I Thought You Were Mine

I thought Jolene was all mine. Imagine my surprise when I traveled to Jackson, FL a few weeks ago and saw this hussy working it for a bunch of strangers in Florida.

You are not welcome in my home anymore Jolene. Now I am doubting everything you said.

Christmas, Island Style!

Cruzan’s will party at the drop of a hat. I know, I have witnessed this behavior many times as I have studied these savages over the years.

Come to think of it, I may be the Jane Goodall of the Cruzan’s. I have put a lot of time and effort at my personal expense to study these people so that you on the mainland can fully understand our friends to the south.

And so it came to pass that the annual Christmas boat and light show took place last night. Our crew here in North Carolina recorded the event via the Harbor Cam and local reporter Michael Dance provided me play by play via phone.

My correspondent in St Simons, the ever lovely Peach Pod called in to give me her opinion.

Please enjoy as you see multi colored boats pass by, fireworks, and a general good time being had by all.

Thank you to www.gotostcroix.com for the portal to the evening events and to local island musician Kurt B. Schindler who provides the lively background music.

Enjoy!

Thought for the Day

I am thankful that I am not a shrub. I would be cold and brittle right now and dogs would pee on me.

In the summer spiders would live in me and snakes would be at my feet.

Worse yet, I couldn’t travel and I would have to stare at my neighbors all day.

Its Best to Keep Your Options Open

Gigi does not function without electricity. When hurricane Hugo hit us in 1989 we were without power for 2 weeks.

I discovered then that Gigi does not have sex without power; shortly there after I bought a generator.

This afternoon while attempting to de-hair the house with the vacuum she blew a circuit and she immediately got grouchy.

This is an old house so I went in search of the thrown circuit breaker among several panels.

I figured I might as well rule out lack of electricity as an excuse.

To the rescue, Wreggie Kilowatt.

Now, back to writing my Reggae opera.

Three Observations

The most wonderful time of the year is being delayed by a day this year. Normally the winter solstice occurs on the 21^st of December followed by incrementally longer days, ie more sunshine. This year the solstice is being delayed for another day.

So Sunday I will greet in a longer day knowing that my beloved warm weather is on it’s was with sunshine and longer days.

Last night we had a gathering of a few old friends at someone’s house. One buddy of mine has had about 3 wives, 10 houses, 10 girlfriends and enough adventures to write a bestseller. He has even had a heart transplant all in his 48 years on earth.

Now he is back with his first wife and both of them seem content.

I went to two friends homes yesterday that I had never visited. I am amazed at the McMansions that people build and own now. These homes are big, beautiful and well decorated. I live in an older and smaller home.

I didn’t see any cats, border collies or birds around in either house. I just saw well polished wood floors, beautiful molding, and big new appliances and electronics.

I wonder sometimes if I should sell my hairy house and buy a McMansion or continue to life amongst the beasts were I have lived rather peacefully for the past 18 years.

Live and Learn

I did something very unnatural for me today. I went fishing for stripe bass on a cold fresh water lake.

I used to like to fish. Now I am more of an animal lover and prefer not to trick little animals into thinking that they are about to get a meal and then snatch them into my world to die.

I like to eat seafood and meat but prefer someone else to actually get the meat.

As far as fishing in December…I must have been out of my mind. I hate cold weather.

It was 32 this morning with a steady breeze. We cruised to the trolling area at about 25 knots. I was freezing my ass off.

I had on my coat that I would wear to Winnipeg in the winter if I ever went. I wore a toboggan, heavy gloves, two upper layers and a scarf over my face. I didn’t think it was cold enough for long johns and I was wrong. My God, the wind cut through me like Sherman marching through the south. It was awful. I thought my lips would crack open and bleed.

We trolled for 3 hours when finally a fish hit. It was a nice big striped bass, maybe 7 pounds. We quickly toss it back in the water and called it a day.

I’m good for fishing now for a few years, maybe forever in the winter.

Leave Me to Enjoy my Alpha Waves, Please

There are three items that must be inventoried for my morning coffee.

Coffee. I like to keep the container full.

Creamer, I use canned milk. I hate to open a new can.

Sweet and Low. I use a big mug so I use two sweeteners. I hate to refill the container.

This morning I hit crisis mode. I scraped out enough coffee for a pot and used my last two Sweet and Lows along with the last splash of creamer. Now everything is empty and out of balance. It should have never been allowed to go this far I know.

We have more of everything here, I just hate to refill. I’m dying for a second up but I would need to go in the laundry room, find the cubic foot box of sweet and low from Sam’s club, grab a gigantic handful of the pink bags, and then begin sorting the bags in alignment to fit in the dispenser. I would rather do without my second cup of coffee.

