Stuff I Don't Like

The NFL franchise St Louis Rams are up for sale and may move back to Los Angeles. I don’t like sports teams moving. It discounts the fan base and city.

How ridiculous is it that we have an NBA team called the Utah Jazz. It should be the New Orleans Jazz but no…they have New Orleans Hornets who came from Charlotte. Hornets are a local name derived from the area involvement in the revolutionary war and have nothing to do with New Orleans.

But the NBA said to Charlotte, “Don’t worry, you can have a brand new franchise bought by an out of touch out of towner.” So Black Entertainment Network owner Bob Johnson got his franchise and named it after him…Bobcats. Then he wouldn’t hire any white folks and filled the games with urban and rap hip hop and guess what? Nobody came. Now the Bobcats are for sale. Anyone want a shitty NBA team with a loosing history, orange uniforms and no fan base?

Cleveland and Baltimore did it right. When the Browns packed up their orange helmets to move to Baltimore the city of Cleveland said no. The Brown stayed in Cleveland even if we don’t have a team. So the Browns became the Ravens and eventually the NFL awarded another franchise to Cleveland and the Browns resurrected. This is good.

However the Ravens quote records going back to the days of the Baltimore Colts. That is tacky Baltimore. The records should go with the franchise.

In my mind the Colts should still be in Baltimore and the Cardinals should be in St Louis. My FIL remembers the Cardinals in Chicago.

Don’t think for one moment Tennessee Titans that I don’t know you are the Houston Oilers.

Regrets

The garage project has turned out as bad as I had feared. I would have been far better off to declare this space unusable and just nailed the doors shut. This would have been my version of capping Chernobyl with a concrete dome.

Now I’m into day seven of sorting musty shit to save, throw away, or give away and I have this big cavernous musty room called my garage.

What is the big deal? I have gained some space and musty memories and still have work to do.

I’d much rather be riding in the Jeep, sticking pencils in my eye, anything except cleaning and sorting more musty shit.

Speaking of shit, (and you knew a shit story was building) we have experienced the fruit of having several hundred feet of volatile dog intestines under one roof.

And we have determined it was a bad lot of Purina Pro Plan for Adult dogs Lamb and Vegetable favor. Purina is sending some off to be tested and we are feeding the dogs home cooked meals for now.

Our carpet guy was out yesterday and did a fantastic job.

Enjoy the video.

Slap Project from Nick Campbell on Vimeo.

It really disturds me to see the young woman slapped but she looked better prepared than the guys.

Big Blue Can

A few months back a friend offered me one of those big blue plastic barrels with a top for free. He bought it for last drought. He wanted to build four cisterns to capture rain so he could water his landscape.

The drought is a distant memory and we are dealing with minor flooding nightly.

I thought I could use the container for horse grain or a multitude of purposes.

Gigi didn’t quite understand why I got it but it was okay with her.

The next day we saw on the news that a local man was arrested for killing his wife. He had stored her body in a blue plastic barrel. Gigi gave me a mean look.

“You’re going to kill me and stuff me in that barrel aren’t you?”

It turns out that that barrel is a handy garbage can for cleaning up the garage.

I learned yesterday that the FIL will be coming back Sunday for a month stay. Once this news was out the MIL insisted that she visit Saturday uninvited. She does that just to stir up the family dynamic.

Meanwhile I am still working to get the garage restored and we are dealing with a dog shit episode of epic proportions. Duke is really sick.

Visitors aren’t needed now.

Maybe I should empty that blue container just in case I need it?

First Born

It’s been a week coming. The labor has been intense at times with hot flashes and sweat.

There were times of worry but in the end it all worked out.

When I saw the photograph the other day you could make out a little eye.

I am so proud of mother North Carolina giving birth to the season’s first tropical depression.

Now go little one and harass Bermuda, Boston or Nova Scotia.

Soupy summer in the southeast is upon us.

Quack Y'all

I love my iPhone. I’ve had it since January and use it extensively for business and pleasure.

The phone comes with a lot of built in ring tones of animals. My default ringtone is a duck quacking. It is the real deal too. No fake duck sounds.

Gigi’s special ring tone is birds chirping.

My ringtone on her phone is ducks quacking. You may be getting the picture here that there are a lot of quacking sounds in my house.

My parrot Boscoe has seemed oblivious to this until last night. Around 2 AM Boscoe quacked loudly.

Gigi thought I was calling her and I though my phone was ringing.

We laughed and fell back to sleep.

Crazy bird.

Progress I Swear


I spent the weekend in the garage.

