Doilies Again....

Yesterday Peach Pod came by for supper and a stopover while she was traveling from WV to St Simons.

Peach Pod and her man Peach Pit gave me the loveliest assortment of doilies for my birthday. They are wonderful.

I don’t possess a gay bone in me but could understand the suspicion by the doily obsession. Plus I wear two bracelets on my right wrist. Maybe I should be tested for gayness.

I used a large doily this morning on a small serving tray I teefed from the Divi last week. It looked damn nice serving Gigi her coke in bed.

Summer is in Full Swing

Today is my oldest Border collie’s birthday. Peaches is 12 today and she started my love affair with this quirky herding breed of canine.

My birthday was yesterday.

Peaches and I plan to celebrate together quietly at home. We both requested grilled chicken and then the meal takes a doggie turn with pig ears and Alpo. I’ll have a salad and corn on the cob with my chicken.

Today I begin preparing for our annual mandatory vacation to Jekyll Island, GA.

Before you start judging and complaining, “What? Another vacation?” realize please that this is a normally scheduled vacation that has occurred every 4^th of July holiday since 1993.

The Rest of the Story.....

Damn…I got notice today that my $300,000 term life insurance policy is expiring.

It was 15 years ago when I bought this policy and I was denied life insurance because I had a badly inflamed liver.

It turned out that the medicine I was taking for epilepsy had by liver function and reading way off the chart. No one would insure me because I was going to be a dead man soon.

Well in a few shorts weeks I had the medicine changed and the issue was resolved. I didn’t die.

Realistically contemplating death at 36 changed my life.

At 36 I was a workaholic. I never took time off. I hated weekends and holidays because it kept me from the office.

I had been fired for insubordination just a year earlier so I had something to prove to myself.

But after the death scare I thought about my life thus far, I knew I was not ready or prepared to die. There was so much I wanted to see and do.

That year we took our first vacation as a married couple. I mean the first grown up not tagging along with the parents vacation. I rented a cottage at the beach and Gigi and I spent a week relaxing and playing.

Soon afterwards I bought a travel trailer so we could go about exploring the south. We would go out once a month to some new destination and we loved it. We visited about every coastal and mountain town within a 6 hour drive of Charlotte.

In 1997 we drove up to Maine and leisurely worked our way back down. We actually drove up I-95 on the way up. You could see New York skyline and Boscoe and Peaches saw the twin towers.

My work began involving air travel and I would take Gigi along. Soon we were exploring great cities like San Francisco, LA, San Diego, Santa Barbara, Phoenix, Chicago, New York, Washington, Albuquerque, and Dallas.

Then one day in early 2003 I took a trip with some other couples to St Croix and my love affair with the island began.

So now you know why I’m always mentally on vacation. Life is short. Go out and explore your world, meet friends and love each other.

Now let me see about replacing that policy……

I Hate When This Happens....

I hate this when it happens; just this morning I am damn near skipping into work, happy as a lark when I get just the slightest amount of my own slobber down the wrong pipe.

I started coughing uncontrollably like I was drowning, my eyes staring watering and bugging out over a tiny bit of well placed spit.

Folks started looking at me like I was coking on a ham sandwich while a waved to them that I was okay.

It’s embarrassing! It doesn’t happen often thank goodness.

Redneck Calamari

A Lucid Moment with Gigi…..

Me “Honey, I found my Coleman lantern. Now we can go on the water in the boat and watch fireworks on the 4^th from all directions.”

Gigi “Great, just what I want to do is get in that tiny boat, in the dark, and sit amongst sharks and alligators.”

Blue Bloods

I hate island snobs. I actually don’t hate them but they irritate me.

I go to a blue blood dentist in the blue blood side of town. It represents old Charlotte money, little sense of humor and membership to clubs I couldn’t afford or would never be invited to join. The only thing I have in common with these people maybe is the love of doilies and good wine.

The guy is a good dentist though so I keep going although I about dropped my teeth at the $180 bill today for a cleaning and x-rays.

Anyway a new woman was scrapping the old choppers and she asked if I had done any traveling this summer. I’m sure she was expecting me to go on about how poor the help is in the Hampton’s this time of year or how chilly is still is at Martha’s Vineyard.

“Well, as a matter of fact I just got back from St Croix.”

I felt smug in my expected acceptance of luxury leisure travel.

She looked at me like, poor thing.

She said, “Oh we always go to (some island I had never heard of). I went to St Croix….once….many years ago.”

You could tell she had rejected my island and she thought her island was superior.

