Bathrooms and Elbows

Oh man these hotels. I stumbled out of bed this morning in my boxers and walked into the bathroom. I flick on the light, look to my right and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Why in the hell do they put these gigantic mirrors with stadium lighting in hotel bathrooms? Talk about a crush to body image.

There standing before me was a slumped over, paunchy, middle aged man, with red eyes and bus hair like the bride of Frankenstein. This well illuminated stranger needed to pee badly.

In other news………

Yesterday I prodded Ali until she asked me how I knew the clear white woman was 21. Thank you Ali for going along with me on this.

Gather around fellows…I will share a secret about women. You can tell if a woman is under 21, 21, or over 21 by looking at their elbows.

I’ll wait a moment while all the ladies check their elbows.

This method I am sharing is as accurate as carbon dating. I discovered this by accident back when I was in my 20’s.

Okay…the very first thing to go on a woman is her elbows with her arms extended. Prior to 21, a woman’s elbow is smooth without wrinkles or nearly so. At 21 she develops the first folds or wrinkles. After 21 she permanently has an elbow that marks her over 21 for life. Simple, effective and accurate.

Guys, at this point your bride will start asking you about her elbows. Assure her that her elbows are smooth as a baby’s butt, and go on with your day.

Try this the next time you go to the mall.


Terri said...

I checked my elbows. I'm definitely over 21 (GASP!) Now, do tell... what's the gage for measuring a man's age???

Chris said...

The main question is - did you suck in your gut when you saw your reflection? That move was perfected by men in the 1800's. It's funny that we do this even when we're alone.
I gotta remember that one. "No honey, I was looking at her elbows..."

Liv said...

Okay, I may be delusional, but I don't see any wrinkles and I'm mere weeks away from being 30. Does this mean I'm awesome or psychotic?

Ali said...

Thanks for the afternoon laugh! Krista and I both automatically checked our elbows, even before you told us to and then sat there and laughed at each other.

Is that really true?
If so, you may be a genius...but I have made it my mission to start asking women their age when I see the nice elbows and they're around the 21 mark...and if I ever find a 22 year old with hot elbows I'll send you a picture.

Reggie Hunnicutt said...

Sorry for the late posts...I came crawling in late last night like an old Tom Cat.

Terry... most guys act like they are 14 so the age testing thing is more difficult.

Chris...of course I sucked in my gut.

Liv.... It's best that someone else trained in the elbow sciences make that determination. Your judgement may be biased... or you could be a freak.

And Ali.... I knew you would look at your elbows right away. That was an "Ali Trap".

Ali said...

The "Ali Trap" ? Hrmp, now I'm pouting - nice going Reggie. Now Krista and Zig will be teasing me all day.

LOL - actually, I like the way it sounds - I may start using that one.