To top off the conditions, the grass is prematurely very green and lush.
The trees here have been extremely sexually active. There is pollen everywhere but there are also blooms and flowers everywhere. The culprit on the tree sex I am told are the pines trees…and I played golf at Pine Lake CC yesterday.
So, there was perfect weather, tree sex all around me, flowers, green grass, it wasn’t crowded, no Canadian Geese pooping on the greens, I played a great game (top 5), and I did not loose a ball.
It was so fun and relaxing. No pressures, no phone calls, just man against the little white ball and the haze of trees getting it on.
What a perfect day.
I was off to work just about in time for lunch. I had this lunch meeting with some big Midwest firm about identity theft. The restaurant is top shelf and known for their fresh and organic food. The food is always marvelous.
I was sitting at the table with a young lady from the representative firm, and several colleagues. It was formal business and there was very little small talk.
Finally the desert and coffee was served. I looked in the creamer and it looked foamy and non-homogenized.
I said, ‘Looks like this cream was just pulled fresh from ol’ Bessie”
I thought the young lady was going to blow her coffee across the room. She just fell out and folded up laughing.
Loosen up people. I enjoyed making her laugh.
This morning a buddy called me and asked if I wanted to see some naked women at the mall.
“Sure”, I said. I love naked ladies.
The deal was that PETA was protesting in front of the mall. Sure enough they were all naked but were draped in a protest banner so you couldn’t actually see any goodies.
Later on for some reason I felt a pity party coming on. I decided I had better get back to my workout regime. I haven’t worked out since I got sick.
As I entered the gym, I saw my friend Rosy. She asked if I wanted to join her in a walk instead of the usual routine.
We walked and she told me of a friend of hers that just died from cancer. My pity party melted away. Then we both look up and see our other workout buddy but she has on a wig. She told us that she has cancer too and the chemo has taken it out of her.
It’s only 2:30. What else will this day bring? It’s been interesting so far.
Southerners by nature are full of contrasts. Being a Gemini compounds this inner struggle.
Take something simple like ice tea. Southerners drink ice tea by the gallons. Now think about the tremendous conflicts in place by this simple concoction.
First you boil the water for the tea. Then you cool the tea down to the 30’s by adding ice. You add sugar to make it sweet. You then add lemon to make it sour.
So what is it? Hot? Cold? Sweet? Sour?
No, it is the sum of all of the above.
The same plays true with Asian sweet and sour food.
Forget Lassie and Timmy. My Timmy represents the gentle side of The Beast. The name came to be without forethought, so it must be. I probably wouldn’t have chosen Timmy but the contrast was irresistible.
This morning I woke up under stressful circumstances. I was lying there in bed just moments before by biological alarm clock was supposed to go off. Then in my subconscious I heard the back door knock. Suddenly the dogs all burst into frantic barking. This was for real!
Gigi has always warned me, “Reggie, if you sleep half naked, one day you’ll have to run out of the house half naked”
She was right. I struggled to find my boxer shorts in the dark with an air of house hold frantic commotion. I heard the knock again and the barking reached a crescendo.
Recently the cat, which I’ll refer to as the damn cat, has learned to bang on the back door by hitting some do-dad that Gigi hung on the door knob. This was the case this morning. A false alarm cased by the damn cat.
Now back to the religious stuff.
We all had a good laugh, Gigi, Boscoe and I. I sat down in my chair the read news from my laptop.
I noticed Haley our number 3 border collie had taken out seven of her stuffed toys and scattered them in a path across the living room. It reminded me of the passage about the Valley of the Dry Bones in Ezekiel. Now where I am going with this I’m not sure, but somehow the dog got me to thinking about my faith and that has to be good.
It’s time for a cup of coffee….
One was godaddy.com. Go Daddy requires you to spend your own nickel to make the call so you usually get through faster. They ask if you want to hear background music or dead silence. I opted for background music and boy was it the right choice. They had this very upbeat Dixieland jazz going that had even me up snapping (rubbing finger skin together) and dancing (awkward moves).
Then an energetic young lady with a Midwestern accent comes on all flirty and works me through my problem in minutes. I was happy.
I asked her to put me back on hold just for the jazz but she couldn’t do that she said.
In contrast I called HP support today to ask about a missing program or two when I upgraded to Vista. The background music stank.
