You’ve Got Way Too Much Time on Your Hands

Why is there a silent W on Wrangler? I might change the spelling of my name to Wreggie.

I get miffed when someone says. “You have way too much time on your hands”. That is ridiculous. I have the same amount of time that everyone has. You just don’t approve of what I do with my time or you are jealous of what I do with my time.

I discovered that I have been wearing my favorite swim trucks far too much so I bought two new ones on Ebay. Every picture I see of me has me in my yellow trunks. I found these bad Tommy Bahamas the other day and bought them. Get ready fishes of the coral reef, Wreggie has a new look.

Yesterday was bone chilling cold for us. It was overcast, windy and in the low 50’s and upper 40s all day. It makes me want to beat my head on a wall until spring. Fortunately I will be in Florida this weekend and it promises to be in the mid 70’s. Actually Florida didn’t promise this, it’s just a saying.

I’ve had this cheese and salad thing going on now for a month or so. I can’t eat enough cheese or salads. Last night I ate a salad with lots of blue cheese on it. I’m thinking about some cheese toast now with Colby jack cheese.

I love buttermilk. It tastes like liquid cheese to me. My parrot Boscoe loves buttermilk too. He’ll stick his head in a glass and drink it and you can hear him say to himself, “This is good!” It’s so funny.

I heard on the news last night that it is better to be fat and fit than skinny and out of shape. Great, I’m stuck in between. I workout about half the time and need to loose 10 pounds; No wait, I need to gain 10 pounds and workout full time. I’m confused.

Guys and Excercise

I just got back from the gym having done my afternoon cardio. There was a guy there hitting the weights.

Its fun to watch guys do weights because they spend more time preening in front of the mirror than they spend time actually lifting weights; like they are going to see instant results.

It reminded me of when I was a little kid. I would get my mother to buy me canned spinach. It tasted so bad that I would gag with every bite but I was convenience that I would power up like Popeye. I would take a bite, gag, swallow, and then test my strength. How stupid was I?

I’ve been riding that same bike downstairs since September, 2002. There have been a lot of miles and Time magazines and Golf Digests read there over the years.

If I drop dead of a heart attack I’m going to be pissed. I could have been sitting on my ass all that time and the joke would be on me.

Tis the Season...Bla, Bla, Bla

For some reason I have been very “directionless” the past few weeks. I’m normally a guy that prefers life very scripted and this gives me comfort. Remember, I have my packing list for St Croix already done so you get the idea.

I mean scripted in a good way at least for me. I like a full calendar of stuff to do. Oh I don’t mind sitting around doing nothing as long as I planned to do this.

Lately however my calendar has been light and I have been struggling with decisions of where I might move my business.

Second, I am not in any kind of holiday festive mood and I don’t feel guilty one bit. I’d just as soon get on with it this year and be done. Even the yard decorations I see riding home from work look tacky to me. Perhaps I should start celebrating Festivas.

One bright spot is that I will travel down south this weekend to visit my nephew and his wife. Our NFL team is playing his team so it should be a good man weekend of jokes and beer and Jr. High foolishness; typical man stuff during football season that instinctively makes women mad as hell. I really enjoy a good road trip too so this should lift my spirits some.

In Just 8 Weeks....

Eight weeks from today I will wake up in St Croix. We are sharing a beautiful villa on top of a hill with 4 other couples.

The weather will be warm and breezy. It will be 79 degrees and the tiles around the pool will be warm on my feet. By 9 AM it will be hot enough to start activities like getting a tan or going to the beach.

By 10 it will be 84 and breezy and that is about the weather for the day.

Maybe a torrential shower will pass in the night and last for about 10 minutes. The sound on the roof is comforting and you can smile knowing that your cistern just captured several hundred gallons of precious water.

The week is an open slate. Three of the couples have never been to the island. I have to restrain myself because I think each person has to discover the marvels of St Croix on their own.

I could gather them up and drag them around like a parent a Walt Disney World but this would tire them. You can’t do it all in a week, no way, there is so much to see and do and experience in St Croix. I could stay busy enjoying the tropical fun for months. I never get tired of the underwater and above ground beauty.

