Wednesday Updates

There has been no substantial improvement in the coat hanger in my lifetime. It is the same twisted wire thing of my childhood. I guess it is as good as it will ever be. I don’t know what else I could want. Maybe they should add a computer chip to it.

I get miffed when I ask someone over the phone to change my billing address and they say they can’t do it without my written permission. They can do most anything else over the phone except send my bill to the right address so I can pay it. Okay.

I was up late last night (for me) directing strong movers to my new office. These two guys got more accomplished in 5 hours than I could have done in two days with zero bitching. I would have bitched and moaned the whole time. I just paid them some money and they did the job I hate flawlessly.

Thursday and Friday are doing to be glorious days for weather here. My soul is beckoning me to head back to the lake or golf course one of those two days. I must unpack all the crap I just moved. I need to bust my butt today so I can make that happen.

I have this stately new chair arrangement in my new office. I feel like Alistair Cooke sitting there.

It's Move Day!

Today is move day for me. I will have all my stuff boxed by this afternoon and movers will come to take all my office crap to my new office during an after hours move this evening.

I hate moving because you have to face the reality of all the useless stuff you’ve collected. Plus it’s a lot of dusty work.

I have spent the last two days actually dumping drawers full of stuff. I threw out a 1984 microwave I bought from JC Penny in the same year. There was a round of applause in the office. Everyone hated that microwave. We are all certain we have some radiation damage from that appliance fossil.

The Bunn Coffee maker got a stay of execution when Ty agreed to take it and see if he could sell it on eBay.

I had tons of hard back books that made me look smart and they are gone. I had industry awards lining the shelf and most are gone. Finally I attacked the middle drawer of my desk where I keep dried up pens, old business cards and loose change.

I noticed during all of this packing that in every drawer there was one dried up rubber band and a paper clip at the bottom of each drawer. I’m not sure what that was about.

I Want to Share....

I’ve been reading a new blog lately and it makes me smile with every new post.

This is not a quiet intimate blog where you are going to meet people, but it deserves a mention because it is so well written and funny. The truth is funny sometimes.

The blog is called Stuff White People Like.

If you are a North American white person you will relate to this blog.

Enjoy!

The Maiden Voyage

First, I want to thank Michael and Terry of St Croix. Without their knowledge and experience on their boat this would never have happened.

Yesterday was beautiful here. I packed the boat on the roof rack of the Jeep and made a makeshift motor mount for the outboard on the front bumper.

I packed the seats, oars, and life jackets in the back seat.

I drove to South Carolina with many eyes staring at my contraption as I headed down the interstate highway.

I met my friend Ty and we headed to the Lake Wylie Yacht Club for the first launch of my new boat.

We immediately drew a crowd with people asking; what is it? Will it float? How much did I pay for it?

Very soon the boat took shape and we carried it to the water. Then I followed and mounted the motor and loaded the boat.

I was curious to see how long it would take to start the motor and it stared with one pull.

We spent the next 3 ½ hours cruising the lake, testing the motor range and generally having a blast. I couldn’t believe how well the boat handled and how fast it would go at full throttle.

We stopped at a marina for a few celebratory beers then headed back to the Yacht Club.

Disassembly and packing was as easy as the setup.

Overall I am very pleased with my purchase, no regrets here.

I was amazed too that I only burned maybe two quarts of gasoline for such a long time on the water. The motor is quiet, light, and powerful.

A Nice Round of Golf

I played golf yesterday with a British fellow.

He is 10 years older than me and steeped in English tradition. He plays the game with honor and abides by the rules and protocol of golf more than most Americans.

He respects the game for the history as much as he respects the fun derived from the game.

We had a nice leisurely game of golf yesterday just the two of us, and I never felt so unabashedly Caucasian.

I Hate This

We ordered pizza in for lunch yesterday and ordered from a new trendy chain in town called Danatos.

The pizza was good. First they brought the wrong pizza and they said keep it and they’ll bring the right order in a while. Both the right and the wrong order were delicious and very fresh tasting.

But what irritates me now days is the way pizzas are cut. Someone a few years ago decide the traditional wedge wasn’t cool anymore and they decided to cut pizzas in little squares.

Technically speaking this sucks. Now with these little squares you get sauce and ingredients all over your hand. No longer is it finger food. Gone are the days when you could neatly grab a piece of pizza by the crust and begin the slow nibble down to the crust.

I hate it too if I am in a hotel and order a pizza and they never bring a napkin. Then I have to use a wash cloth as a napkin while I think about who used this cloth on what. Plus I think about what the maid thinks I did with the wash cloth. This all causes me stress.

If they would cut the pizza correctly like God intended then I wouldn't need a napkin.

