I Must Stay Clean...

Yesterday I was outside in my Southern businessman casual attire which is a crisply starched button down long sleeve shirt, nicely pressed kaki pants along with some well shined loafers. This is what white men in the South wear on casual days.


You could take it down a notch by wearing a golf shirt instead of the starched shirt or up a notch by adding a blue sport coat. Some people wear a golf shirt and a sport coat.


Anyway I was outside enjoying a little hardware shopping at a 1950’s vintage shopping center when I discovered when trying to start my Jeep that my Jeep’s throttle was stuck nearly wide open.


I suspected the culprit was the idle controller because I have had problems with them before. In fact I have replaced it twice before at $80 each.


I popped the hood and sure enough the mechanical piston was stuck out like a squirrel porn star.


I called my mechanic and he suggested I apply penetrating oil after sliding back the boot and unplugging the electrical connection. Maybe I should tap the part too.


I carefully did all of these instructions trying not to get all my starchy stuff dirty but nothing retracted the piston.


I was sweating like I was writing a bad check.


I called the mechanic again but in the bright sunlight and through sweaty eyes I accidently called Michael in St Croix rather than my mechanic Mflowe.


We had a nice little chat about our upcoming visit and I asked him some mechanical advice.


I called my brother in law Tom and he told me to do the same thing as Mflowe but suggested I keep a small ball peen hammer in the Jeep going forward so I could beat the shit out of any malfunctioning part in the future. He said it would make me feel better.


I called the wrecker (notice the unnecessary “w”) and they hauled off the Jeep.


Today I am having some various mechanical stuff done, idle controller, valve gasket replacement, maybe a new radiator or the leak repaired (Hammer was right about the glue), and quite possibly a new brake cylinder.


But you know what? After all that tinkering I did not have one spot of grease on my shirt or pants. Amazing!

17 comments:

Ali said...

What is UP with you lately Wreggie?!? You have me busting a gut laughing every day :)

Stuck out like a squirrel porn star?

Oh man, too funny!

And congratulations on not soiling your Southern businessman attire.

liv said...

I'm going to allow you to laugh with me when I tell you that the Senor *gasp* trimmed his beard and got a haircut, put on pressed pants, a shirt AND tie and went to an interview...

hee hee

Michael said...

That was a nice chat Wreg, thanks for calling. Sorry I couldn't be more help with the throttle thingy.

Speaking of squirrel porn stars, Biggie was really getting it on with his favorite male kitty the other day and he sprained his "lipstick" - his throttle was definitely stuck wide open.

Terry and I almost fell off our chairs. It was HUGE, nearly half his body length. Poor little guy was hobbling around with this fifth leg trying to look nonchalant.

BTW, good job keeping greae off your starchy things. I can't even glance toward the Landrover without
getting smudges all over my clothes.

TerryC said...

One of the things I've always laughed about in a work situation (restaurant, construction, etc), is the difference in the cleanliness of the "workers".

Those who actually accomplish something get dirty, those who just make it look like they're working stay clean.

Sounds like you've got that trick down pat ;) !

Love you, Buddy!

TerryC said...

Of course, then there's my husband, who is outside smearing grease and stuff all over the place when he's "working" on the rovers. Then all over the house when he comes in.

And many times, that's all he accomplishes, too ;) !

Reggie said...

Thank you Ali.

Liv...did he clean up good?

Michael, Who "wood" have thought biggie "wood" have such a J Holmes wood?

Terry, I shuffle papers for a living so paper cuts are a real risk in my business.

TerryC said...

Are paper cuts covered under your expensive health insurance policies?

Reggie said...

I certainly hope so Terry. I paid the premiums just this morning for another month.

One of these days I'll pop a tube and be glad when I run up a $456,000 hospital bill saving my sorry butt.

Michael said...

Wreg,

You've got some catching up to do, my company just announced today that, as of July 1 this year, the company will reimburse employees for all legitimate out-of-pocket expenses for major medical, like co-payments, deductibles, or that pesky 20% the insurance often doesn't cover.

Sadly, dental and elective surgery are excluded, so no nose, boob, or glossy new pearly whites on the company dime. But hey, who's complaining?

Micky-T said...

I sir, have never worn anything pressed in my life. In my very, very low life.
But I do like to admit that I am a very, very successful low life, or shits in the woods type that you mentioned earlier.
I understand that a proper southern gentlemen has an, air about him that is admirable and pressed. Where does Origami and a somewhat beat up old jeep fit in that picture? Oh, and shit everywhere you go. LOL
I truly would like to sit down and have [or pound] a few drinks with you some day!
Cheers Reggie!

Reggie said...

Michael…I just instituted a policy where my company will reimburse me for 100% of all my out of pocket expenses. Wait…it still costs me money. I am the company. Damn!

Micky…I play many roles in life. A Jeep adventurer, a seafaring man on Origami, a polite businessman, a dumbass husband, a traveler, dog owner, and the list goes on. My dream is to be on a boat at sea, slightly over served on rum while enjoying the company of friends. We could do that my friend. It must be a creaky boat too like on Jaws. I think your boat would creak, right?

Micky-T said...

Yes my boat creaks, as well as my knees, but I wouldn't take her to far out. At 78 years old
she is a safe and comfy around town, but at that age you can't be sure when she might pop a vessel!
Lets find a creaky fiberglass boat, with an ice maker!

IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

Yeah but you smelled like armpit from all that sweating.

I hear that leads to stickage...

terri said...

You have defied the laws of manhood by not getting grease on your starchiness. The Spray 'n Wash Stain Stick is a staple in our house.

Michael said...

Uh oh Wreg, she's called your manhood into question. Quick! Better run out and smear some grease on your starchies ;)

Jahooni said...

i am very impressed. but a hot guy like you should have been shirtless with grease all over... hee hee

Anonymous said...

Whoooo called the Wrecker?????? Yes I who joined us w/Allstate MC & gave Wreg a membership key card & a regular card last week called me as I am out running errands & driving down the road.....I had my damn membership card!!!!
And there is very valid reason for my stand on the vacuum cleaner issue; every time I buy one for the guest house if I have told him "yes" on this issue in past years I end up once again with no dawg gone vacuum where & when I need it!!!!Yes Wreg has a history of vacuum abuse...LOL
By the way all you guys' & gals' I keep up w/ all ya'll & your always in my prayers.Love to all, Gigi