In order to mix things up a bit I decided to listen to the local top 40 station.

Was top 40 as monotonous in the 1970’s as it is today? Honestly I like the new music just fine but hearing Boom Boom Pow, Blame it on the Alcohol, and Sugar every hour along with the other songs has put the play list to memory. Actually I like two Flo Rida songs enough I downloaded the tunes.

When exactly do they introduce a new song?




Dr. Papi I Presume?

Celebration is in order. This week marks a milestone in the life of a friend of mine.

On Wednesday Peter Skrivanos of The Pickled Greek celebrates one year since opening his restaurant in St Croix.

The owner Peter is no ordinary man and The Pickled Greek is no ordinary Greek restaurant. In less than a year the Pickled Greek was voted the
best restaurant in the entire Virgin Islands by the public choice awards.

Peter is affectingly known as “Papi” and there is a list of island drinks that bear his name as follows:

Papi - Cruzan Estate Dark Rum & Diet Coke (My personal favorite and Papi’s)
Papi on the Green - Papi with a Lime (When I am trying to impress or count drinks)
Fat Papi - Papi with Regular Coke (The signature drink of Michael Dance)
Anti-Papi - Backardi & Diet Coke (This is wrong. When on the island drink the local Cruzan Rum)
Kindergarten Papi - Cruzan Estate Diamond (5yr Aged Rum) & Diet Coke
Sloppy Papi - No diet coke
Nutty Papi - Cruzan Coconut Rum & Diet Coke
Stoopid Papi - Single Barrel Cruzan Rum & Diet Coke (Single barrel should be sipped on its own. No Coke needed)
Russian Papi - Vodka & Diet Coke
Rehab Papi - Sprite

So what do you give a man who proclaims he is “irie”? (To be at total peace with your current state of being. The way you feel when you have no worries)

Papi I have been working feverously in my test bar trying to come up with a new drink worthy of your name.

Here is my gift to you Peter my friend from Gigi and me….Dr Papi. Cruzan Estate Dark Rum & Diet Dr. Pepper. It is fantastic and a lemon or lime gives it an extra Opah!

Congratulations Papi! Go and enjoy.

Weekend Update with Wreggie

The great garage renovation of 2009 continues in the able hands of hired guns Kendall and Mark. It is now down to where I must sift through the mounds of stuff all covered with a blue tarp in the driveway. This will be my job today.

The net gain is a lot of useful space and more crap to throw away. I can actually get at things now.

Oh…they installed three rows of florescent lights. One can actually see in the garage now.

Yesterday I played in a golf tournament and was on the winning team. This is a first for me. We basically won back our entry fee. That was just fine by me. I added two clutch shots for two birdies and two more assists for par.

In an ongoing project Gigi’s beloved 1987 Toyota 4Runner has been absent for 3 weeks due to a slow but careful body restoration. A friend who works at a local car dealer has worked it in as a favor to her. It is ready and the reveal should be today.

She so loves that car. We bought that car used in 1989. We have kept it up mechanically and cosmetically as best we could.

My car fleet would be beaters to most families but we cherish our cars. Combined between the Jeep, 4Runner and pickup we have in excess of ¾ of a million miles racked up on our cars all equally distributed. I would hesitate to drive any of them anywhere.

A Break in The Force

Admit it. Yesterday you felt a crack in “the force”. Depending on how far from the epicenter of Midland, NC, USA, something just didn’t feel right yesterday afternoon.

I can explain.

Yesterday my garage was emptied of its contents and all the shit I have collected for 20 years was exposed in my driveway.

This wasn’t done by me or Gigi. I hired professionals. These highly skilled men did what I couldn’t do and wouldn’t do.

Today I get new overhead lights installed and the sorting begins. I may even make a small man corner in my garage. You know…an old chair, old TV, radio, a rug, a lamp. Nah.

Fortunately I get to watch the action as my back continues to improve.

Dog Memories

I don’t care for the word ombudsman but really like the word avionics.  I rarely use either word.

 

Yesterday afternoon I placed ball with Abby. It was a new tennis ball. After we played I set it by the back door and we went in.

 

This morning when I let out Abby she went running to where the ball was. You could see her relief and happiness that the ball was still there.

 

I wonder if she thought about that ball last night.  She must have. 

Dumb Ass Award

The Dumb Ass award goes to….(ripping open the envelope)…Allied Waste.

 

Give them a call and congratulate them if you get a chance or just drop by and see the dumb ass mouth breathers for yourself.