This is my tenth trip and I still discover why I love the island. I love interacting with the people there. There is such a diverse culture there on the island.

But I have Christmas, football playoffs, and work to do in the next eight weeks. Then I take my favorite vacation.

My Day as a Mechanic

Note to my lady readers: This post might be boring and senseless to you.

I am so sore today. My arms feel like I had multiple flu shots, my butt cheeks too. My hands ache and my neck is stiff.

Yesterday was the day that I spent an entire day putting in a lift kit on my Jeep. My brother-in-law kindly volunteered his expertise, tools, garage and patience to assist me in installing a 2 inch lift kit.

First thing Friday I drove three hours in a cold Jeep to meet Tom. I gently drove my Jeep in his garage, opened the box and started jacking up the Jeep.

The directions were vague. Tom has many hours of experience as an amateur mechanic working on cars and boats over the years. It was definitely a two man job and one of those men needed the mechanical experience that Tom has.

After several hours of raising and lowering the Jeep to make things align, tapping shackles with a hammer, and coercing old frozen bolts and nuts to release, I emerged from under the Jeep with a bloody forehead. When you have a big head like mine you tend to bump it around a lot.

There, we were finished with the rear but we were missing parts. Darn, we weren’t supposed to install those smaller shackles on the front part of the rear; they were supposed to go onto the rear of the front.

Two more hours later we finally finished the rear.

Judy fixed us a fantastic lunch and my mother came over for a visit. Tom and I headed back to the garage to tackle the front end.

The bolts came of very easy compared to the rear, but the front end was not without its own issues.

The parts fit very tightly and the front had to be forced into alignment with a come along. Five hours later we are finished.

Now another problem, the roof rack is too tall to pass through the garage door. We removed the rack, backed out the Jeep and reinstalled the rack.

I waved goodbye and got home just before midnight.

Judy asked me several times, “Now why are you doing this?”

“To make it look cool Judy.”

“I’m glad I’m not a man”, she would reply.

I think the job turned out nicely. It is a good looking lift without being a sky high lift. 2 additional inches looks good.

The Jeep handled well. I will need to get the front aligned and my headlights aligned. I will also need to install some extended shocks.

Also my front bumper needs to be cut and modified to fit properly. Overall I am well pleased.

Maybe I'll Move

I may move my office in the spring when my lease expires. I have been in the same place since 2000 and frankly I am getting bored and want a change.

I have looked all around the city and recently looked downtown.

Downtown Charlotte is amazing. Within the confines of the inner beltway there is 2 billion dollars worth of construction going on, either up and running or soon to be running.

Everywhere you look are construction cranes and heavy equipment tightly packed into the confines of a city block.

The light rail commuter started running last week and suddenly the city looks futuristic.

Yes, downtown Charlotte may be interesting and fun.

A Few Micro Posts

I miss my daily banter with my Cruzan friends Michael and Terry. They took the week off celebrating their anniversary and headed to a remote island further south. I can’t wait to hear about the adventure.

I feel like I have lost touch with the island that I love in their absence.

Plus I miss the occasional zinger that Terry will fling out and the quick wit of Michael.

I’ll try not to be all clingy when they get back in Internet range.

*****

When you are in your 50’s you begin to think a bit differently and people treat you differently. Just the other day my dentist was looking all around in my mouth beyond my teeth.

“Doc, what the hell are you looking at?”

“Just looking for any signs of oral cancer, it tends to come on at your age.”

*****

Tonight perhaps the greatest NFL game of the season will be played and I can’t wait. I am one of the fortunate few that have the NFL channel on Direct TV. I’m all a flutter.

*****

Friday my Jeep will go under the wrench again for perhaps the most dramatic cosmetic mechanical surgeries yet.

I will drive to Durham and my brother in law and I will install a 2 inch lift kit to Da Beast.

This will allow me enough room to add 2 more inches in tires for a nice but not too redneck lift of 4 inches. The new tires will have to wait; those big old redneck mud tires are expensive just for a cosmetic effect.

