A Contrast of Two Families

I love to eat good food and I like to cook for people who like to eat and experiment, especially at an event. I guess it’s a wild fantasy of mine to have married into a fat Italian family where a meal means a celebration.

My wife’s side of the family is for the most part straight up missionary style eaters. Meat and potatoes only as long as it is normal meat and white potatoes. Don’t try any lamb or sweet potatoes, just the beef and the fluffy white style of potatoes.

No bread or gravy because it makes you fat. If you leave off the bread and gravy they’ll ask for it. It’s loose-loose in some departments.

The food they eat doesn’t have to be good. I know, I’ve served them crap from the box and can and they are just as happy as if you slaved over the meal all morning. So I don’t bother anymore prepping great meals.

One member of Gigi’s family’s only requirement is the food must be hot. This is difficult sometimes because timing food to be hot means you must be there when the food is hot, but I’ll get into that in a moment.

Going to a Mexican restaurant is a wild culinary night for them. They are more consumed with talking about their weight and how they keep it under control rather than enjoying a good meal and a social event.

It is not uncommon for them to ask you how much you weigh and how much do you want to weigh? To me, how much pull gravity has on my body is not a table conversation. But they'll insist on this conversation at every gathering.

When ever we cook here at my home we expect her family to be unpredictably late. They will be late, we just don’t know how late. For this reason they will never eat food at its peak.

If by chance all of her family is here at once, a call to a meal comes as an unexpected event and they scatter to “wash up” like they haven’t peed in days while doing their normal turd juggling job. Some may be gone 10 minutes washing like raccoons. Jeeze, how dirty can your hands be? We use forks here.

There is always one straggler; (I won’t mention who) who finally makes the grand entrance for all to see. By then the food is cold and the aforementioned is upset because his (or her) crappy box food is cold.

In contrast, call my family to a meal and you get an almost cartoonish crowd instantly that is all smiles dirty and full of pee or not. In fact Judy and I are without a doubt the fastest responders.

Judy and I will smile and make yummy faces at each other because we really like what we are doing.

Oh the joys of the holiday season. 

14 comments:

bonnieluria said...

Wreggie- I'm so sorry for your spartan epicures. They're missing one of life's guaranteed pleasures.
Too bad they don't know the thrill as most Jewish and Italian families do, of talking in detail about dinner while still eating lunch.
Never mind that we're always trying to lose those last 5 pounds.

You're quite the raconteur.

Jay Gray said...

That is horrible! I could not be in a setting like that. I love to cook but often overdo things so I get flustered and frustrated. Sometimes with Rhonda's family I will have to say something twice for them to get up and eat.

I know exactly what you mean about the Hunnicutt side. I can just picture us all way back when rushing from Grandma's family room to the dinner table for Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone just so happy they were about to eat a homemade meal!

Judy said...

Funny and so true about us. I am well known in my circle of friends for always being first in line to get food. I try to stand back when I am the hostess.

Wreggie said...

Bonnie...you island folks and your big words. I thought a raconteur had something to do with a raccoon.

MELackey said...

you have described my family and Shelly's families to a "t". Her mom even goes to the extreme to take what little taste there is out of the simple recipe food. Sugar is left out and a mixture of Splenda and equal are substituted. Everything else is fat free, sodium free.

My family uses real butter, full strength sour cream, and full strength cheese. Paula Deen Looks like the Weight Watchers lady compared to Holiday meals with my side of the family.

Jay Gray said...

I am like Judy. When someone else makes the food, I'll push women and children over if I have too to get to it fast!

But when I cook, I wait last and often won't even serve myself till I see everyone has tried the food and I see how they like it!

mr zig said...

I'm always a first responder to the call to dinner as well - mmmmmm

Insatiable Kate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Judy said...

Talking about fixing great food remember that time you grilled baloney in St. Croix for our lunch? That was good. Everything is better in St. Croix.

MELackey said...

Jay, you and I are the same. We both wait until last when we have cooked, but is that because we've pretty much had our fill "sampling" while cooking?

I'll fry uop venison every now and then and everyone wonders why I don't eat but a couple of pieces. Never mind that I sample a piece or 2 from eatch batch, so I might have had 8 or 10 pieces by the time I put the platter out for everyone to dig in.

Kuckie said...

Wreggie, you crack. me. up.

I am with you though...quit making the same-old, same-old, and break out for once!!! If I see one more green bean casserole or a canned cranberry sauce "log", I'm going to lose it on someone!!!

Judy said...

Kuckie, I LOVE green bean casserole! Don't take that away!

terri said...

Wreggie - you can cook for me anytime and I promise to eat with reckless abandon!

Randi said...

Hmmmm.....who could that straggler be of which you speak???