Bitch, ho. Don’t like my fishes and friends? Hose bag.

Two Completely Unrelated Tings....

I have run into two cell phone zombies in just two days and they annoy the shit out of me.

I define a cell phone zombie as a person on a cell phone oblivious to others in the area that insists on pacing the floor while talking on the phone without regard to the positions of other bodies in the room.

So I’m in an elevator lobby yesterday and this guy is pacing and I have to dodge him twice. There ain’t going to be a third time because he has threatened my manhood sort of by heading into my space.

Now let me comment on gay marriage in CA. Good for states rights. I don’t give a crap what the law is; a state has the right in this case to make their own damn law without the oversight of the federal government. The same should be true for abortion. Let the state make the call like the constitution stipulates.

I will not argue the moral or ethical value of either law but from a constitutional perspective CA got it right even though a judge actually tilted the scales on this and reversed the law.

Small Details....

I found my old machete in the garage just a moment ago. The next time I have checked luggage to the island I’m taking it along so I will have my own coconut opener there. I have borrowed Michaels several times.

The machete I have is dirty, a bit rusty, the blade is dull, and the handle could use maybe a few wraps of tape to strengthen it. I can clean it, sharpen it, and have a very fit coconut opener of my own.

I forget just how hot it gets here in the summer. I just finished some simple chores in the yard and I am wringing wet.

Wring is another stupid word with a silent “w” like wrench, wrangler and Wreggie.

I wish I knew someone named Ned or Nate and I would encourage them to put a “g” in front of their name like gnat.

I reserved the URL www.wreggie.com and might just make it my blog URL.

I am driving less with the fuel prices being what they are. I need some chain for my anchor. Normally I would hop in the Jeep and drive to Home Depot to get it. But I’ll pass HD on the way to work in the morning so I’ll wait until then and save $5 in fuel.

I never really knew why boaters recommended a chain on an anchor until I could see the effects first hand in the clear waters around Buck Island. So I am getting a chain and learning how to tie a proper knot so I can keep the next anchor.

I have suddenly gone from being very active on vacation to moderately active at best. I miss all the fun exercise.

Last week we were about to board a small boat and I decided to walk/swim down to the end of the pier where it is waist deep to pee. Terry noticed and announced loudly in the direction of the yacht club, “Everybody! Reggie is peeing at the end of the pier!”

There is a dingy at the waterfront in Christiansted that is always there and always makes me laugh. On the back of the boat it says, “Sit Down Shut Up.”

I ordered vinyl letters this morning saying the same thing for the back of my little boat.

Kinda Neat and Strange...What Are The Odds...

I went scuba diving last week. To me, snorkeling is just about as good for reef watching and scuba is a whole lot more trouble and risky.

I wanted to give my 11 year old nephew the experience of scuba diving so we both signed up for the discovery scuba dive. Basically they instruct you, make you prove you can do a few “what if this goes wrong” operations like, what if your mouthpiece falling out 40 feet under water.

The instructor then told us about a few plants to stay away from and we were off on our adventure.

After 30 minutes or so I got distracted watching some cool features/creatures on a reef when something grabbed me violently from behind and started shaking me. I turned around and my instructor was motioning me to move away from my position and he pointed to one of the forbidden stinging creatures that I was now wallowing on.

I did feel a stinging on my right elbow but figured it was a scratch. Oh well.

Some where in that shaking and escape from the stinging creature I managed to loose the disposable underwater camera that I had in my left pocket. So somewhere at Cane Bay, 30 feet under water was a lost camera.

The next day we were hiking to the tidal pools a mile or so down from Cane Bay when Michael reached down in the pool and said, “Look, someone lost their camera.”

It was our camera that I lost the day before under water a mile away and it had somehow ended up where we were going the next day.

Queue the Twilight Zone music…..

To Each His Own When It Comes to Current Events

I keep up with current events probably to a fault. I need news, sports and weather up to the minute. Hell, I’m looking at a radar right now following afternoon thunder storms.

On this last trip to St Croix I was really unplugged for most of the week. Normally I don’t like this, but this time was different.

I forgot about the Presidential race and all the mud slinging and politics. I was immune from all the bad weather in the states, what could I do about the weather anyway? The financial markets…who cares, and it doesn’t matter. Diesel at $4.80…who cares. Did the Carolina Panthers trade anyone? All the local murders, traffic congestion, code orange pollution alerts, and local politics were 1800 miles away.

My nephew had taken over the only TV for video games so we didn’t even watch a minute of TV.

Broad band or dial up was non existent where I was. I checked my email once. The world kept turning without me.