While in Durham I will visit with my mother and sister. Gigi is going too.

There's My Shell Buddy

I bought a shell from this guy in September. He taught me where and how to cut the end to make the shell a horn. I told him I had seen him before on the cam and he smiled.

His shells are beautiful.

He was right too. It made a fantastic horn.

Slick, Wet, and Sticky Leaves

We are in the finale of leaf dropping here in the Piedmont of North Carolina. Normally we are quite done with leaves by now but our severe drought has caused the leaves to hang onto the trees longer than usual.

It rained yesterday so it is that many leaves fell and they are all wet or slick depending on how you encounter them.

I had leaves on the windshield and hood of my truck that clung on safely all the way to work. They stayed glued on for 18 miles while I drove speeds in excess of 55 MPH. If they stay on the paint the leaves will release tannins and tannic acid which will etch a leaf print on the hood.

If several of these leaves are stacked on each other they become slick and you will loose traction on foot or in a car.

Worse yet, it is darn near impossible to blow wet leaves.

So, I will rent the giant blower again sometime in the next week and spend 8 hours doing what I did last week all over again.

Goodbye fall and hello winter.

The 12 Days of Christmas According to Reggie

Did you ever wonder about the Christmas song, the 12 Day of Christmas where everything is a living being except the 5 gold rings?

I did and decided to dig into this. It seems that all the gifts up to the 7^th day are birds if you assume that the writer was giving 5 gold ringneck pheasants. They are beautiful birds fit the song much better.

So whenever you see those idiot calculations about how much the 12 day of Christmas is costing, subtract out the gold ring and add 5 pheasants and you’ve got your total.

For Ali and Terry

Nothing like oyster stew on a cold day and presentation is everything. Yes, the doily makes the difference.

Giddy as a School Girl

It seems like we never shop for a weeks worth of groceries anymore. I find that I just pop in the local store a lot on my way home. I usually call Gigi to see if anything is on her mind that she needs.

Yesterday I popped in the local Food Lion for some odds and ends when this guy walked up to me and asked me if I would sell my Jeep to him.

I was caught off guard and giddy as a school girl all at once. Ever since I got the paint compounded and buffed the old Jeep has been turning heads.

“I’m sorry, it’s not for sale.”

“Well, how much would you sell it for?”

I did a quick calculation in my head. I bought it for $3,000 in February; I have maybe $2,750 in upgrades not including the new lift kit I just picked up.

“I would say $7,000, but I can’t sell it. It is too much fun.”

He didn't blink an eye at the price. The conversation went on about where I found it and what I had done to it and what else I had planned.

I got to thinking about all this and how flattered I was. I guess being a middle aged man, my Jeep is now my masculine persona since I am too lazy to pump iron and doubt the results would live up to the manliness of the Jeep.

28 Years Ago...

Today marks 28 years of marital bliss for Gigi and me.

It was a rainy Saturday in November 1979 when we tied the knot. I was still in my senior year in college and got married on the Thanksgiving break. Gigi was working at the now defunct Eastern Airlines.

We were married in the cavernous Myers Park Presbyterian Church by Rev. Randy Taylor. He was very hesitant to marry us. He was convinced we were a bad match.

Our reception was at my mother in laws house.

Everything was simple, small and inexpensive, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and the reception.

Gigi and I left to stay overnight and the fanciest place in Charlotte for the first night and on to Cherry Grove beach to the rattiest place for an additional night or two of honeymoon. We didn’t have much money and we couldn’t stay long, Gigi had to go back to work and I had to go back and finish college in December.

We were ill equipped to be married. We were both way too immature but we stuck it out.

I cannot imagine life without her now. We are both totally different people and have grown over the years to love these new people we evolve into.

Has life turned out like I imagined 28 years ago? Well, yes and no.

Do we fight? Yes.

Do we make up? In our good time.

Do I still bring her flowers and coffee in bed? Yes.

Is she still beautiful? Heck yes.

Poor Babies...Stay Warm Down There

Part of the fun of being a full timer on the island of St Croix is the awareness of the tiny nuisances in weather change between seasons.

