A Christmas Dog Shit Story

It’s been a while since I have shared a good heart warming dog shit story with my readers.

For new readers let me tell you that I live with five border collies who “work” by day outside (unless it’s raining) and sleep 12 hours at night in our house. These dogs are inseparable and even travel with us when we “camp” in the RV. They are our kids.

A few days ago it was time for the annual cleaning of the carpet. We do this once a year whether we need it or not to even out the tones created by dirty dog feet and orange clay, chewing of treats, accidents, etc.

When I came home from work the other day I was impressed. The guy did a great job on the carpet even the high traffic areas.

That night around midnight Haley woke us up by scratching the intake grate in the hall. They all do this to wake us up. Gigi swears they have a border collie manual on “how to wake up the humans”.  

Gigi got up to let Haley out but when she entered the dining room Gigi realized Haley woke her up simply to show off her steaming heap on the newly cleaned carpet.

Gigi went ballistic. “Okay young lady…you’re going to be my bitch today”.

Now technically Haley is a bitch (female dog) but I think Gigi was using the deeper dominate meaning of bitch.  

One thing I learned early on is border collies don’t take a scolding well at all. They hate any perception of failure and a scolding makes them withdraw.

And so, being Gigi’s bitch for the day involved sleeping in our bathroom the rest of the night, staying on a leash, and loss of freedom. 

Haley was noticeably shaken by her punishment.  

Last night Haley woke up by scratching the grate and Gigi woke me up to let Haley out. It was pouring down rain outside. One the way out I checked for accidents and the coast was clear.

I opened the door and Haley uncharacteristically ran out into the darkness and downpour.

After a few minutes I called for her, “Haley, that’ll do! Come home monkey shine!”

No response, just dark rain.

Gigi and I lay in our warm bed as Gigi verbally speculated that Haley had tied a red bandanna with her squeaky monkey inside to a stick and decided to run away.

Dawn came and no signs of Haley.

Finally Ramón our leaf cleanup guy knocked on the back door and a soaking wet prodigal border collie stood behind him.

Haley and Gigi made up. They sat in front of a warm fire and ate ginger cookies and hot chocolate. (I made that part up). 

11 comments:

Jay Gray said...

I always love a good dog shit story. Next time I hope you step in it. No offense to you but that just makes me laugh my ass off!!!!

MELackey said...

hahaha, Jay, I was thinking the same thing.

Sorry Wreg, but the funniest shit stories are the ones where the shit becomes attached to someone's foot.

Imagine the punishment Gigi would have inflicted on the poor dog had she been the one to step in it...

Chris said...

Ha ha, that's the best story I've ever heard.

"You're gonna be my bitch tonight".

I've even gotten that line from Ali before...

Micky-T said...

Thanks. That was perfect. A real steamer!

Our girly dog Luca doesn't take scolding very well either. It's so rare that she needs it, but man when we do, she melts herself into the cracks of the floor to get away from us being mad at her.

Ali said...

Monkey shine?

Is that a Carolina thing?

Wreggie said...

Its just a little pet name I have for Haley.

She'll come running to Monkey Shine. Basically I use the name when we are acting silly which is most of my waking moments.

TerryC said...

What a heart-warming holiday story. It's one I must remember to tell my grandchildren some day.

I'm gonna go bake some gingerbread cookies right now ;-) ....

terri said...

How much did you make up? Is there really a Ramon-the-leaf-clean-up-guy? I laughed out loud at the last sentence. I laughed so hard that Mark made me read the post to him and the whole thing was even funnier the second time around. Tell Gigi to take it easy on Haley. Haley's just trying to assert herself as the alpha-bitch. You can't blame her for trying.

Wreggie said...

Yes there is a "Ramon the leaf guy". He is a legal Mexican that does occasional yard work for me. He is only the leaf guy in the fall.

I am bless to have a darn interesting life. The rest of the story is true except for the part about the fire and cookies.

Let's see....I have a man from Canada coming today to watch an NFL game tomorrow. See?

Terryc...God bless us every one.

Michael said...

I was feeling so warm and fuzzy after reading this I had to post a Christmas Shit story of my own, no dogs, just a Christmas Shit.

CarmenSinCity said...

awwwwwww - they sound adorable. I'm a HUGE dog lover and I love cute little heart warming doggy stories. I just yelled at a girl at work today because I found out that she leaves her dogs outside all day while she is at work. I'm like "why even bother having dogs if you are going to leave them outside?" UGH. Drives me nuts!