I dropped my cell phone in the water. No worries, I didn’t really need to talk to anyone unless I was standing in front of them.

I couldn’t listen to my regular Charlotte News and Talk radio station.

I was completely and totally disconnected from all of my regular news sources that concerned me.

What is ironic is many island folks brag about their isolation and their insulation to the stress and worries in the states. They pretend to live in a blissful world unaffected by current events and sometimes even hold out our worldly worries as silly.

I have become keenly aware however that news related stress is necessary wherever you live.

Down on the island the passionate talk is of WAPA (Water and Power Authority), the development of land for casinos, the corruption in local government, crime, pollution, etc. All of the local island news is discussed with the same passion and concerns of my local, national news, and financial news.

The news topics in St Croix are different but the stress is the same, maybe more. So does current event stress need to be generated for the human spirit no matter where you live? Even on a tropical island?

I am back home now and the worries of the island are back on the island.

Let me open my paper… CONCORD -- Police were continuing the search Friday night for a man who fatally shot two people at the Sun Drop Bottling Co. in Concord in what may have been a botched robbery. Hey…that is just down the road from me.

Howto Video from Wreggie

Coconut water mixes well with gin. Recipe:

Cut open coconut. Pour in gin. Insert straw and enjoy!

I Am Home…For True

Once again a great vacation goes down in the record books for my favorite Caribbean island of St Croix.

I did more hiking and snorkeling than ever this time. I had my first visits to the isolated beaches and fantastic snorkeling of Isaac’s Bay and Jack’s Bay. It is a hilly hike through the dessert to some of the beast beaches on earth. For as far as you can see there are no people or buildings.

Then I took a forested hike to the tidal pools near Carembola. The terrain could have passed for any hike in the mountains of North Carolina. Once there, we swam in the natural pools, had a picnic, and sipped rum together. Again, thanks to my wonderful friends and hosts/tour friends….I run out of adjectives, Michael and Terry.

Tree times I ate at the Pickled Greek mon. I love what Peter has done and food and atmosphere he has created all with close friends and family nearby helping out. Love you Nikki and Peter.

I enjoyed the company of my 11 year old nephew and his enthusiasm for the island. I taught him to snorkel, respect for the island, talked about the limited recourses of power and water, and taught him to care for the reefs and beaches. Several times he called me down on my own rules. Turn off the AC Uncle Reggie if you aren’t in the room, we need to save electricity.

Overall, it was one of the best trips ever. Give St Croix a visit in June. It is not crowded, the weather is in the 80’s, the water is crystal clear, and the people and food are fantastic.

Now for a few photos…

Richard on the board walk. I see Richard every trip. He is an excellent percussionist and nice guy who lives on the street. I give him a few dollars and talk to him at every opportunity. He said, “All this is yours man, enjoy.”

Gigi and Peach Pod sharing a laugh.

This is our villa from the beach.

This is me early one morning negotiating with fishermen for dibs on some lobster.

At the Montpellier Domino Club and Jungle Bar, Home of the world famous beer drinking pigs. This is a tourist spot that I have avoided, but now had an excuse to visit with my nephew.

This is a wonder woman we shared the flight down with. She is from Haiti.

Getting ready to board for Buck Island.

This is the boat moored just off our shore that several fishermen used daily.

Shopping in the market for sugar cane….like I needed sugar cane for some reason.

Playing ball at Buck Island with Troubles and Sailer. The water is so blue and clear that it looks fake.

Standing around trying to make a decision.

Cutting up with Gigi.

We Made It

Hello from St Croix!

Let me work from now back as the memories surface.

I am sitting by a huge bar separating the kitchen from passive living space that leads out to a big veranda that is but maybe 30 yards from the ocean.

Right now both of my ankles are slightly sprained from many hours of snorkeling. Behind me my cell phone will recover from being dropped in the ocean but it may not be the phone I once knew.

Yesterday at Buck Island, Monkey Boy, Michael and I were snorkeling when we immediately came up on a sizable nurse shark lying on the floor and just a few yards away a much larger shark was spotted of unknown type. We couldn’t see his head so it was difficult to identify.

Then I heard Michael lecturing Monkey Boy about how animals could sense fear and I sensed that something worse was in the water. Sure enough a big shark was circling nearby and a barracuda was watching us. All ended well.

The day before we snorkeled Jacks and Isaac’s Bay accessible only by foot over bramble covered hills. Not a soul or house was in sight except for the four of us.