Then I would have to grab a metal can of milk and forcibly penetrate the top with a metal object so I could get at the milk. This all sounds so strenuous and I would still be left with an empty coffee tin. I really hate scooping grounds, it’s so messy.

Besides, I’m still enjoying my laid back alpha waves from a good nights sleep. I’ll buy another cup on the way to the office.

It's a Wonderful Life

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Coming Soon, "Origami II-Return to Buck Island"?

I know most of you think that a professional vacationist like me just sits around in the off season dreaming of warmer days ahead. No, no my friends. I am unlike many who prefer just to sit back and let things happen. I plan my next move and prefer to have it choreographed.

Last night I was up late in the evening (about 9:16) collaborating with my counterpart in St Croix planning what may turn out to be “Origami II-Return to Buck Island”. The official logo and embroidered arm patch will soon follow.

As you may recall last September I experienced a wonderful trip to Buck Island with Michael and Terry in their small boat called the Origami. It was so fun and exciting to explore the waters and beaches of Buck Island on your own terms and timetable.

Traveling in a small vessel you experience the swells of the ocean and the salt spray first hand. You must have endurance and have an adventurous spirit to make the trip. There is no plan B except swim or flag down another boat should something happen. You can’t escape to a dingy because we are in a dingy of sorts.

Last September I was so exhausted that I literally fell out of the boat. My legs couldn’t support me.

The snorkeling on the north shore of Buck fired up the old adrenal glands like no other place. The wildlife and views underwater are fantastic.

We concluded the trip with a picnic on the beach with delicious rum and cokes, assorted cheeses, crackers and fruit.

So, weather permitting, and schedule permitting, I may visit Buck Island once again and peer over the reef wall onto the beautiful abyss.

Michael, I won’t hold your feet to the fire on this because I know it is your busy season, but if we can pull this off again, oh man oh man would it be fun.

My Taxes in 1977

I want to thank young Reggie today for his scientific efforts to enlighten older Reggie.

Young Reggie, you worked many hours in 1977 at Peppi’s Pizza Den in Durham. I remember some weeks to clocked 70 hours waiting tables and cooking pizza and spaghetti. Gosh, you were only 21.

Meanwhile at the rate of $2.25 an hour, plus tips, your federal government silently siphoned off your money and claimed it as their own.

You thought it was fine though and were happy to get a refund of your own money in the spring. Remember those spring breaks to Panama City young Reggie?

That same year you helped the federal government pay to launch to space exploration robots, Voyager 1 and 2.

They took some fantastic photos of the outer planets a few years later.

Fast forward 30 years and the same two spacecraft have discovered while crossing the heliosphere that our solar system is “squashed" or “dented"- that the bubble carved into interstellar space by the solar wind is not perfectly round.

Gosh! Older Reggie thanks you young handsome Reggie. You would have blown that extra money on a Moscow Mule at the Red Rooster. But our government knew better and old Reggie can die knowing that you experience shock waves at the edge of the heliosphere on your way to heaven.

Glub, Glub, Bubble, Bubble

I just don’t have many underwater pictures of myself so you can imagine how excited I was when my brother in law handed me this one on Saturday.

I’m not sure why my eyes are so bugged out. Perhaps I was out of oxygen and waiting for him to take the shot.

You’ll notice I’m wearing those soon to be retired yellow trunks too. They show up in every picture.

Almost Ziggish

I was riding in this morning when suddenly I got this overwhelming artsy fartsy feeling, almost Ziggish and snapped this picture. I have nothing say about it so that is it. Maybe Zig can add a comment.

I am in a killer mood. I cut on WSTX radio out of St Croix first thing this morning and started dancing with Haley over the Cruzan Rum jingle.

I heard a commercial about saving a pet where you could get a Cruzan dog and escort it back to a mainland shelter so the dog would have a better chance of being adopted. I called the number and it seems they are only interested in yankee shelters. They have deals set up in Boston, Philadelphia, etc. but not Charlotte. Poor little Cruzan dogs, having to live in yankee places.

Perfect Man Day

Yesterday was wonderful.

We canceled additional Christmas crap we had planned and I had a planned outage. I just sat in my chair, breathed through my mouth and watched a belly full of football.

I did bathe during the pregame show.

All my teams won, even Carolina.

Later a nap ensued followed by beer and pizza.

What a special man day it was!

Too Much to Title

Shit fire and apple butter…I’ve been busy. This post is very convoluted and fragmented. More than usual.

My team won the national championship Friday for the third year in a row. Go Apps!

I NEVER stay up past midnight but I did on Friday. Between my company Christmas dinner and the game I stayed up far too long for Wreg.

I woke up at 5 AM the next morning and we got ready to drive to Durham for the day.

Meanwhile my Internet connection has been on the fritz for the past 24 hours. I don’t function well without broadband so I was spending every spare moment on the phone with tech support troubleshooting.