Then a smarty pants young lady come on and her voice kept fading as she turned her head away from her mouthpiece. We went back and forth for twenty minutes and finally her solution was for me to rebuild my PC from scratch. “Hell no!” I said, “I’ll just pass on the missing programs.”
“Have I answered all of your questions today?”
Oh that makes me mad when they know good and well I’m pissed.
Friday’s concert was as good as expected. Go see the Celtic women if they are touring in your town.
Saturday didn’t turn out as planned. We never made it to the vineyard. Instead we spent more time than allotted at the RV dealer where I committed to buy a new 34 foot fifth wheel trailer.
The trailer is awesome and far nicer than my actual home that I live in. I left a deposit and told the salesman that I would work out the details Tuesday when they opened back up for business.
This means I have to get a big 5th wheel hitch installed in my truck bed and we have to clean out 10 years worth of stuff in the old RV to trade it in. I’ll miss the old trailer. There is a decade of fun that echoes on those walls.
Saturday’s weather was as nice as forecasted. Gigi and Amy sat in the back seat of the jeep and ate peanuts, Doritos, cashews and ice cream. I know because Gigi had many colors of food on her white pants. Both laughed constantly about who knows what. You can’t hear them with all the wind and motor noises.
This picture speaks volumes. I am standing beside Timmy the Beast with my Puerto Rican barber shirt on. I am giving a good muscle flex after a few beers. Please notice the new wheels and tires on Timmy.
Now notice a nice butt shot of Gigi collecting her stuff from the Jeep.
The concert was fantastic.
Two…in case you were wondering where my graphics were, I am in the middle of changing servers. Things should be normal tomorrow.
Third….we have loaded Timmy the Beast and we are headed to the foothills of NC. Yea, foothills!
Pictures to follow!
What does a man do with perfect weather? Yes, you there in the back. Did you say golf? Yes, that is the correct answer. I will play golf today. It will be a perfect day and I will play in the filet of the day weather-wise.
Then tonight we go to a concert. This is not just any concert. Tonight I will see the Celtic women in person. Oh my!
Then tomorrow I take “Timmy the Beast” out for his very first fun ride. I will completely remove the top and drive up to Raylen vineyards. Once there we will enjoy a jazz concert, local wine, roasted oysters and shrimp.
Oh what a difference a week makes. Last week I was lying in bed checking my temperature not caring if I died. That would have been sad though. I would have been so close to seeing the Celtic women and then go and die.
Sometimes we just stand and look at each other. Sometimes I cradle her head in my arms and feel her radiant heat.
She has such a familiar smell. Her hair is an orange red and pokes straight up. She has sky blue eyes.
She helped my through difficult times in my life, especially when I used to get depressed. She would always listen.
But now she is getting old and has difficulty standing. Her appetite is waning. She moves ever so slow.
You see, Lady is our oldest and first horse. She now is 20 something years old, maybe 27 or 28. She is so frail and thin now. Her condition breaks my heart but she ain’t done yet.
I hope she makes it through one more summer. I hope when she dies she is peaceful and goes naturally. Please God, take this pet when her time comes.
I put Lady to bed tonight and she is so meek and frail. She is also so sweet and gentle as she has always been.
The real story….
My jeep made this awful sound every time I shut it off. It sounded like a cow moo from under the hood. I didn’t know what the hell it was. My jeep also required me to hold the throttle open a bit in order to start the jeep.
So at lunch my BIL (Judy’s husband) was in town and I took him out for a manly ride in the Beast. He said, “Sounds like your idle controller is bad. Raise the hood and I can tell you.”
Tom stuck his index finger on a box with wires and pipes and declared it broken. He could feel the box “moo” every time I cut off the engine. He then explained what the controller did and showed me how easy it would be to change myself.
So I ran by the auto parts store on the way home and bought a brand new controller for $73. On the way home I stopped by my mechanic’s garage to enquire about the difficulty of the installation. He looked at me, rolled his eyes and grabbed the box from my hand. In two minutes I was up and running with a jeep that idled like God intended.
Didn’t know how handy I was!
I dropped the four wheels off at my tire dealer on Monday and told him to get me two new tires and balance all four.
I dropped by this afternoon and had all four installed on the jeep. They look bitchin’! Now my little jeep has an attitude. It looks so good.
I have never mentioned this before but Gigi and I always name all our vehicles. I know Ali does this too. Gigi’s 4Runner is Rocky. My F350 Ford is Big Red.