 

5105 MOREHEAD RD

CONCORD, NC 28027

Phone: 7043936900

 

They are right by Lowes Motor Speedway.

 

Today they made it 5 weeks in a row that they missed picking up my garbage. This surpasses the record held since September 1989 when hurricane Hugo blocked roads for four weeks.

 

This morning I was up early to watch the big blue truck drive down my cul-de-sac and make a three point turn in front of my loaded garbage can.  

 

I jumped up and ran outside to chase him down but he sped out of the neighborhood. 

I'm in a Fog

I hurt my back significant enough that I got an emergency massage yesterday morning. She did a great job but I am still stiff and moving slowly.

 

It appears the problem is muscular and it stemmed from me picking up a generator on Sunday afternoon.

 

At any rate I can walk nearly normal now. Monday morning I was only able to walk with my butt muscles tight and tucked under and my arms in the air. I looked like a chimp walking on his hind legs.

 

I stopped by a local café on the way to work. I was craving some protein and only a few eggs would do.

 

Beside my table were three men having a corporate meeting of sorts. One man was clearly in charge. They talked in low tones.

 

I did hear the guy in charge ask, “Have the employees that are Christian been identified?”

 

That sounded strange. 

Smells

Terri wrote today about house smells and it got me to thinking about smells.

 

I don’t smell well first thing in the morning. Not that I particularly stink but my olfactory senses don’t really kick in until mid morning.

 

So my sense of smell picks up around 10 AM and comes and goes throughout the day.

 

I love to smell stuff because so many deep memories are associated with smells.

 

I like to smell well personally too. I use dial soap, baby lotion, toothpaste and mouthwash to get a clean Wreggie smell. Because I can’t smell well I probably over compensate.

 

As people get older they tend to stink a bit because they don’t bathe as much.  Note to self….keep bathing even if I think I haven’t done anything to get dirty.

 

I like place smells like low tide at the beach in NC, SC and Georgia.  Low tide mud actually stinks but I associate the smell with happiness.

 

Jekyll Island Campground has a unique smell.  The ground smells peppery and in the morning it mixes well with campfires and bacon and coffee.

 

Who doesn’t like the smell of fresh cut grass, coffee brewing, and bacon cooking?

 

I personally like to smell pipes and cigars. I really love the smell of diesel fumes and once met another individual who had an affection for diesel fumes. The modern diesel fumes don’t smell as good as old diesels engines of my youth.  

 

And sometimes a woman will pass me that smells so good like a fresh white flowery trail of scent that is divine. I just want to bury my nose in her hair and breathe deeply.

 

I’m going to make an effort to smell stuff today. 

Why Does Life Have To Be This Complicated?

Dear Mr. Wreggie:

Your subscription to The Wall Street Journal Online is coming up for renewal in about a month. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you of just a few of the powerful benefits of your WSJ.com subscription, as well as to highlight some valuable recent additions to the site.

Bla, bla bla, bla …..

As a reminder, we will automatically renew your subscription for another year at the current regular rate of $2.87 per week, charged to your credit card annually at the rate of $149 unless you cancel before your renewal date.  This automatic renewal provision is contained in our Subscriber Agreement, which you can access by the link at the bottom of the WSJ.com website.

What!!! I paid $59 last year. No way…they can rot and eat their paper for $149.

So I wrote this note after I cancelled the auto renewal. 

I got this a few weeks ago from you:
"As a reminder, we will automatically renew your subscription for another
year at the current regular rate of $2.87 per week, charged to your credit
card annually at the rate of $149 unless you cancel before your renewal
date. "

I called and canceled.

You've got to be joking. I pay $59 now without Barron's that I used to get.
I can let the subscription lapse and sign up off the street for $109.

Can you quote me a real rate to renew?

To which a computer relied…..

Dear Jr. Wreggie,

Thank you for contacting the online Journal regarding the billing of your subscription. 

As of February 1, 2009 renewal rates for The Wall Street Journal Online have increased. 

A standard subscription is only $149 annually, or $ 12.95, per month for access to all three global online editions of The Wall StreetJournal
(US, Asia and Europe), the Health Industry Edition and the Media & Marketing edition.

The Online Journal is really a great value. For less than 33 cents a day - WAY less than the price of a cup of coffee. 

Bullshit I say…..then I noticed an offer appeared after I canceled my auto renew so I renewed. 

Look what I got!

Your subscription information has been updated as follows:

Product: The Wall Street Journal Online
Term and Rate: 1 year for $59 

Home Again

Philadelphia was a very stuffy place.