I got this real ass hole at 5 AM and we about got into a knock down drag out fight. Gigi defended him because he had been working all night. I just woke up and was sleep and Internet deprived so it wasn’t a good combination.

We figured it was a router that had gone bad.

Off to Durham to visit family and celebrate Christmas. Fantastic fun. Tom and I cooked beef tenderloin in the cold windy rain…yes it rained thank God… and we sipped egg nog with Cruzan Dark that I picked up last week in Florida. Tom swears he is going to pick up a case of Cruzan Rum Cream when we are down in 6 weeks.

Meanwhile…. (Sorry this stuff keeps coming to me) a package arrived from St Croix earlier in the day Friday addressed to me and the misses. Michael and Terry sent Gigi and me a Christmas gift and of course I opened it. They’ll never know they live 1800 miles away after all. Mine was addressed to Wreggie, my Wrangler Jeep persona and it was a live CD of Kurt Schindler featuring Richard and a long version of Banna. We listened and sang with it all the way to Durham. Gigi got a cute top from the band. Now she can just slide into town and look more local. Those guys are too nice to us.

I think I want my own flag pole down on St Croix so people will know I am on the island like the Contessa. I need to find a NC flag to fly on a hill somewhere. People would ride by and say, “Captain Stubble is on island, I hear his real name is Wreggie and he is a rich Border Collie rancher from North Carolina”. And then people could make up all kinds of legendary stories about me. I need to get a seersucker suit with a white straw hat to complete the persona.

We came back from Durham and it was cold like 36 and raining like we haven’t seen in 6 months. The dogs were so happy to see us and nobody had any accidents although everyone was eager to go out even in the rain.

I sat down and set up a new router that I bought in some little town’s Radio Shack and poof! I am online again baby!

A good nights sleep and I am refreshed and surfing the net.

I have some pressing issues that I need to work through the next six weeks. First I need to find a boat that I can rent in St Croix. I’m not sure they do that there. A power boat, not a sail boat. We want to wonder around on our own schedule and most charters don’t do this. I have enquired several captains about “beyond Buck Island tours” like I did in September with no results. Everyone says, “Sure we go to Buck Island.” To which I respond, “No shit Sherlock, I want to go to the North side, not the park, I’ve been spoiled”.

Second, and this may be even more difficult. I need to score about a dozen coconuts with the tops lopped off for drinks. We are taking a bunch of new folks to the island and there is nothing more fun than to drink a rum drink from a green coconut. Well there are a lot of things more fun but drinking from a coconut makes you feel so islandy.

More folks are coming to visit us today so I need to vacuum dog hair. See you later!

Just Call Me Twinkle Toes

I am just Twinkle Toes this morning. This has been a throw away week. Nice weather, good golf and all that stuff. I didn’t do much real work.

Tonight we have our office Christmas dinner. I am the boss so I don’t get nervous about meeting the boss. I love to watch the spouses getting nervous trying to read something into everything I say. I feel like saying, “Come on you idiots! It’s just me”.

But even bigger, my school, Appalachian State University will play in the national championship tonight on ESPN2 and they are going after a third national title. Did I mention that we beat Michigan in the big house earlier this year?

So, dinner at 6:30, yackidy yack, and then off to the nearest sports bar to catch at least three quarters of the game. Boy howdy I am excited.

It’s funny; I read in the New York Times this morning that Appalachian can’t find a big school that will put them on the schedule next year after the Michigan defeat. Usually we play a big school like LSU so they will have someone to tear apart, and we get some good money for the event.

Then tomorrow Gigi and (I) head to Durham to celebrate Christmas with my family. The guys will hang around and grill tenderloin, have drinks and cigars while the ladies catch up on their stuff. It always fun to see family.

Sunday is a wide open day. NFL, a party to drop by, or I may drive 2 hours to the mountains and see the snow. They are supposed to get a foot of snow. I would like to see it and maybe celebrate a victory at my school.

Sadly, Summer is Over

Damn its pink outside! Who needs to go to mars? What did my dad teach me, red sky in morning, sailor take warning.

I guess our summer vacation is over here. I’d better cover the Jeep up and fasten the top and doors.

It’s been 80 degrees here for the last three days shattering records from the 1800’s. I on the other hand have been playing in it like a kid in a snowstorm, culminating with a round of golf yesterday.

When I came back from Jacksonville Monday I picked up Gigi’s father from Brunswick, GA. Her dad Larry is a happy go lucky type from the Bob Hope era. His main job in life is to fill a day with activity. He is a Jack Lalanne sort of guy pushing 80.

All the males in her family live in perfect denial of their aging health. They range from 50 to 78 and I doubt any of them have ever gone to the doctor voluntarily just as a preventative.

