences have been rare at the Masters but we must eliminate them entirely if our patrons are to continue to merit their reputation as the most knowledgeable and considerate in the world."
(Written April, 1967)

Robert Tyre Jones, Jr., (1902-1971), President in Perpetuity
Augusta National Golf Club

* The Masters Tournament is an international competition and the contestants are invited guests. Everyone should be treated with courtesy and respect.
* Everyone is requested to display the traditional customs of etiquette, decorum and behavior, and to obey all Tournament policies, signs and verbal instructions of Tournament officials. Protests of any kind are prohibited.
* For the safety of everyone, and in keeping with policy established at major sporting events, running is considered to be unacceptable behavior.
* In fairness to spectator access and viewing, only one stool/seat will be allowed per person entering the grounds. Seats in observation stands are not to be reserved and stools/seats are not to be unattended for any inordinate length of time.
* For security purposes, all ticket purchasers and holders consent to the reasonable inspection of his/her property before entering and/or during the Tournament. Refusal of such an inspection or possession of prohibited items will result in exclusion/removal.

Cell Phones, Cameras and Electronic Devices

Cell phones, beepers and other electronic devices are strictly prohibited on the grounds at all times. Cameras are strictly prohibited on Tournament days. Violation of these policies will subject the ticket holder to removal from the grounds and the ticket purchaser to the permanent loss of credential(s).
Prohibited Items

* Cell Phones
* Bags, Backpacks, Purses, Packages*
* Beepers/Electronic Devices
* Cameras**
* Weapons of any kind (regardless of permit)
* Alcoholic beverages
* Beverage containers/Coolers
* Flags/Banners/Signs
* Folding armchairs/Rigid type chairs or stools
* Ladders/Periscopes
* Radios/TVs/Tape Recorders
* Strollers
* Walkie-talkies

*Personal bags/belt bags/purses no larger than 10"W x 5"H x 5"D are allowed.
**Cameras are allowed on Practice Rounds days - Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Autograph Policy
For player safety and protection, there is a NO AUTOGRAPH POLICY enforced on the golf courses for the practice and Tournament days. Autograph seeking is allowed only on the parking lot side of the Clubhouse.
Attire
Appropriate clothing and shoes should be worn at all times.

Services/Spectator Conveniences

* Automated teller machines
* Checkstands - on space available basis, free of charge
* Concessions - a light fare of food and beverages
* Exhibit area
* Facsimile
* First Aid
* Golf Shops
* Information Centers
* Leader boards and standards
* Lost and Found
* Message Center
* Natural vantage points
* Observation stands at key locations
* On-site information boards with maps
* Pairing sheets with course map and tee times
* Parking
* Picnic areas
* Record board - list of previous champions and scores
* Restrooms
* Scoring information
* Shipping
* Spectator guides
* Telephones
* Water fountains

A Good McMuffin is Hard to Come By

Once a week or so I get a McDonalds Egg McMuffin on the way to work. I like Egg McMuffins. They are a nice shot of protein with minimal grease and calories.

There is only one McDonalds that I pass on the way to work and it is in a very dangerous part of town at Albemarle Rd. and Farm Pond Lane. So dangerous is this area that I can recall five shootings and four deaths at this intersection in recent years.

Two shooting were in the parking lot of the McDonalds I visit weekly.

There have been countless robberies and assaults in this area so basically I would declare this area lawless.

But a good Egg McMuffin is hard to come by so weekly I take out my .38 revolver to cover myself (I’m not kidding) and go to the drive thru for my breakfast.

Just a side note: When I travel to St Croix people often ask if it is safe down there. I respond by asking, “Safe as what? Albemarle and Farm Pond? The Green Zone in Bagdad?”

Anyway, what I find funny is when I leave the McDonalds there is a “no turn on red” sign at the light that everyone obeys. Yes, in the lawless area everyone obeys a written law.

Maybe they should post other signs, “Do not shoot humans in the parking lot”.

Old Photos

President Kennedy winds up to throw out the first pitch to inaugurate the 1962 American League baseball season and DC Stadium in Washington in this April 9, 1962 file photo.

I love old photos. Look at this moment caught in time. You couldn’t have painted anything with more action and expression than this old black and white photo.

I start thinking that most of these adults are dead or nearly dead.

Look at the little boy with the camera. He’s probably still around. I was about his age when this photo was taken. Maybe I was younger but I ain’t dead yet.

Here’s to simpler times before the Internet when a photo on the cover of Life Magazine made you stare.

I'm Feeling Short

I am below average height for a man. I have always been 5’6½” inches tall but claim on the roster to be 5’7”.

I didn’t know I was short until I went off to college and saw all these giant guys walking around. Everywhere I looked there were these giant, pizza eating oafs.

My nephew is one of them. I’m not sure where he got the giant genes.

Being short never made any difference to me except one time I asked a woman out on a date and she said she only dated tall guys. Oh well, it was her loss.

Just two weeks ago my sister in law challenged my 5’7” claim. I stretched and strained and yep, 5’6 ½” like always.

But lately I have been feeling very short, shorter than usual.

I hope no one tries to toss me.

BREAKING NEWS!

Duke, Peaches, Cedie and Haley are going to The Masters with me. Gigi too.

Full story to follow.

Where is my Wonder Lust?

For some unexplained reason I do not have my regular wonder lust. Don’t get me wrong, I want to travel and see new things but I have this feeling of wanting to stay close to home.

I canceled a planned trip a few weeks ago to San Francisco for lack of interest even though I love the city and nearby Napa Valley.

I don’t plan to attend conference in Washington, DC this summer even though I like some of the attractions in DC. I can stare at mummies for hours at the Smithsonian. Damn I like dried up dead bodies.

I have a voucher at American Airlines for $400 that will expire soon if I don’t book anything and I don’t feel motivated to book anything.

St Croix was fun in September last year. The island is very quiet that time of year. Locals take vacation and mainlanders stay away for fear of hurricanes. I had the island to myself. That might be fun again, go down the opening week of NFL season.

Most of my fun/adventure wonder lust surrounds the RV, the Jeep and the new boat. I have ignored some of the fun things to do just hours from my home, so I plan to take advantage of the sites nearby this summer…if it will ever get warm.