 

My room didn’t have a window to open and the AC had some sort of governor on it.  This prevented me from getting the temperature below a stagnate upper 70’s temperature.

 

I like warm weather but I hate to be stuffy. Give me 80’s and 90’s but with a breeze or a fan nearby.

 

I used the men’s room outside of the conference room once and I swear it was a sweatbox. To top it off….it had one of those automatic flushers so I wasn’t able give a courtesy flush unless I waved my butt around or acted like I was finished so the flusher would set off.

 

Outside wasn’t much better. The summer humidity had set in so a brisk walk brought on massive sweat.    

 

The airport personnel were very grouchy.  In Philadelphia the TSA screams to everyone to throw your shoes on the belt. I had no idea what belt they were talking about so I tossed my shoes in the gray plastic bin to be scanned like I do at every city in America and all foreign destinations. You would have thought I caused WWII.

 

“PUT YOUR SHOES ON THE BELT!”

 

Finally I realized they wanted me to actually toss my shoes in the scanner which I did.

 

One poor guy was instructed to toss his belt directly in the scanner. He did and it got stuck in the mechanism. He was then yelled at for doing this and was told by another person that he should have used the gray bin.

 

I defended him because I heard the hateful woman yell the instructions to him.

 

I would have loved to liver punched just one of them.

 

Finally we load up at the very end of the “B” concourse for Charlotte.  There is a big plane and it is running very late and every seat is full. Most of the passengers have connections in Charlotte so everyone is eager to board.

 

Here comes Mr. Asshole in one of those limo golf carts with an old lady on oxygen. He starts yelling at everyone to move.

 

There is no where further you can go Mr. Asshole because it is the end of the concourse and we are trying to board a plane.

 

He jumps off the cart and begins to wave his arms and bark orders. Then he pulls up 6 more feet to put the woman in a wheelchair.

 

Gosh I would have loved to deliver just one crushing throat punch but I’m an easy going fellow.

 

Then 200 passengers begin to board through one tiny door and the crew is having a fit that it is taking the usual time to board the plane. The reason one boards the plane 30 minutes in advance is it takes 30 minutes to board and get settled. 

Damn Duck

I played golf yesterday. It was one of those amazing chamber of commerce perfect weather days.

 

The following was a brief video I shot with my iPhone.


  video

I’ll translate for those of you that don’t speak Southern.

 

“You in the water? I’m videoing. Damn…did you see that duck come up? Damn.”

 

Tomorrow I fly to Philadelphia for a two day conference.

 

Be warned bad people. I have 5 angry dogs back home protecting a woman that’s packing heat with an itchy trigger finger so no need to harass the home place in my absence lest you be shot and et by critters.   

This Is Progress I Guess

I saw 60 Minutes the other night where they demonstrated how pilots fly drone warplanes over Afghanistan from 12,000 miles away.

 

These planes are capable of seeing targets clearly from the stealthy silence of 16,000 feet. From this height targets can be killed individually or in clusters with 500 lbs bombs.

 

No us soldiers are put at risk and the enemy can be killed with the highest efficiency.

 

It was said that the President is leaning more towards this new technology to fight future wars.

 

The same guy draws the line though in holding enemy combatants and water torture.

 

It is far less cruel to ambush an enemy from 12000 miles away like some video game than it is to pour water over his face to simulate drowning in order to find out where more enemy are.

 

It makes me long for the good old days of WWII when armies’ worn uniforms and it was okay just to shoot each other.   

Circa 1972


I found this old photo today. Gigi and I have been looking for it for years.

 

This is the day Gigi and I met. It was December 1972. I was 16 and she was 13.

 

I think I had a unibrow under that lock of hair.  

This and That in May

When I was a kid we actually depended on the newspaper for our weather forecast. Can you imagine how stale a 1960’s newspaper weather forecast would be?

 

Now I stare at my local doppler radar and watch thunderstorms as they develop right on my computer or iphone. How cool is that?

 

It bugs me when I hit the “back button” on a web site and they have decided you shouldn’t leave their site and override my desire by keeping me at where I am. I click the crap out of the back button until I’m released.

 

I have no regrets about my Roomba purchase. It now cleans my entire little guest house everyday. I may take it along with me in the RV this summer.  

 

The first massage I ever had was by Terry of St Croix. She used lavender scented oil. I fell in love with the fragrance.  I just washed my hands in lavender scented soap.