I told Larry about me going to the doctor earlier this year trying to encourage him to do the same. He thought I was crazy and the colonoscopy was down right perverse. He couldn’t fathom the camera up the rear and thought it strange that I set still and agreed to have it done.

Sadly we have noticed Larry is gradually, no rapidly loosing his short term memory. So today I am going to take him in for some blood work and get an evaluation of his mental condition.

Afternoon Gazing

This time of year is very slow for me. So I’m sitting and watching the web cam in St Croix and noticed the Christmas tree has blown down.

I sent and email to the cam operator:

Could you send someone around and set up the Christmas Tree in front of the cam please?

They replied:

Hi,

Thanks for the heads up. Someone is on the way down shortly to upright the

tree! Thanks for being such an avid watcher of our web cam!

Sincerely,

Kelly

I emailed my sister:

I just told them to set up the tree and she said she would send someone out ASAP.

She replied (obviously bored too):

That is funny. I can't wait to see it on that cam!!

Santa’s elves appear to fix the stand and redecorate, but it falls down again. More elves show up.

It blew down again....oh well, I guess I'll call it a day.

Back From JAX

I am finally home safe and sound.

The weekend weather in Jacksonville, FL was darn near perfect topped off by a 77 degree day yesterday. My face is red today despite lathering down with sunscreen.

My hosts for the weekend were my ever charming nephew and his lovely and expectant bride.

Friday I met them at their home. Jay and I had a few beers with several being ones I had made and brought from home. I truly think he was surprised at how good they were.

Next we went off to supper and a sports bar where Jay and I watched Appalachian State clinch a trip for the third year in a row to the National Championship in Div I college football. The final will be played Friday on ESPN2.

Saturday we took off early for some sight seeing and important man landmarks like the Budweiser Brewery.

Then we went on to St Augustine for lunch and the conch house where we dined on alligator, conch fritters, shrimp and fried all while sitting in an elevated tiki hut over looking a gator pond on one side and the waterway on the other side. Jay and I both agreed that we need one of these huts in our own yard.

After lunch we headed to the old town and ducked into an Irish pub to catch some of the Duke/Michigan basketball game.

We finished with a winery tour. Notice a drinking theme?

Sunday it was football at the Jags stadium. I was a bit of an outcast having the opposing jersey on.

Jay cooked a fantastic steak sandwich with all the good stuff like chips and peanuts and beer.

It was a dismal day for the Panthers but I had a great time. Most of the fans were nice and very enthusiastic about their team.

On the way back I picked up Gigi’s Dad in Brunswick, GA along with 5 pounds of fantastic South Georgia shrimp. I’m grilling a pound tonight.

To Sweat and Freeze

Yesterday it never got out of the 30’s and there was a steady breeze all day. This turned out to be a most invigorating day to blow leaves. That’s just a nice way of saying I froze my ass off and sweated at the same time. It’s an unnatural state to be in.

If you do not own a home please take a moment to drop to your knees in prayer thanking God that you have been blessed with someone else to dispose of your leaves.

Now there, this is the time of year where I compartmentalize events so that I have hope of spring and warm weather. First will be the winter solstice. This occurs in a few weeks and then the days start to get longer for 6 months.

Next, they will soon release the invitation list for The Masters which is always held the first week of April.

Third, American Idol will start in January. Once this season is over it will be warm.

Lastly, my beloved island trip is seven weeks away. Once I get home from St Croix I ignore whatever winter throws at me until spring returns.

So goodbye you bastard leaves. Goodbye autumn, the season that stole my summer. Bring it on winter (fingers flicking in a “bring it on motion”), I’m ready to deal with you.

Real Life Dumb Shits

Ever since I jacked up my Jeep last week my headlights have been out of adjustment. Most oncoming traffic flicks their lights to remind me to dim mine even though there were on low beam. Some drivers have even given me a few well thought out hand gestures.

Yesterday I decided to take the Jeep by the inspection station and get an oil change while I ate lunch at one of my favorite local watering holes.

The guy came out with his clip board and asked me a few questions. I have instructed these people not to bring and present a nasty car part to me, just change a filter if it needs changing. They know me here and I have been bringing my cars there for years.

This guy was new, I didn’t know him.

I said, “Oh by the way, adjust my headlights back to inspection standards.”

“We don’t do that sir.”

“Sure you do.”

“No sir.”

“You do inspections, right?”

“Yes.”

“Imagine then that you are inspecting my Jeep and the headlights were out of adjustment, you would correct that right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well then, act like you get to that part of an inspection where you discover the light is out of adjustment and adjust it. Charge me for an inspection, I don’t care, but you can adjust my lights.”

“Okay.”

I came back from lunch and the owner was saying “Hello Mr. Hunnicutt,” and treating me all nice while he adjusted my head lights at no charge.