The first day we snorkeled off the east reef ridge from Buck Island. We saw a ray about the size of a king size mattress. The ray passed below me. I looked up to see Monkey Boy flailing toward the boat and he drove over the side like a trick dolphin. He was sure the ray had it in for him.

I can’t seem to put on and reapply enough sun screen in this place. I swam with a shirt yesterday to protect my skin.

For Tomorrow, I Shall be in Paradise

No I’m not dying. At 6:09 AM I fly out of here to St Croix for a week.

Have you noticed I haven’t been blubbering daily about my excitement and anticipation?

I am damn excited. I think maybe I may, or will try a relaxing vacation.

I may not post my blog…okay, I’m feeling stress about not posting but I may give myself a bit of a sabbatical. That’s fancy talk preachers and professors use to say they may just be out of touch for a while.

I plan to spend some time on the beach with my best friend Gigi, do some research into the causes of sea glass, drink some beer with lime, and snorkel until I can’t walk.

By next Thursday I expect to have had many belly laughs, good meals with good friends, too much sun, and most likely bloated ankles.

I love my leisure and I love this island and my friends there and friends yet to be discovered there.

You guys have a wonderful weekend and week on the mainland. I’m going to be a middle aged island boy for a while.

This Doesn't Sound Right

A friend mentioned at lunch that the democrats had managed to turn back the hands of time and reintroduce Jim Crow laws in Florida and Michigan where a man or woman is only a half person, and so their vote only counts 50% of my vote.

I guess being a half person is better than being a no person and your vote counts zero.

Why is it always Florida involved in the inability to get voting correct?

Oh, I about forgot. I heard on the local TV WSOC this morning that a lot of folks are running out of gas because they are not filling their tanks anymore. They said, “Experts say to fill your tank when it gets down to ¼ of a tank.”

We have gas tank experts out there? Where are they and how much do they make and who pays them?

Field of Dreams

For most of last night I kept dreaming I was playing softball on the most beautiful field overlooking some cliffs that dropped off to the ocean.

The weather was perfect, the women were beautiful and yes, all the guys looked like models. What I was doing out there is anyone’s guess.

I never play softball, I never did play softball unless forced to play in school. A spherical ball that isn’t very soft hurling at me at incalculable speeds forcing me to react quickly (stressful) to avoid a collision (forget about catching it) is not my idea of fun.

Last night I was playing short stop. I counted five line drives directly at me and all five times I caught the ball bare handed.

Basketball in real life was very similar for me except the ball was bigger and softer. I remember quite a few times someone going to the basket and seeing me open (who would bother to guard me) and at the last minute they would dump off the ball to me only for the ball to hit me in the forehead or chest as it went out of bounds.

Finesse is not an attribute of mine.

Football was my game until I stopped growing vertical somewhere around 12 or 13. A lineman can only go so far in football at 5’ 7’ish, give or take a half.

Anyhow I woke up all refreshed at my accomplishments from last night. Does that count as my workout today?

Peanut Rehab

I have been in roasted salted peanuts in the shell rehab for about 8 weeks now. I feel like I have made a lot of headway.

I love Hampton’s salted in the shell roasted peanuts the best. They are the single malt of peanuts, a force to be reckoned with.

Yesterday I almost fell off the wagon. I was at Lowe's Foods and they always have a Hampton’s display as big a VW Beetle. I had made up my mind that I would buy a small bag to reward myself.

I went to the display and it was empty except some unsalted peanuts. Whew, dodged a bullet.

This morning Gigi said, “You know what? I’ll bet Michael would like those peanuts you like, we ought to take a bag.”

Get thee behind me Satin! Gigi hasn’t noticed I’m not up to my ankles in peanut shell the last few months.

I’m getting weak! I can feel a relapse!

Code Red....Severe Vacation Alert!

Today we went to a Severe Vacation Alert meaning vacation is imminent or the threat of vacation is unavoidable.

The following actions are taken during a Severe Vacation Alert:

Announce Threat Condition SEVERE and explain expected actions.

Deploy suitcases based on threat assessments. Find the passports in case of an emergency land in the BVI.

Find some money to spend preferably big wads of folding money.

Cut the grass at the optimal time to assure the house doesn’t look haunted when I get back.

Tell a few trusted neighbors you are leaving and tell them you have a house sitter.

Activate Operations Center on the PC and pay all bills.

Maintain close contact with my best clients and tell them I am taking a well deserved vacation “out of the country”.

Be prepared to implement mutual aid agreements with other neighbors and if you need help while out of town. The classic thunderstorm and a fallen tree can wreak havoc 2,000 miles away.