I would compare this to a well developed tasting ability where some claim not only to catch the fine flavors of wine such as berries, leather and tobacco, but they go even further to claim they can taste the minerals in the wine from the ground the grapes grew in.

I personally think this fine tuned tasting ability is hogwash.

I have digressed though.

My dear friends in St Croix called me last night from the live web cam to wish Gigi and I a happy Thanksgiving. I had turned off my cell phone in favor of watching Gigi and her mother have a mother/daughter discussion while I sipped on some good holiday wine.

In the message Michael and Terry made shivery sounds and said it was cold down there.

Bull hockey I say!

Please, examine exhibit 1 below of the annual average temperatures in St Croix. When I was there in September they claimed it was dreadfully hot. Folks, this is close to a flat line between winter and summer. Your seasonable differences are negligible.

Now look at exhibit 2 the annual average temperatures in Midland, NC, it looks like a freekin’ roller coaster with its peaks and valleys.

So, it was 72 this morning down there? Must be a cold snap. Up here we call that perfect room temperature.

Be careful not to let your nipples poke anyone in the eye.

Adult Beverages

Beer is always better if you can’t find the brand locally.

I remember in the 1980’s that Coors was not nationally distributed and therefore the taste of it was legendary around here. We would get cases smuggled to us from cross country truckers. When Coors came to town on a regular basis, we all agreed that it was just beer.

The same holds true for Stroh’s beer in the 1970’s. We had to drive to Johnson City TN to get it when we were in college. When it hit the local market we all realized that it tasted like Schlitz.

Now my friends, the hype of Land Shark beer is drawing to an end. I went to the local grocery store today and there at the end of an isle was a giant display of Land Sharks at $6.99 a 6 pack. Damn.

That 12 pack I have in my frig that my nephew smuggled up just few weeks went down in value.

Do you remember that spiced rum I made last year? It’s still there and it is VERY good. I stopped at the grocery store not only to stare at Land Sharks but mainly to buy a quart of egg nog.

We mixed some of the home made Cruzan spiced rum with the egg nog and it was nirvana.

A Couple of Things That Bug Me

If I offer to prepare someone a portion of what I am about to eat and they make a face like I just offered them a mug of monkey snot.

Gigi is bad about this. “Honey, I’m going to make some oatmeal. Do you want some?”

She makes a monkey snot face.

Okay then, I’ll pass too.

Or if some one asks about a dress code when all the while they are fishing for the minimally acceptable clothing they can possibly wear and not be embarrassed, thrown out, or embarrass me.

This question comes into play at our private club. We have dress code standards but they are loose compared to most private clubs.

Everyone acts like they want to wear cut off jeans and a halter top because they cannot wear them there.

I can recite this in my sleep, “Nice pants, no jeans, a collared shirt, no tee shirt, and a jacket in the main dining room. Same on the golf course, but no jacket. No swimsuits in the club, only by the pool. If you must, you can wear jeans in the lounge, but do jeans look good on you after 50? No cell phone in the main dining room.”

Oh you would think I have made up these rules and it involved rubbing hot tar on their bare skin.

What is wrong with dressing nice once in a while? I didn’t say a word about anything semi or formal. Just dress like you want the world to see you at these minimum standards.

Geez! I’m no Esquire dandy boy myself.

Addendum: This picture reminds me when I was a kid visiting the local zoo. I love monkeys (except flying monkeys on The Wizard of Oz). They had a few capuchin monkeys in a cage with a sign, “Do not sick your fingers in the cage, the monkeys bite.”

I stuck my finger in the cage and the monkey bit the shit out of me and wouldn’t let go. I was too proud to scream so I just silently suffered in pain until the little bastard let go.

I'm Island Sick

I had the most amazing adventure when I was in St Croix back in September. The adventure keeps playing over and over in my mind.

The adventure was the day I went snorkeling on the far side of Buck Island.

I remember riding in Michael and Terry’s green French fry oil burning machine to the St Croix Yacht club. That truck is so cool.

I remember unloading the truck and dragging out the boat.