Today the Jeep shall officially be referred to as, “The Beast”.
The beast is an overstatement obliviously for a tough looking little Jeep. The Beast is also the name of a road on St Croix that runs from the north shore over a small mountain toward the rain forest.
I feel good with the name, The Beast.
The first summer I was out here, I planted 8 rows of white corn. I knew nothing about corn except that I like to eat fresh white corn in the summer, and I was in the country so I should farm.
To my delight we were inundated with ear after ear of white corn, so much corn, that I got a lifetime full and have never grown it again.
What intrigued me was the fact that we had a problem with corn silk worms that first year. Corn silk worms eat at the corn silk (clever name) and can be a big deal I guess if gone unchecked.
My question is, do you guess there are corn silk worms still waiting for me to grow them some corn? How long had they been waiting for me to grow corn in the first place? Do they infest other things besides corn?
The poor worms have to be in a terrible drought and I can promise it’s going to get worse.
Let’s see….going out of town is out of the question. I’ve already cancelled my trip tp Edisto Island. No interest in supper on the town. I haven’t eaten a whole meal in a week.
The dogs are sick of me. My wife is sick of me. I am sick of me.
Anyway…I guess I’ll knock off early and … oh heck; take my temperature a few extra times for laughs and giggles.
Have a great weekend everyone.
I have been sleeping very good the past week, with some very funky dreams sprinkled in.
One dream was that I went down a golden spiral staircase 2,000 feet in the ground. No one had ever gone down the entire staircase before. I got all the way to the bottom. It was a well lit area covered in blue stone gravel. I expected a lot of trash there like wrappers and cans tossed from up high, but instead it was very clean and the air was fresh.
I was dreading the assent. I was sure that I didn’t have the energy to get back to the surface all in one day. Suddenly I saw a guy coming out of a public restroom. I asked him if he knew an easier way out other than climbing the stairs 2,000 feet.
“Sure”, he said. “Take that door by the restroom. You’ll find a car you can use. Continue out of the parking lot and turn left at the second light. That will run you right into I-10 and that will take you all the way to Cincinnati. Once you are in Cincinnati you should be able to get home.”
Okay…. Cincinnati is a long way from where I thought I was.
First, I have instructed Gigi to not allow an open casket viewing in the event of my death; what with the eyebrow incident and all. I look hideous.
I went to the doctor yesterday as instructed, and I kept my word about further checkups. June 11, and the doctor will have his way with me.
I insisted on going to the doctor by myself which was a big mistake. I was way to sick to be doing this on my own.
I sat in the exam room trembling like a Chihuahua at the vet waiting to get neutered. I felt terrible…just like ass. The nurse finally came in and took my vitals. My blood pressure was very elevated and my pulse was very high. The doctor told me I was sick and there is nothing he could do except treat the symptoms. I knew that. So I left with a prescription for high blood pressure and a cough suppressant.
My doctor insisted on seeing me since I have dodged him since August of 2004. Good grief. That is just a couple of years and change.
If he can make me stop coughing and feel better, I promise I will come back ASAP to get a physical and I’ll even throw in one of those butt colon test, since I am over 50. I’ve been dreading that test since I was born.
Diversity Training – My Company requires up to six weeks per year of diversity training for it key employees. As president of my own company, I must lead by example. Having only one week of diversity training in St Croix for the year, it is necessary for me to take another short diversity training visit to Edisto Island, SC. We plan to leave Thursday in the RV and will return Sunday. I hope it makes me a better person.
The Jeep – The jeep is coming right along. The new steering wheel is installed. I knew I couldn’t do this myself so I took it to my mechanic, Mark. Mark owed me a favor from setting up his PC. He put the wheel on but it needs adjustment and a part for the horn to work.
500th Post – This post is my 500th post on this blog. Never in my life would I have though I would post this many topics and continue the posting as long as I have.
My eyes felt like giant boiled eggs in my sockets. Only a cool wet wash cloth brought relief.
By afternoon, my temp is near normal and I am thoroughly exhausted from lying in bed so long.
Please fever…break for good and make this a short sickness.
Before dinner I decided to take a shower, shave, and do a little grooming. By grooming I mean, remove any hair that ain’t where it used to be.