Stockpile dog food, hay and horse grain and fill the stalls with shavings.

Check the well filters.

Act like we actually live civilized and vacuum very well and clean the bathrooms.

Get back waxed and trim nose hairs.

Try and figure out what I can do for a four hour layover in Miami that doesn’t involve spending a lot of money or drinking…..

Hurricane Season

Hurricane season is about upon us and now that I have interests on the coast I’ll pay more attention than usual to the paths of storms.

My concern is for my RV just inland from the mouth of the Cape Fear River. I figure any thing less that a cat 1 i.e. tropical depression won’t alert me to move the RV.

A few years back three storms came on shore at or very near the Cape Fear. I remember the Steeple blowing off the Baptist church at least twice in one year.

So, for now it’s finally warm and humid…Wreggie weather. I need to plop on a rock and soak up the sun like an old snake.

Good Try Enterprise Car Rental

Dear Michelle,

I am in receipt of your letter dated May 15, 2008.

I dispute your claim that I am responsible for damage to your car VIN 5NPEU46F37H272813 for your file number DX53H4298.

Your premise of my responsibility and charge of my liability is incorrect, unfounded, and without any supporting documents or evidence of your claims.

Normally by now I would have written a complaint letter to your firm describing the utter filth of this vehicle as it was presented to me along with a 1/4 tank of gas, but it was the only car on the lot so I felt I had to take it. Never have I rented a car as unprepared as this one. The car was badly soiled in the interior, the car smelled badly like stale cigarettes, there were countless burn holes in the front seat, and literally there was tobacco spit in the center console. But this letter is about a matter of responsibility and liability so we’ll deal with the complaint another time.

Please allow me to tell you what happened as I witnessed at your Southport, NC location of Enterprise.

I rented a car from your company in Southport, NC so that my wife would have a vehicle to drive if she needed to go somewhere while I was out of town. It turns out most of her 18 miles driven over three days were to and from you rental car location. The rest of the time the car sat in the driveway.

I was there in person at the Enterprise location in Southport when your Enterprise employee April C. Evans did a vehicle inspection both before and after the rental of your car to me. Not once did April C. Evans see and record the crack on the odometer cover in question, either before I took delivery of the car, or after I dropped off the car.

Keep in mind that both times April C. Evans inspected the car for damage and mileage used; she had to look directly through the cracked lens in question to read and record the mileage. She recorded the mileage accurately twice while looking through the cracked lens, however at no time did April C. Evans notice and record the crack on the odometer lens.

Are we clear on this fact?

The enclosed photo shows the affected area and the small crack on the odometer cover is easy to miss when your line of focus is on the mileage and not the crack. I can see how April C. Evans missed the crack twice. It is difficult to see.

Only after April C. Evans completed her final inspection and we were free of liability and responsibility and April C. Evans was headed back to her Enterprise office did my wife bring the crack in the odometer cover to her attention.

After April C. Evans became aware of the crack, April C. Evans’s logic was that we had to have caused the crack since she would have seen it on an inspection. The fact is, she never saw the crack after two inspections. The checkout receipt proves it.

Please compare the time stamp of the receipt with the time stamp of the accident report. The claim of accident was filed after I returned the car to Enterprise in good order, and after the final inspection and my receipt was in hand.

I observed that April C. Evans was clearly concerned about her personal liability from Enterprise and she stated so to us. She wrote the accident report as she said she was required to do so and told me someone from corporate would call me in a few days to go over this incident report. No one ever contacted me to discuss the issue.

So the fact is that the crack is and was there, and we didn’t cause the crack nor did any of your employees notice the crack during our rental period. When the crack was pointed out after we had concluded our business with Enterprise and Enterprise had delivery of the car in good order according to the final inspection.

You are contractually bound at this point and I am not, and the car is no longer mine nor am I responsible for any defect or damage that was not apparent during two inspections by your employee who was trained to make such inspections, after the car is returned and inspected in good order.

My wife’s intent was merely to point out a defect that April C. Evans had missed out of a courtesy to her, and to your company so she could take note before the next renter took the car.

At this point my wife and I were free to go, April C. Evans had her keys to the rental car, the final inspection was complete, and I had my receipt.

However, April C. Evans went into a near panic over hearing the discovery of this cracked lens and April C. Evans insisted she write an accident report to cover her liability to Enterprise.

I did not realize that April C. Evans would attempt to shift her inspection oversight into my liability by writing up this report or I would have left with my receipt. April C. Evans was clearly distressed so I stayed as she requested.