I remember leaving my flip flops on the pier and being assured they would be there when I came back.

I remember laughing at the mobility and sea worthiness of their boat. It rolled over the waves and Michael was a great navigator.

I remember seeing a sunken sailboat just under the surface. I meant to dive that but I was exhausted by the time we past that way again.

I remember tacking to the cut in the reef, then approaching the east end of the island.

I remember tying off the boat and having a beer before we dove. The sun was bright and my sunglasses were covered in salt spray. The water was crystal clear and blue. We laughed in the boat and made fun conversation.

I remember Terry plunging into the water and I followed her only to see a grouper greeting us both.

Then my memory goes into an hour or two blur of chasing sea turtles, fish, squid, and looking around for Michael and Terry.

Eventually we went into very deep and very beautiful water. The experience taxed my senses.

I remember looking up and not seeing the boat, and for a moment I panicked. I was in the ocean and I did not have a life jacket or any way to be quickly rescued if I got in trouble. I quickly overcame this sensation and relied on my swimming abilities.

I remember diving underwater and thinking how I would be out of breath when I surfaced. It was worth every dive though.

I mostly swam with my legs and flippers. I have very strong legs. I would get tired when I swam freestyle but was amazed how fast I could go and how invigorating the exercise was.

I remember seeing the same grouper when I came back to the boat.

Lastly, just as Terry promised, my flip flops were still on the pier.

It was a wonderful day.

A Chapter Closes

I walked into the Midland, NC post office this morning and walked up to Clerk 05.

“Hello Mr. Hunnicutt”.

Damn, she knows my name.

“I have all of my paperwork; let’s see if we can get this issue settled”.

She takes the paperwork in the back and is gone for 5 minutes or so.

She comes back with a reasonable offer. I get $55 back for the international overcharge and I get an unsolicited apology. Both are welcomed and accepted.

Case closed.

Michael got his package 3 weeks after I mailed it.

Oh the Humanity, Dandy Fellows!

They got me last night…Dancing with the Stars that is.

So far I have happily avoided this show. I don’t much like to watch good dancers dance, much less amateurs dance.

You see my mother in law is in town for the holiday. This explains why some local animals are turning in circles. Animal have a 5^th sense you know.

Any way, last night she runs in and hijacks the TV and commands me to turn on channel whatever. There it was, a bunch of dandy fellows tap dancing all Nancy boy like with matching costumes. It reminded me of the Milton Burl show, Ed Sullivan, Lawrence Welk and the spoof dance number on Blazing Saddles all rolled into one.

I shivered at the waste of humanity.

She was memorized.

I went to bed.

Internet Blues

I woke up this morning and staggered into the kitchen to make my coffee.

I could hear my laptop in the other room gasping for Internet packets and bytes. We must have an Internet outage I thought. The telltale noise of the failed mail pop connection told the story.

I don’t handle life without broadband very well. No email, no news, no blogs, no Craig’s List. I could feel my body wanting to give up and curl in the fetal position.

I fought my urges and picked up the phone and called Time Warner Cable to see what was wrong.

First I must say that I truly hate Time Warner. The feud goes back too far to pinpoint, but just suffice it to say I would use anyone else for broadband if I could. I tried DSL once and I could never connect so I stick with Time Warner.

Actually Time Warner’s service has gotten better over the years and I can feel my cold icy stance melting a bit. It makes me feel awkward to lighten my hatred, like pulling for the Dallas Cowboys. It ain’t right.

I discovered that Time Warner had a new interface when I called. This nice computer man walked me through a few steps and told me that service was down in my area and it should be restored in 90 minutes. Further I didn’t need to talk to anyone.

This made me mad. Oh you cocky computer, you. I told him that I wanted to speak to a person and he connected me with Carl.

Poor Carl stuck on the morning shift. He’s been there a while too, I remember. Carl certainly isn’t an overachiever having been stuck at this same position and time slot for several years.

Anyway Carl told me that this was a planned outage and I should be up and running by 7 AM.

Oops! I can feel my body bowing up now. Hurry Time Warner. Hurry!