 

I installed the new digital boxes in the RV a few weeks ago. I am surprised at how many digital stations I pick up with perfect clarity. Each station now broadcasts multiple channels with multiple content rather than the single channel I am accustomed to. Usually the extra channel is devoted to weather or local news.

 

In my opinion I have just entered the fillet of summer. From now until September 15 is Wreggie time. I love warm weather and I love daylight. Call me a sun guy.  

Motivational thought for the day:

This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat and is from Africa.
















So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:



















You could look like a dick with buck teeth.

A New Festival Anyone?

There should be a gizzard festival. There is a festival for everything else…why not gizzards? This would truly be a Wreggie event.


Before you condemn the simple chicken gizzard I challenge you to eat some. The classic Wreggie recipe is stew some chicken gizzards and hearts in water for hours and hours. This renders the giblets tinder and reduced in their own broth.


Make a nice gravy and mix with the gizzards and hearts. Then dish out the gizzards over your favorite rice or noodle.


I swear they are fantastic. Honest.


We used to eat gizzards and rice a lot as a kid. It was poor man’s comfort food. We weren’t poor but my daddy was growing up so families like his ate cheap meat like this.


Gizzards are good fried too. There is still one place in town that makes fantastic fried Gizzards and that is Price’s Chicken Coop.


Remember 2009. This is the year of the first annual chicken gizzard festival. I’ll pick a weekend soon. It may be small at first…maybe just me and the dogs.


I know…it will be over memorial weekend.


Anyone want a tee shirt? Any graphic artists out there want to take a shot at the soon to be famous Wreggie Legend Gizzard Festival logo?

Words

Here in Charlotte the central business district has been referred to as “Uptown” since the late 1970’s. Uptown sounded more progressive and positive and everything produced by the Center City Business Partners had the term uptown referring to what most cities call downtown.

Now there has been an official change. Center City Business Partners is now called Downtown Business Partners and Uptown is now Downtown.

Okay.

Plus…Ballentine Resort located in South Charlotte changed its name to Ballentine Hotel and Lodge.

It seems that the term resort was a bit too ostentatious in these tough times.

There now. All is right with the world here in the Queen City.

Charlotte was named after Queen Charlotte. If you ever come to our airport there is a big bronze statue of queen Charlotte that looks like Barney Fife in drag.

What is this crap for crying out loud?

What it is…is my Explorer window after I scrolled the page. This Microsoft Explorer running in a newly installed XP (Microsoft) operating system and it does a real good job of smearing my content.

This happens regularly after a few hours. The browser becomes slow and unresponsive then crashes. Only a reboot will restore the browser to “good order”.

I love Chrome but it doesn’t like some secure sites I have to use in my work.

Any suggested fixes anyone? 

I Hate Uncertainty

The Kentucky Derby and the local PGA event are behind us and this signals summer is just around the corner. It was a muggy unsettled weather wise day yesterday and kept me off the lake for a second weekend.

There has been a strange turn of events for my upcoming Bermuda visit. The schedule and visit had all hinged around the Roseway’s scheduled return from St Croix to Boston via Bermuda.

That is where we would meet our friends who were to work the crew for a long weekend of fun and island exploration.

As of Friday night a new schedule surfaced that would take Roseway to Jacksonville, then a delayed trip to Bermuda.

This throws a turd in the punchbowl. Jacksonville is nice but it’s not Bermuda. We could cancel Bermuda and meet Michael and Terry there in Jacksonville. Then perhaps show them the beauty and uncluttered South Georgia coast.

Or we can go on to Bermuda ourselves with two less people although I am certain our chubby cheeks will be tear stained at their absence.

We should find out today what will be decided by the Roseway board.

Good May Saturday

In the South perfect weather has arrived for you and me and I am grateful. This past week I rode the Jeep topless to work every day.


The pollen has been brutal this year but some reason it has been more of an eye irritant than an allergic irritant. Because of the lack of rain every surface has a powdery yellow dust covering the surface.


I have had a million things to do this week but for whatever reason most chores went undone.


A few weeks ago I was filling out an online form that required my email address to continue. As a spoof I put Dr. in front of my name instead of Mr. The company assured that they would keep my email address private. Yeah, right.


Now I am getting email solicitations medical stuff in Spanish. So now in the email world there is a Hispanic Wreggie, MD.


Finally I really don’t like web sites that make noise. Even swooshes with fancy flash rub me wrong. The reason I don’t like noisy sites isn’t the sound but the noise identifies to others where I am and I like to keep my surfing anonymous.


Same for TV noises. There is no reason to have a swoosh noise on a TV graphic. It is cartoonish.