The crack on the lens that you file as an accident is considered normal wear and tear and clearly falls in the bounds of normal wear and tear. There is not an insurance company in America that will cover normal wear and tear so surely I’m not going to cover that risk nor will my insurance company Allstate cover the risk of something I didn’t cause.

The loss of use you charged me was at the option of Enterprise and was your risk. I assume no risk in your refusal to rent your unit. You are in the business of renting cars so I would suggest you rent the unit. The unit was completely rentable at the time of my drop off.

I at no time have had anyone at Enterprise under my employment and will not and cannot pay any administrative fees unless they are under my employment and have been properly cleared as an employee and have the authority of my corporation to pay such employee. To do so would violate federal securities laws.

And finally the diminishment of value needs to be reported to your internal auditing for federal income tax purposes. This is not a matter that I should be concerned with.

If you intend to pursue this further I will need to be notified in writing via certified mail within 30 days of receipt of this notice, otherwise I will consider this issue closed.

I have extensive travel plans this summer and cannot be assured I will be able receive any response letter from you so or to respond in a timely manner therefore I will need to personally sign for any letter you may send in the future.

I am not responsible for your loss. I owe no debt to you.

Any documents I obtain from Enterprise or any third party will be used to take legal action against you if such action becomes necessary.

Sincerely,

Wreggie

I Married the Dremel Expert

This time when I go to St Croix I will be leaving on a Thursday. Usually I go on a Saturday.

What is so nice about traveling on Thursday is when I wake up Friday morning it will be Goat Water Friday at Smokies! Yes my favorite freshly cooked goat stew along with smoked herring and rice will only be hours away. Throw a johnnie cake in and you have a hearty meal, my favorite Cruzan meal.

One big problem however is our flight out of Charlotte leaves at the ungodly time of 6 AM. I haven’t even figured out what time to get up, pee and crap the dogs, and let out the horses, take a shower and drive 20 plus miles to the airport. I get nauseous just thinking about moving around that early.

Tomorrow I get the fur on my back taken care of so I can glide through the water as I traverse the reefs around the island.

Michael mentioned that he was looking for a Dremel and that the ones he saw in local hardware stores seemed a bit pricey.

I told him that I was married to a Dremel expert and I would get Gigi on the case for a good low cost and dependable Dremel and bring it down to the island when I come down next week.

Yes, Gigi owns at least three Dremels that she will admit to, and I think she may have more. She loves Dremels but never uses one. Each one is neatly packed up in the original box. She lovingly took an older unused Dremel last night and showed it to me, then neatly packed it back up.

Last year I used one of her Dremels when I had to cut the conch shell to make a horn. She got satisfaction at the use of the tool and noted that she knew one day I would need a Dremel.

Back to the Salt Mines for a Few Weeks

You ever notice how folks that drink Blue Moon beer think they are a bit more sophisticated than us national brand drinkers?

I think they think the label is cool and they look cool with the orange slice.

Personally the beer is so mild that I’m not sure if a hop ever visited the brewery. I play along though when anyone whoops out a Blue Moon.

I forgot my camera and left it in the RV back in Southport. Damn. Plus I left a loaf of bread in the cabinet. I wonder what color that bread will be when I see it again. I’ll take a picture of it.

I’m trying to figure when I can go back and I’m afraid it will be late June. Man that bread will be funkeee!

And finally I have gone to Code Yellow this morning on the Wreggie Security color-coded Advisory System when travel to St Croix is likely in the next few weeks. Please watch for updates and stay alert.

Yellow Boy

Well, I made it back safe from Southport having done all the chores I had listed. I even fixed the pop rivet on the boat; that was a piece of cake.

This is my last trip down to Southport until I go to St Croix so I brought back my coveted beer bottle opener bling. My friend borrowed it yesterday to drink his cooler of Blue Moons and Coronas. He was visited by the one and only Cooter Brown and blames my bling for having magic drunkard powers. Now he wants me to make him one.

Also, I about forgot, I decided to take Yellow Boy out of retirement for on last whirlwind tour of the island. These yellow swim trunks have shown up in far too many pictures so I abruptly retired them from service last September.

Well I’ve miss Yellow Boy and grabbed the trunks before I left the island.

I’ve gotta go and take Cedie for a Jeep Ride. What a beautiful day it is here in Midland.

Worms and Coffee

This is a different little village Southport is and it comes with its own set characters.

Yesterday I met a young man who was in the last throws of freedom before he headed off to sea for a few years. He was a merchant marine getting ready to board a ship from Sunny Point, loaded with munitions and was headed to the Indian Ocean.