As a gentleman matures, the eyebrows start looking like Andy Rooney, if left to their own. Not me. No, clever me has a handy grooming kit that takes care of all sort of unwanted hair.
Last night I stood in front of the mirror after my shower, wrapped in a towel, and noticed the eyebrows needed a trim. Not to fear, I took out my trim kit and loaded a clip on trimmer that would cut my eyebrows at just the right length in seconds.
Zip! The hair fell in the sink.
Oh my God! I virtually buzzed my right eyebrow off!! I used the wrong clipper attachment.
I looked like Uncle Leo on Seinfeld.
I walked in the kitchen and told Gigi that I had a cosmetic emergency. She looked up and didn’t have to ask where.
She managed an emergency repair by using some eyebrow pencils, and she did a decent job.
Thank goodness it was dark by suppertime.
I don’t know what the heck I am going to do Monday in the light of day.
So I walked up to the counter and said, “I’ll have two medium Steamer Combos to go”.
Those seven words should have answered any question this young woman could think of in the realm of my order.
“Do you want white or wheat?” she asked?
“White”, I said.
The steamer combo by definition and menu is plain old white, ordinary, missionary style, white sub roll bread. Any other bread would bastardize the sandwich and be a complete breech pf protocol.
“You want a medium or large?” she asked.
“Medium”, I said.
She didn’t catch a damn word I said earlier.
“Is that all?” she asked in a clever close.
“That’s a combo, right?” I asked.
“Oh! You wanted a combo?” she asked.
“Yes”, I said.
Now the next sentence I would have bet the farm on.
“Is that for here or to go?” she asked.
“To go”, I sighed.
Unfortunately, she was way out of here league.
She didn't asked me if a I wanted a pickle. Amazing.
You know, you order something online and you get an email with a tracking number. You take that number and you can see the departure and arrival scans and get some idea of where your package is.
My brain takes it a little further. I can imagine my little brown box being tossed from truck to plans as it moves to my address. For some reason the planes I see are always old DC-3 tail draggers in a snow storm.
Imagine no more! Be still my heart! Now you can actually visually track your package on Google Maps with the help of Isnoop.
Go and dig up a tracking number and check this out for yourself.
I absolutely hate it when someone creases paper, and then continues to run their thumbnail down the crease over and over again.
The whole thing disgusts me. It to me is far more painful than the old, “scratching your fingernails down a chalk board”; although I admit it is closely related.
So if we ever meet, keep your creasing paper to yourself.
So I figured I would cut out early from work and do some manly work on my jeep.
Yesterday I installed the last seat and had only one bolt left over. I was so proud. I couldn’t get one joint to come together to save my life. If I couldn’t get the seat to budge by sitting on it and bouncing, I figured it was okay to install the seat minus one bolt. The seat is better than what was in there and I am dead anyway if I get in a big wreck.
So today it was going to be an easy job. It was so easy that Peaches, my number one border collie could have done it. You see, I ordered new drop in shift knob inserts. The old shift knob inserts were worn and dirty. All I needed to do was pop out the old inserts and drop in the new ones.
I got a pocket knife out (start getting suspicious here) and pried off the old insert. It was all gooey and left a residue in the indentation. I carefully started scraping the insert and ended out gouging some of the exposed knob. I went back to trim some goop off and slipped and gouged my hand.
Now I’m bleeding on a nice spring day in my drive way over a simple friggin insert.
I swear…..this builds character. It has to.
Peaches said she would finish the job for me.
Gigi and I need to stack our stackable washer/dryer combination. I cannot find a single person that isn’t ailing from some middle aged infirmity that can help us with the task.
Sorry I've been Aliish lately.
Today I had my 6 months checkup and cleaning. I had just had my damn sub for lunch (see below) and didn’t have a chance to brush my teeth.
I popped some gum in my mouth and snarled at the rearview mirror to check for sandwich debris. Oh my gosh! The sunlight shown directly up my nostrils and I about drove off the road. Gross!
Nostrils weren’t meant to be illuminated so intensely.
Sorry Patty. I hope it wasn’t too bad.
I know this will be crunchy, fresh, and fairly low calorie, and low fat. Best of all the taste is good and predictable. I am stuck in my ways, and I like, and find comfort in this fact.
One time I took them up on the offer of heating the sub. It tasted fine but I ended up getting covered in bread crumbs. I have decided not to toast my sub ever again, so forever more it shall be. I ended up looking like some kid in a high chair covered all over in crumbs.