I'm Strolling Down Memory Lane

I am in the middle of moving my office so I have had my head in dusty boxes all week rather than the computer. Hopefully by months end or sooner I can turn off the lights for the last time here and start anew in my newer, upscale space about 600 yards away.

The problem is moving 600 yards or 600 miles is about the same trouble.

The problem too is I get all nostalgic going through all my stuff. I have baby pictures of dogs that are old now, a hotel room key (real key) to a room in the Plaza, NY across from Central Park.

I have dozens of dried out pens, half used pile of post-it notes with company logos that went broke years ago.

There are business cards from people that I wonder what happened to them.

I found some salad crackers I swear are from George H W Bush administration. I didn’t eat them but they were still crunchy.

I have too many decorations, pictures, keepsakes. I have a film container of dirt from my first trip to St. Croix, a red stone from Sedona, AZ, a 300 year old brick from the ruins of Brunswick Town, NC.

There are dozens of electric cords, chargers and such from electronics that were long ago discarded.

My new office is smaller but nicer. I’ve sold a lot of furniture on Craig’s List and still to get rid of a few cubicles, a Bunn Coffee maker and a microwave I bought back in 1984. I still have the instruction book on how to cook a turkey in that thing. What were they thinking?

Well, enough of memory lane for now, back to packing.

Its a Real Boat Ya'll

Today was the day that I put together my boat.

At first it was as if I was trying to pry open a giant clam. Three times I lost my grip and my left leg was eaten by the beast.

Out of breath I rested and regrouped. It can’t be this hard, there is a lady with big hair on the directions that put one together by herself.

On the 4^th attempt I succeeded in prying open the jaws and locking the sides apart with the handy tool provided.

Sorry, I was still in my PJs.

There, the jaws of the beast wide open.

Adding a few seats and it's starting to look like a boat.

You know me, I couldn't wait to get the lettering on. Origami. I need to get a magic marker and scribble on a 2 since her sister boat Origami is in St Croix. Then it will look like Origami squared.


I put on the bow cap and will let this thing rest in the sun for a few days to loosen the joints.

UPDATE:

The comment has been challenged by another blogger so we’ll go to the booth for a review.

After reviewing the picture, the comment stands. There was one Topsider deck shoe clearly showing on the left foot and we have no evidence another deck shoe is on the right foot.

The challenger will be charged one time out.

I'm Making Plans

I am getting very pumped up about the boating possibilities this summer down on the coast.

Down in Brunswick County, North Carolina there are a lot of tidal creeks like Lockwood Folly that essentially are black water, undisturbed, and loaded with birds and wildlife. My boat draws 4 inches so essentially I can go most anywhere a canoe or kayak can go. Better yet I can motor where deep enough.

Lockwood Folly is navigable 14 miles inland. I have passed the suggested launch site off the highway many times and have longed to explore those quiet black waters.

Yes there are a few alligators and snakes, but from my experience the attacks are stuff movies are made of. Most gators and snakes sun themselves and look for something to eat. I’m a star and I’m not lunch.

Then there are various barrier islands like Battery Island that are bird nesting preserves. No one is allowed to land there but you are free to observe from the water.

Then there is Buzzard’s bay along side Bald Head Island. This is a shallow area of wild life to explore fit for a canoe or Porta-Bote.

There are vast stretches of deserted and isolated beaches to explore. Simply put, you may be a 500 yard boat ride from densely populated areas. The only thing separating you from the world is a strip of water and maybe 250 years of development.

I love exploring beaches that are undisturbed and undeveloped.

Curb Feelers, and Ocean Animals

I was driving home in the snarled mess of afternoon traffic when I came across a bright spot.

In front of me was this Hispanic fellow, legal I am sure, and he had pimped his ride with some old fashioned chrome curb feelers. But these curb feelers weren’t on his fenders, he had them attached to his truck lid like Christmas ornaments.

I certainly can’t make fun of him. After all, this story is coming to you from a middle aged man that put Shore Patrol on his windshield of his Jeep.

I wonder how curb feelers would look on the Jeep?

You know, a dolphin could stay under water endlessly if it weren’t for that pesky blow hole in the back of his neck. I’ve never seen an animal better equipped for water than a dolphin except for that they have to breathe air. How stupid is that?

I would have drowned my first night as a dolphin. I sleep too good to remember to breathe.

Then you look at a walrus, a big fat blob with flippers that spends most of his time on land. Don’t you think it would occur to him to get his big buoyant lard ass in the water more often?

He’s got flippers for God’s sake yet stays on land. It just doesn’t make sense.

Lighten Up People

And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

And then North Carolina saw the gathered water called seas and said, “If it’s good enough for God, let’s tax it.” And so they did.

They taxed the vessel, the motor, the ability to pull fish from the water, the sale of the vessel and motor and said, “For now you are free to look upon water for free and nothing more.”

