The Playoffs

Today we have a NFL Divisional Championship game between the Carolina Panthers and the Arizona Cardinals right here in my home town.

I have tickets and I am stoked as you would expect; but when you consider the seriousness of the event its not all fun and games.

First we expect cold rain. This means shelters will have to be erected for the tailgate and rain ponchos secured for the game. I have two 10X10 free standing shelters that I’ll bind together to make a nice dry room.

It is an 8 PM game and it will be dark so a generator and light is in order. I bought a 500 watt halogen light and already have a 2000 watt generator. I think the light will be placed under the truck for a nice bright ground effect lighting.

I have music; forty high energy songs mostly of the 80’s vintage on my ipod playlist with an amplified player that will invoke the NFL stadium experience. 

There will be a televised 4 PM AFC game so a TV will need to be there. Satellite or antenna? I think the transmitter for CBS is 21.2 miles from the tailgate so an antenna will do. I bought a new set of rabbit ears yesterday.

Then there are special playoff customs reserved for these special home games.

We have a good luck buffalo scrotum that is used only for playoffs. My pal Bruce has been custodian of this scrotum since we last went to the playoffs. He said he couldn’t find the scrotum the other day. How do you loose a buffalo scrotum?  I told him not to worry; we could cut his scrotum off and start a new custom if he can’t find it.

Special lucky playoff beer is imported for the event. We always get Old Style beer from Chicago for playoff games. Old Style is a blue collar low end beer served at Wrigley Field in Chicago. This beer invokes the positive playoff spirits from playoffs past. Fortunately I have 30 cans ready for consumption.   

Finally the regular season customs must be preserved which means brats and shrimp will be served.

I think I am ready, I hope the Panthers are. 

4 comments:

Micky-T said...

Hey a neighbor of mine who deals in odd antiques and such has an awesome buffalo penis. It looks like a walking stick with a bit of a curve! It's true, I had this thing in my hands and he asked me if I knew what it was? My wife said Ewwww, I said coool!

Wreggie said...

Really...that must be an impressive tool if you thought it was a walking stick.

Micky-T said...

Nothing but the truth! It would look good sticking out of that scrotum, Ewwww!

terri said...

I really wish you didn't have to rough it like that. I worry about you out there without a cable connection and recliner. Be safe!

p.s. I don't even want to know how one happens across a buffalo scrotum.