Today I was in line at Subway and the guy mumbled behind the glass and asked if I wanted my sub toasted. I asked him to repeat what he said and I firmly said, “No thanks.”
No toasting for me.
Then the guy scoops up a few subs, mine included, and tosses them in the oven. I was aghast. How could he do this? My instructions were clear.
By now the crumbly toasted sub lay in front of me, ready for dressing. I demanded defiantly, with my arms crossed in a defensive manner, exactly what I asked for. I wanted an uncooked sub.
Well that got everyone in a bad mood. I had clearly pointed out the guilty party and he was mad. I upset the momentum of the girl who dresses the sandwich. Everything was out of order and amiss.
Everyone was acting like interruption was my entire fault. All I wanted was my damn sandwich as I ordered.
Just last week, I had a business meeting and an upscale restaurant called Mccormick and Schmick's. The place is beautiful, crowded, loud, and frankly I have never had a decent piece of seafood there relative to the price. Last week was no exception.
So my buddy and I head into a large dining area that looks to be set for 75 people. We find a good seat and start to talk. We can barely understand each other because of the afore mentioned problem, and the acoustics here were particularly bad.
I looked down and saw a buffet set up. I hate buffets.
I turned to my buddy and said, “I hate buffets”.
He looked puzzled and uncomfortable.
I asked, “Do you like buffets”?
He said, “Dude, I thought you said you hated your face. I didn't think there was much you could do and I didn’t know what to say. You face is okay”.
A classic case of old man disease.
It got so bad that I would get spankings after each visit to the fabric store. She couldn’t seem to figure out that life would be easier if she didn’t take me to the fabric store. She only spanked me with a yard stick from the fabric store (how cruel.) It never hurt. You can’t build much momentum with a yard stick.
One time I knew I was in for a spanking, so I ran to the sewing room and broke all of the yard sticks in two.
Finally, I grew up, got married and have enjoyed the peaceful bliss of not going to a fabric store…until last week.
When I was looking for Jeeps, I met a guy at a shopping center which happened to have a fabric store open. Gigi went waltzing over while I looked at the Jeep. What was she thinking? I walked in the store to get her and instantly I got angry. I hate those places with all their little buttons, zippers, yarn and fabric. I hate the smell. Who in their right mind would work there?
Oh it just makes my skin crawl.
The seat install is rated very easy. There are pictures on the web site of chimps installing the seats, so I know I could certainly do it myself. After all, it is just a matter of unbolting and re-bolting the seats together.
I started working about 11:30 AM. I determined that the passenger seat was the most needy since it had a 2X4 holding the seat back upright. The seat unbolted easily and I tossed it on the tailgate of my truck to see what to do next.
The seat adjustment slides were darn near frozen up from years of exposure. I began unbolting the slides from the seat and two bolts sheared off. The back two bolts were frozen in rust.
Not to worry. This is supposed to be fun! I am going to be patient with this if it kills me.
I finally got all the bolts off and lubricated and cleaned the slides. Since the bolts were useless it called for a trip to Home Depot for some new replacement bolts. I assume the driver side bolts are in the same condition so I sprung another 75 cents for two sets.
Its 1:45 now and I am on a roll. I have to coerce the back of the seat to the bottom of the seat and I blot them together. Then I bolt on the slides without problems.
Next, it’s just a matter of bolting the seat back in the Jeep.
Finally by 2:30 I have the passenger seat in and fully functioning. The driver side will be a snap.
Step by step, the seat came out, the bolts were rusted and ruined, and I cleaned the slides. I was having a fit though trying to assemble the seat, and bolt it together. After four attempts I notice that the nuts are welded on crooked. The seat is useless. No way can this seat work.
I now do not have a driver’s seat so I can not drive the Jeep.
I called the company to arrange for a return of the defective parts and I was informed that I have to wait until Monday.
Okay then…..I’m going to be patient. It’s Miller time anyway. It has to be 5 o’clock somewhere.
App State has won the nation title 2 years in a row, in their division. We are very proud of them.
Two things I know are going to happen. First, I know I can never get even 1 of the 110,000 tickets, because they are crazy about their football in Ann Arbor. Second, they will kill our guys. Our quarterback has these little skinny legs. He looks like he is riding a chicken.
That you Michigan, for the exposure and the revenues.