And then North Carolina said further, “Ye shall not drink adult beverages upon the water or have an open contain thereon.”

Seeing that this was all good the Feds stepped in and said, “Ye shall carry with you certain provisions like life jackets and such or be subject to fine. You shall no longer refer to directions as left and right. It shall be called port and starboard.”

It just a 10 foot 11 inch boat people…lighten up.

A Spring Afternoon

Last weekend was so windy and cold that I didn’t get any time to play with my new boat. Today I decide to cut out early and do some chores around home and drag out the boat if I had time.

The spring onions needed mowing and the lawn mower had to be coaxed back to life. I jump started the lawn tractor and it smoked a bit then resumed life as it knew it last fall.

In no time the air was filled with the aroma of onions, dog shit, and ground up leaves.

Now I had time to drag out the hull. I unfolded the boat to reveal the Hull Number so I can register this boat. I am so glad I bought the 10 foot model because that is about all I can handle, carry and lift by myself.

Contrary to what Terry said the boat looks great. Yes it is strange looking.

The newer models have a big decal applied on each side toward the back that advertises the fact it’s a Porta-Bote. This will still leave me room for my Origami II decal and then the NC State registration number. Each side will be full of numbers or lettering.

Right now I am filling out paperwork to register the boat and motor with the state.

Oh another thing…I got my marine radio. It is so cool and it was cheap at $39 from Overton’s. I’ve been reading about all the marine channels and protocol. Plus it has weather channels and warning sirens. It tells what channel to talk to whom.

I was practicing my Mayday calls for laughs.

I really don’t know what to expect with this boat. It has been 30 years since I powered a boat in the Intracoastal Waterway. The waterway is crowded with every thing from yachts to dingies.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll drag out all the parts for a complete piecing together of Origami II.

Expect pictures and maybe video.

More Dreams

I have the ability in my dreams to effortlessly float around weightless. I do it a lot in my dreams and prefer floating to walking.

I’m not really flying per se, just levitating and floating along.

This activity is very fun and no one else seems to be able to do it. People are amazed to see me float around.

Another thing I do in dream land is smoke. Yes I am a cigarette smoker in my dreams.

Last night my filters kept breaking off so I was smoking just plain old strong cigarettes.

I have always had an active dream life.

When I was a child I would walk and talk in my sleep. I even walked in my sleep in my early marriage.

Sleep walking always evokes good stories from the people that are awake. I never remember sleep walking until I start waking up.

Finally, I am an epileptic who only has had seizures in my sleep. I guess this accounts for my abnormal night time brain function.

I am in a very active dream cycle now and look forward to sleep. The changing of the season always effects my sleep cycle.

Well, I going to shake the cobwebs out and go to work.

I'm Awake

Yes my friends, there is a Eudora 8.0. As you recall, I have been sitting here in sackcloth, heaping ashes upon my head at the loss of my trusty Eudora.

It seems that a bunch of nerds have taken the code and are making it open source. They have released Eudora 8.0 and it seems workable. I’ll have to fiddle around with it today to see if I can restore most of my old email and settings.

Now I want to pass on a warning to you youngsters. At about 50 years of age your ability to tolerate daylight saving time change diminishes. It becomes a real hardship adjusting the old body clock to new times.

I woke up at 7 AM dead on and could have slept another hour. Forget that I normally wake up at 5:30 naturally. No, my body rebelled and stacked on some more sleepy time.

I know…I could move to St Croix where they don’t follow that nonsense of clock changing. It is always Atlantic Standard Time down there.

And finally, Cedie let this squeaky, long, and very audible doggy poot at 2 AM. It woke Gigi and I up and got us laughing so hard I thought I wouldn’t get back to sleep. I did (see paragraph 4).

Steady as She Goes

It is so rare when you have a concept that you can take to reality without a hitch.

Look how perfect this outboard motor and tank fit this foldable saw horse.

I unpacked the boat and it is a beauty. There was no damage in transit.

I decided against a dry run today since the winds are gusting over 40 mph and sustained at 25 mph.

It’s so windy the dogs water bowls are white capping.

Okay Laddies! Batten Down The Hatches!

My ship came in yesterday. Yes, my Porta-Bote arrived at International Whatever trucking in Charlotte. I couldn’t wait for a Monday delivery so I ventured out in a pouring cold rain to pick up Origami II.

As I arrived home I check the mail and found a set of “Origami” lettering send from St Croix. It was cosmic…meant to be.

I took two sets of lettering down for Michael in February. Michael used one set and shipped the others back for me to use.

So now I have this long cardboard box in my truck, and another box with oars, padding and seats.

You can bet your ass that I’ll have this boat out, put together, and lettered before the day is over, that is if the gale winds will die down. See how I’m talking all nautical and stuff?