I forget that the nation’s largest munitions port is a few miles up the road. Just about every weapon we possess passes down the Cape Fear River to foreign lands so we can blow then up at a moments notice.

Oh and there is the Brunswick Nuclear Plant just up the road. They have a reputation for safety violations, at least early on. Nobody complains anymore about nuclear power so long as their toaster keeps working.

I talked to an older man yesterday and he used a local landmark in conversation like anyone who would refer to the post office and the town elementary school as a point of reference.

“You go up 211 and just beyond Worm and Coffee you go left.”

Yes, I know exactly where he was talking about because he invoked the famous Worms and Coffee landmark. It’s a gas station up the road that sells bait, coffee, gas and other convenience items.

In Nautical News....

I bought a casting net this morning after seeing several people pulling up shrimp at low tide. The limit here is 100 per person per day in the inland waters. Me, Gigi, Cedie, that’s 300 shrimp.

I realize that casting a net properly is an acquired talent. I watched a few YouTube videos last week and decide to spring for one today. The guy in the store even took me to the parking lot to demo his style. He used his teeth along with both arms and hands.

He told me if I cast the net on a bull shark then expect a ride since the net rope is wrapped around your arm.

When I got out to the truck this little boy about 10 asked me to roll down my window. He said, “Mister, that net ain’t easy to throw. You need to practice a lot. I started with a 6 foot net and I’m up to a 12 net.”

I smiled and thanked him.

Now the net is wadded up in my floorboard awaiting the first Origami II excursion down here.

Speaking of Origami, I borrowed a pop rivet gun big enough to fix the broken rivet. She’s back and ready for action.

And yesterday I was cruising around in my Jeep "Shore Patrol" when I ran across the real deal Marine Patrol. I thought maybe I was in trouble but the guy ignored me.

Chicken Wings and Rednecks

Supper (remember, it was the last supper, not the last dinner) last night was essential man food of beer and wings.

There is a little redneck place across from me that is a wing joint and bar packed with the most colorful rednecks.

Rednecks are truly a different race of white people.

I sat at the bar while the guy beside me ate a pound of crab legs, a cheese burger, a baked potato and some peel and eat shrimp. It was so much food that he had to take a bathroom break.

A lovely young woman across the bar in a sun dress and a barbed wire tattoo around her upper arm was so drunk that she kept falling asleep while sitting up. Her head would nod and she would wake up, talk, take a sip of wine and doze off.

I ordered some medium hot wings and some Caribbean style wings. I have been to the Caribbean many times and I still don’t know what Caribbean chicken is all about or how it differentiates itself from North American chicken. Hell, I ate wings in the Caribbean at the last Super Bowl and got sick. My gullet seized up for some reason and I had to walk away and gag on the beach.

When I order wings I play along and get blue cheese dressing with my celery. What the hell is celery doing in this picture? Why not apple slices?

Celery in my book does not pair well with spicy wings. Same for mint jelly and lamb, “No thank you, I’ll take peach preserves with my steak.”

Oh, how about a big old glass of milk with your water melon?

Some Good News

I put my ramp in place today and it works better than I expected and it didn’t install as I expected. It’s difficult to custom build something 200 miles away from memory but it works just fine.

Best of all the ramp will break down in three sections at about 45 lbs each for moving.

Even better news is my sewer valve repair wasn’t as severe as feared. I ordered two new extension rods today that I can screw on the next trip down.

Finally the ultimate in ruintness…..this is on the door of my RV.

So We Meet Again….

I didn’t sleep all that great last night. Lying in bed I was trying to determine whether the sun was coming up or was I seeing a street light?

I stumbled into the living room darkness to see if the clock was on from the last visit when my foot landed squarely on something very slick and cold.

No please…..not my nemesis Mr. Dog Shit…please no.

I flicked on the light and sure enough shit had visited me in the night….and it had attacked me personally. It was well embedded in my foot.

This was not time for panic because I was on my own. No Gigi to say, “I’ll take care of it honey.”

I subdued my olfactory senses and began cleaning while a guilty dog tried to apologize.

In the back of my mind I remembered what Michael had said, “See, shit is unavoidable. You thought you had shit licked with the narrow gull escape, but shit had bigger plans for you.”

Soon I Too Will Be Cool

Haley and I made it to Southport this evening. It was time for both of us to have supper.

I fed Haley and headed out to the Yacht Basin Provision Company.

Eating at the Yacht Basin seems like the fun cool thing to do. The food was good, the service was good, but for a newbie it took a while to catch on.