I was so excited about my new found hobby that I bought a cheap marine radio online this morning. Now I can wreak havoc on the airwaves as I travel the seas.

Excitement Abounds!

As you may recall, I am deputy Fire Marshall of the first floor. I have held this esteemed position for almost one year.

As of the end of the month I will have to give up this post since we are moving to another building.

Not once during my tenure was I called into action.

Guess what? We just had a fire and the Fire Marshall was at lunch so I was called into action.

The maintenance crew was applying new pine needles (pine straw is what we call it) to the surrounding shrubbery (bushes we called them).

Meanwhile, the interior maintenance guy flips on the outdoor light that illuminates the building at night. The powerful light ignited the dry needles and a fire raged for about 5 minutes.

There I was standing in the smoking rubble like Rudolf Giuliani examining the two destroyed shrubs.

A Fish Story

I heard an amusing anecdote at lunch today.

Two fish were swimming side by side when one of them ran into a concrete wall.

He yelled, “Oh shit!”

No, "Oh dam!"

Just Checking In...

Gigi called me at work yesterday and said, “Your ship has come in.”

I was happy at the news but wasn’t sure what she was talking about. Then I remembered that my Porta-bote was on order.

It turns out it was the 5 HP motor. I expect the boat in a few days.

I can’t wait to take the rig to the lake and break in the motor. Sounds like a nice lazy day with a picnic to me. I plan to mount the boat on the Jeep overhead rack and mount the motor on the back in the receiver hitch of the Jeep. It should all look cool and be fun.

It is definitely turning spring here. My front yard is covered in onions, actually wild garlic I am told, and the smell hangs heavy on the horse’s breath.

The tree buds are swelling and all the early flowers are out.

Now we are experiencing a few stolen warm days in trade for a few days of winter. Gradually though, spring is winning out, and I like that.

We have been fortunate this winter to get a large amount of rain. We are still officially in a drought but all the ponds and lakes are returning to normal levels.

Norwegian Nipple Piercers

I met some interesting new people on my last trip down to St Croix. I love to hear where people are from and how they got there.

“Reggie, this is Hans, he is a professional nipple piercer from the fiords of Norway.”

“Oh really”, I say as I pull up a chair. “What brought you to St Croix?”

I know now that I am in for a one hell of an interesting story about how this guy pierced nipples on some freighter, working his way across the Atlantic. Then he lived 6 years in Canada until the government outlawed Norwegian nipple piercers, so he looked south and bla, bla, etc.

On an unrelated note…

Last night I had this really strange dream. I was a sheet rock hanger and not a very good one. For some reason I preferred to work naked. All of my work was lousy.

On the third day I was warned that I had better do better job or I would get fired, and for God’s sake, put on some pants.

What was that about?

The Weekend

Shit fire and apple butter….tings haven’t been going right for me; nothing big or life threatening, just little crap.

Friday my email program Eudora got corrupt. Eudora is a very old email client and it is no longer produced or supported. I have kept email from 2001 on. I still have all my attachments from then so I’ll get by. It never worked that well with Vista operating system.

I had all my email accounts set up, filters, addresses and so on. It was like playing an old familiar piano; expect I don’t actually play a piano in real life.

I’ll miss Eudora; she’s been a friend since the mid 90’s. On to Google Mail I guess.

I drove to Oak Island yesterday to deliver the TV cabinet to my mother in law. I had one mishap when I literally popped my thumbnail between a TV and the cabinet. Blood was everywhere but it stopped soon.

On the way down and back I listened to Raw Dog comedy on satellite radio. I laughed my ass off for eight hours and nearly had to pull over at one point. I was in tears laughing all by myself.

When I got home this morning it was in the 60’s. I took the doors off Testicules the Jeep
(The Jeep formally know as Timmy the Beast) and got ready for a fun romp in the country. Everything was ready and I attempted to start the Jeep and heard, CLICK.

Hmmm, maybe the battery is dead. Nope the jumper cables didn’t help. Maybe the battery is shot. I took the battery out and had it tested at the auto parts store. Nope the battery is fine.

I called my mechanic and he said it sounded like the solenoid was stuck. I hit it with a hammer and now the click was totally gone.

No fun Jeep ride today.

And now the really bad stuff. I am watching standard definition TV off of analog cable. The TV is on the floor with dusty components all around.

My satellite HD setup is not working right so I continue suffering.

I need to get busy shopping for a Plasma TV.

Things are a Changing Around Here

Things, they are a changing here in the household as we say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

This morning I am unloading our monstrous TV cabinet that just a few years ago was all the rage. Now it’s old and outdated and almost no one can get rid of them. We paid close to $3000 for the thing.

Fortunately my mother in law is running about 15 years behind in technology and she was thrilled with the idea of getting this fine piece of furniture, an old standard definition TV, and I tossed in an old VCR.

I’ll pack it all up this morning and drive down to Oak Island, NC to deliver it this afternoon.

Then next week I’ll go plasma TV shopping.

Oh The Pressures of Life

Don’t you just hate running out of toilet paper? It happened to me this morning.

There it was a tiny ball of paper against a tremendous biohazard.

Oh I wasn’t out out, as Gigi and I say, just out on the dispenser. In fact all I needed to do was lean over, grab a roll off a cabinet and reload. But then I’m stuck with an inaccurate load.

First I have the little wad at the end of the roll in my hand and now I try balance the wad with the new roll.

But to add to the pressure is Gigi’s insistence that I put the roll on a certain way. We use white paper so it doesn’t matter to me but it does to her. I can’t ever remember if she like the roll to flow over the top or out from the bottom.

4 Things Buggin' Me

1)I don’t like the word angler. Oh the word is fine but it should have nothing to do with a fisherman. The word sounds far too sophisticated in describing bait stinky, beer guzzling fishermen.

An angler should be a specialized area of study in geometry.

2)I get miffed when I click on a web link and it says it’s under construction. No it’s not. Write some damn content, the page has been built and formatted. You my dear friend were too lazy to finish writing the content. Under construction my big ass.

3)I ate a steak last night and I feel like a python that ate a pig. I rarely eat red meat. It was delicious but goodness Wreg, when can we expect to digest this meal? Are we getting too old for a steak?

4)Our waste service just started recycling. They raised our prices, gave me a tiny plastic bin, and expect me to sort and wash my garbage.

God knows I love the planet, animals, women and children but I loath washing and sorting my garbage. Its garbage, bury it and cover it with dirt and build a municipal golf course over it. Don’t make me wash it and pick through it.

What the hell are they going to do with Little Friskies cat food cans and beer bottles?

How Grown Men Decorate Their Jeeps

I have finished most of my hardware upgrades for my Jeep. Oh I still need some bigger tires, a few more chrome do-dads and what-nots, but for the time being I am doing some cosmetic upgrades.

I am sticking with a beach theme for now of Shore Patrol.

As I understand it, the Shore Patrol (pictured below) was a group of unregulated Navy men and MP’s that operated mainly in US Navy ports to pick up drunk sailors during WW II. They were armed only with night sticks and made sure sailors were back on the ship before curfew.

I had this decal made (top picture) and applied it on Saturday along with an STX (St Croix) dive sticker. I think it looks quite official. Gigi was afraid I would get stopped impersonating a military officer.

Cedie and I went for a Sunday ride looking for some shores to patrol. We mostly saw pond shores, and got a lot of waves from Jeep fans.

This other picture (left) is of Michaels Jeep in St Croix. Michael is a bartender at the Deep End Bar and not my friend Michael that I refer to frequently.

He has decorated his Jeep with countless do-dads glued to his dash board and instrument panel. He said people leave stuff on his seat now to add to the collection.

Tings I'm Tinking About

I’ve had this fantastic version of “Bringing on the Heartbreak” by Def Leppard going on and on in my head. I fired up the real version on iTunes and it wasn’t near as good as my version in my brain.

My Internet social network that has sustained me for two years is drying up. I understand people are busy, new mommies, new daddies, bored with their life, etc. It just seems like my circle of blogs that I read are fading off into the sunset like an unfinished book. Not that I read books. It takes a lot of trial and error to find new blogs to read.

Any week now I expect it to be spring like. I have been teased with 4 or five days in the 60’s. I am actually seeing some spring business going on. The trees are budding, some azaleas are starting to show, and the always early daffodils are out. We call daffodils buttercups but northerners make fun of us for this.

Tip of the Month

Zig and others listen up.

I have found a way to convert a shitty, useless gift from a place you rarely shop, to a portable and useful gift, personalized just for you.

“Oh wise Wreggie, how do you do this?” you might ask.

Let’s say my nephew gives me an Old Spice Gift pack for Christmas. You know with cheap after shave, soap on a rope, etc.

Rather than just let it sit in the closet waiting to be thrown out, I now take it to Wal-Mart and get money back as a gift card since I don’t have the receipt.

Now, rather than have a useless box of man soap, I now have a useless Wal-Mart gift card in my wallet worth $12.99.

But wait. Walk over to most any end cap and pick up an iTunes card and pay for it with your newly acquired gift card. You may have to round up to the next denomination.

Now you have tunes you will own and enjoy for life. I manage to keep a credit going at the iTunes store using this method.

Summer Will Come

I’m getting excited about spending a lot of time on the coast of NC next summer down in Southport, NC.

I am familiar with Southport since we have visited the several dozen times. I am getting frustrated however trying to do some research on the Internet. Most of the web sites are poorly done and are outdated.

I did contact the dock master about visiting Bald Head Island just off shore. I emailed him about protocol and fees. The last time we asked permission to dock at Bald Head I was in a boat that had a marine radio.

Most of the dock masters I have encountered are angry assholes; especially the dock master down at Jekyll Island.

Bald Head is a beautiful place. Cars are not allowed, only electric carts. The light house Old Baldy resides there. I need to climb it one more time before I am too old to do it or don’t give a crap about doing it.

What I need to find down there is a local friend that has similar interests and can tell me the best places to find dolphins, where to join a turtle watch club, the best places to eat, best place to watch a sunset, best place to go crabbing, best watering holes, best special events/entertainment, etc.

Southport and the general area is billed as a “family place” which is a code word for boring. Simply put, if it goes beyond fried flounder, ice tea, and hushpuppies you are considered a lush.

Let’s see, here is the calendar of events for yesterday:

Kickboxing 9:30 am - 10:30 am
Teen Kickboxing 11:00 am - 12:00 pm
Table Tennis Club 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Alcoholics Anonymous OI Camel 24 Club 8:00 pm

I suck at ping pong and can’t see me kick boxing.

Man Toys

I’d like to wish a happy birthday today to Testicules, my red Jeep Wrangler. It has been a year since I bought that warn out looking Jeep, on that cold, rainy night.

In a year I have completely rebuilt the interior, new seats, sprayed the metal with Rhino Liner, new radio and speakers, new convertible top hardware, various do-dads, lifted the Jeep 2 inches, new wheels, new tires, had the paint polished, tune up, chromed the grill and added various shiny parts and exterior mirrors and lights.

And oh have we bonded, that Jeep and I. I love driving that loud rattletrap. I guess it’s a middle age thing. It makes me feel carefree when I drive. It puts me back outdoors.

This year I have two exterior mirrors that I can attach to the door hinges that will allow me to be legal when I take the doors off. I also bought a bikini see thru top that will help a bit when it is very sunny and hot.

I also have bought another super fun accessory that will fit nicely on the roof rack. Last night I ordered a 10 foot Porta-Bote and a 5 HP outboard motor.

This little boat collapses to the size of a surf board and can be stored on my Jeep’s roof rack. I plan to make a wooden front or rear bumper to attach the outboard motor for transport.

I would never have believed this boat would work unless I had seen Michael and Terry’s in action down in St Croix. It was very seaworthy and very fun.

Now I wait for delivery and day dream about running around the backwaters, waterways and island hopping the various places we visit in our RV during the summer.

Boat Lust, but I Got to Meet with my Dad

Ever since I went out on the now famous Origami to Buck Island Adventure of 07, I have had boat lust in my heart.

Nothing fancy, just a little boat with a capable outboard motor that I could use to ride around in the intercoastal waterway and maybe take it to Jekyll Island to explore the tidal creeks.

When I was a child my father had a boat like I want. It was a 14 foot bare hull fiberglass boat with a 5HP Johnson Seahorse motor. I can still smell the exhaust in my mind.

We had many hours of fun with this boat in the back waters of Cherry Grove Beach, SC and Morehead City, NC.

Last night I dreamed we still had the boat and that my father and mother decided to give me the boat since it was in storage.

I then realized I was talking to my father who has been dead more than 25 years. I could barely keep my composure at seeing him.

I have this stupid dream rule that I cannot bring up the fact that a dead person is dead in a dream, or they will go away. So I had to act cool around my dad so he wouldn’t know I knew he was dead, and he could then stick around and chat.

Anyway, I got the boat and spent time with my dad. It was a good dream.

Women

I love women. I like them physically and intellectually. I like to be around women.

I have women friends in real life, blogger women friends in Internet life, heck I like women so much I married one.

Women are very different than us men though and that throws me off, but sets a challenge.

The International Space Station reminds me of a woman. It is beautiful, complicated, and I am not sure to this day how all the stuff works or what it does, but I like what I see.

Unplanned Man Weekend

It’s been a different unplanned weekend so far.

Friday, I took advantage of some fantastic weather to play golf with my friend Thomas. Later our wives joined us for supper.

During the meal Thomas mentioned that he was going to the Myrtle Beach gambling boat by himself in the morning and asked me if I want to come along. Gigi said sure, you’ll have fun.

I am not a gambler; it just doesn’t do anything for me. But I love the coast of NC, I like a boat ride and I like adventure.

At 7 AM Thomas picked me up and we headed down to Little River, SC at the border of North Carolina and South Carolina. The whole area is a throwback to the 1960’s.

The ride down is not direct. Even today you have to wind through rural settings and tiny one stop light towns. It took about three hour and 20 minutes and we arrived at the marina.

What they have here are floating casinos, really. It is illegal to have casinos in NC and SC, except for one in the Indian reservation in the NC Mountains. There are no dealers there in the mountains, only machines, no booze, and it is a long way from anywhere.

We bought our $10 ticket and watch what looked like Noah’s Arc load with rednecks and low country blacks.

When the cigarette stained boat was finally, loaded we slowly started down the chocolate colored waters of the intercostal waterway and little river. Soon we were in the ocean and 30 minutes later we were in international waters. The gambling began.

I mainly watched the tables, and some basketball in the sports book area. There were slot machines whirling everywhere and loud shouting at the craps table. I threw away 40 bucks in the slots while Thomas played craps.

Three hours later it all stopped when we entered US waters. Everyone laid down their cigarettes and headed to this cheesy buffet upstairs with some blanched looking chicken and an unimaginative salad with bread. A one man band played on stage some very bad lounge music.

When everyone finished the meal they all fired up another cigarette. Hundreds of cigarettes. The inside of the boat was stained yellow from the smoke.

Back on shore we dined on Hooters wings and quesadillas and beer while we watch games on TV.

A cheap hotel, some rest, and I am back home today having had a good man time and lots of laughs.

Flipper Failure

I was plagued with wardrobe, accessory, and flipper malfunctions last week.

First, my favorite sunglasses must have slipped on and off my big old head a few times too many. Mid week the right side of my sunglasses just broke in two exposing two big puffy blood shot eyes for the world to see.

Liv had warned me back in the summer that a good pair of sunglass would hide a multitude of sins and she was right.

Loosing my sunglasses was the equivalent to pulling the mask off of Darth Vader. I quickly ran out to the dive shop for a new pair.

Yesterday I took the broken sunglasses back to West Marine here in Charlotte and the lady replaced them. I bought a new pair of flip flops while I was there.

Even worse last week was downright flipper failure while I was 1/3 mile from shore.

I was headed offshore from the Sunset Grill just paddling along looking at the bottom. I typically use only my legs to glide this chiseled body through the water.

Michael had warned me several times that I should incorporate my upper body when swimming. I figured if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Well it broke.

Within 2 minutes both of my flippers tore away from my feet and I was left 1/3 of a mile off shore with regular human feet and hands to swim in to safety.

I got back okay but I was very tired from the exertion.

Again, off the dive shop for new flippers.

I don’t believe in….

I heard on the radio yesterday that some local candidate didn’t believe in gay marriage.

That bothers me, not the gay thing but the use of the word, believe. How can you not believe in something that is real?

He should use the term, I don’t like gay marriages, they disgust me, whatever, but the fact remains that gay people are getting married in some states and there is nothing to believe.

I don’t believe in Santa Claus is real, but I don’t believe in getting up early is just a joke, there is nothing to believe.

Speaking of real I’ll address another peeve.

I once saw a plastic fish swimming in a bowl at the checkout counter of some little rural diner.

A child asked me if that fish was real. I answered “yes”, but it’s not living, it’s mechanical. Of course it is real, you are looking at it.

Gender Translator…Please

I read as many blogs written by women as I do men. In fact, the female bloogers I read outnumber the male bloggers.

I seldom comment on many blogs I read because while I enjoy the read, their life style and blog content is so different from my life that my only comment would be that, “I am here and reading your blog.”

But what gets me about female blogs is how they can go from straight forward rational thoughts, and then suddenly belt out a post of pure unfiltered girl talk. Suddenly it’s like they are speaking a foreign language.

To further complicate the issue I then witness countless female comments that understood every nuance of what gobbledy goop they just wrote. WTF?

“Oh girlfriend, I am so sorry. Things will get better. Bla, bla, bla.” I have no ideas about what they just wrote and yet all these other women did.

What would be fantastic is if Google or someone offered a universal translator for blogs. It could translate language and gender.

The gender part would be the most important. I understand English but not always female English.

Heck, a gender translator would be helpful around the house too.

Suppose Gigi tells me something that makes no sense what so ever but I detect that it should make sense. Rather than scoffing it off and starting an unsuspecting argument, I could excuse myself in a caring and concerned way, type in her words to the gender translator, and come back with a suggested comforting answer.

Google, please give this some thought.

Ode to Vacation

Someone played a dirty trick,
And shrunk my britches, just a bit.

Two days ago I was carefree and riding in a Jeep,
Now I face my desk with papers, piled in a heap.

Oh I miss the sun, the flowers, and friends,
But I need to stay here a while though, and let my innards cleanse.

The fun we had riding in the back of the truck, the entire crew,
Roaming the hills together and looking at the ocean, all Tidy Bowl blue.

It is so necessary for my memories to abate,
It is now that I so desperately need so much to concentrate.

Island I love, I will see you again soon,
It is not my intent to visit, once in a blue moon.

How Do You Divide a Restaurant Bill?

Last week we traveled with 5 couples and found ourselves having to deal with paying the restaurant bill more than 5 times.

How do you deal with a restaurant bill in a large group?

Whoopty Damn Do!

Can we make it two?

My dear alba mata Appalachian State University opens with the defending National Champions LSU.

As you recall…App State has won their National Championship three years running and started the last season by defeating Michigan at the Big House.

A Final Few Photos For Now

Ain't Gigi purdy? I married up.

On the deck of the villa.

Sit down shut up! On the boardwalk in Christiansted. I watched the opening NFL game of the season back in September at that little bar in the background.

Judy and I at the web cam bench.

Lettering the boat "Origami".

I Am Not Dead

There has been too much going on in the last week to grasp in words. This trip will have to be digested over the next several weeks and carefully belched back at you.

We made it back safely home last night. There was a grand reunion with the dogs and the customary “peeing on the deck in excitement” by Haley.

Normally I have some quiet time in the morning in which I collect my thoughts to share on my blog and have time to read my favorite blogs. I didn’t have this quiet time luxury down on the last trip to the island since we were sharing a house with 4 other couples. So I decided to forgo blogging until I got back home.

This group we traveled with was one of the most compatible groups ever. We had fun and mutual respect for each other. I met some new friends and got reacquainted with some old friends.

I also found a new word that I love to say and rarely use. The term viscosity came up more than once when discussing blending biodiesel with Michael.

Michael and Terry were the perfect hosts for many events. Michael made sure that we were all well hydrated with local spirits on many occasions. They carved time from their workweek to show us why they love the island so much.

We got to see the improvements Michael and Terry have made to their home. In many ways their home reminds me of an island version of my house. There is a lot of love there and fuzzy dog and cat faces like my home. And damn it, Michael’s deck is now bigger than mine.

I admire Terry’s attitude for living. I learn more about her on each visit.

It is good to be home. I slept so good in my bed last night and my coffee with my sweet and low and canned milk is nirvana to me. I can’t do real sugar and half and half and not consider that roughing it.

Today I will rest, unpack and buy some groceries.

Day...I lost Count

I must say I have been missing reading all of my regular blogs since I have been on vacation.

Last night we all met at the wine club and sampled fantastic food and wine. Then we headed to another beachside restaurant for a friendly dinner.

Michael and Terry are so hospitable. Everywhere we go Michael has this mobile bar set up. They know lots of fun people and lots of fun things to do. I think I am wearing out my guests with all the activities.

Today we headed to the west end of the island and plopped out on the beach at the Sunset Grill. Michael brought his bar and we brought ours.

We then began to swim, lie out, and boat in M and T’s kayak.

We ate a leisurely lunch at the open café, and cracked open some coconuts to mix drinks.

Tonight we are headed to my favorite place in the hemisphere, Restaurant Bacchus. It’s two for one wine night and Gigi will be driving us home.

Day Two

Okay, okay…I’ve been busy.

We were late at the casino last night and then I had this appointment on the beach this morning. Yes, it was a massage appointment.

The water has been so choppy that it is impossible to snorkel. I know, a hardship but we will endure.

Day One

Good times on The Roseway.

There has been a Reggie Webcam sighting already this year.

And now the video....

We Made It!

Last night was a blur, no really.

We got into town just before sunset and were met by Michael and Terry at the airport. They kindly open a curbside bar for us.

We headed to the villa and we all celebrated our new home and the warm weather.

It’s funny; the locals down here are all wrapped up in long pants and jackets. With the wind chill it may have hit the low 70’s last night. I call it warm.

Much, much more is to follow. But for now enjoy this video from just outside my bedroom.

Wheels Up!

Tomorrow morning I’ll be flying out of Charlotte, NC.

One thing I like about flying to a small tropical airport is you get to disembark on the tarmac. No impersonal jet way tunnels, they push up a big old set of stairs to the plane. You have to wait too if another plane is using the one set of stairs.

As I walk out I then can pretend that I, President Hunnicutt and First Lady Gigi are standing at the top of the stairs waving at the adoring crowd gathered. Military guards stand at attention at the bottom of the stairs.

Upon descending the stairs I mentally become Pope Wreggie and fight the urge to actually kneel down and kiss the ground.

Then I become regular ol’ Reggie and follow the little stocky black woman to the luggage area.

It is so exciting to drive on the left hand side of the road. It’s kind of like walking around your backyard naked. It is fun and exhilarating but feels weird.

For those who want to watch may vacation along with me you might go to The Harbor Cam. I will definitely be there hanging out and calling back home. Plus I'll upload a few videos and lots of pictures.

Send your phone number via email and I'll call you from the cam.