When you walk in you are standing in the kitchen with people screaming at each other. There is a line to pay, and a line to order, but no visible menu. I looked behind me and found a chalkboard menu.

It was my turn and I ordered the crab cake burger and some fries with a beer. She asked my name told me to walk to the cooler and get my beer and have a seat outside and they would find me.

Sure enough, in a few minutes I could see my order and the waitress was looking for some black guy named Reggie. She finally called my name when she realized the crowd was all white.

The food was good but the system was confusing. I didn’t quiet know how to go about getting a second beer so I left.

Maybe soon I’ll get the hang of the place and be a cool person too.

Animals

Oh my…Peaches has the perfect storm of dog gas this morning. I actually think she is proud. Oh my…somebody open a window.

This afternoon I roll down to the coast with Haley and the Jeep in tow. I am planning to put up the dog ramp I built last week, repair the sewer valve and other odds and ends.

This morning I got five bales of fresh cut hay from our local supplier. The horses literally drooled when I unloaded it.

Did you see the storey about the lost parrot that told the vet his address? How smart is that bird?

My partner at work has a salt water aquarium and added a shrimp a few weeks ago. That little shrimp has the best personality. He thinks he owns that tank.

It makes me feel a bit guilty for all the shrimp I’ve eaten….I’ll get over it though.

Howdy

I ate lunch today with someone who is not a pizza crust eater, this is a shame. It’s like blowing the foam off a beer.

In case you think I have been just sitting around breathing through my mouth the past few days, well, you are wrong. I have been busy rebuilding my sister’s web site to showcase her art. Take a look at www.judyfowler.com.

A few weeks back we rented a car down in Southport from Enterprise. We turned in the car and were about to leave when Gigi pointed out a crack in the speedometer. I got a bill today for $1,100 for a ¼ inch crack that I didn’t make.

She was just trying to be nice.

My DFF

What’s kinda old, fat, grumpy, bossy as hell, and she stinks a little but I love her more than ever?

Careful now….

Yep, my DFF (dog friend forever) Peaches.

Peaches is getting a little unsure on her feet. Last year I built her some steps for the RV to trim down the angle and effort. This year I have built her a ramp to further assist her going vertical 36 inches.

The ramp is truly an engineering marvel conceived in my brilliant mind.

It breaks down in three sections for moving and storage.

I have it packed in the truck awaiting my Southport trip later in the week.

New Rules

Check Point Chicky

Yesterday I had a birds eye view from my office window of the entire hubbub from the parking deck collapse.

What made me laugh continuously was the posturing of the Charlotte Police Department and the Charlotte Fire department.

The facts: At 8:20 AM a concrete slab fastener failed in our parking deck causing a pancake effect on two floors. No one was injured.

For the rest of the day I watched 5 fire trucks and countless Medic trucks come and go while a big chunk of the Adam district sat around the yellow tape keeping idiots from going back to their car for whatever reason.

A helicopter hovered overhead until early afternoon and all four local TV stations showed dynamic footage of concrete.

Now get this, sometime during the day the city slipped in a bus labeled CMPD Mobile Command Center.

Much ado about nothing, old shit and buildings break people. The people that built the deck were a compilation of the lowest bidders assembled by Joe Sixpack. Fix it and move on.

Move along, nothing here people……

A Strange Day Indeed....

I switched political parties today. Until today I had been registered with the same party since I was 18.

It feels a bit funny…I am now unaffiliated.

I had hives today. This is maybe the third time in my life that I have been afflicted with hives.

I woke up itching on my sides. My upper arms itched too. By noon I could see red spots popping out on my wrists. (I had a long sleeve shirt on)

Under my clothes I was writhing with itch.

When I got home I undressed and saw I had darn near a breakout from my knees to the back of my head.

This reminded me of once back in my college days I got a sudden jock itch from my knees to my nipples. It was like a California wildfire. In a couple of days I was horrible looking. A visit to the doctor in a box fixed that. He said it was the worst case he had ever seen.

I took an over the counter allergy tab and I am doing better tonight.

Daring Repair Mission Update

I’ve been planning my daring repair mission to Southport for days and have come to the conclusion that I will attempt to fix the rod on the black water valve. I think I have enough exposed rod and room to splint the broken ends together. This is assuming that I can find a pipe clamp small enough to bond the two.

Then maybe coat the rod connection with epoxy.

Otherwise, I am told that I must replace the valve itself which would involve shit. I’ve paid my shit dues (see previous post) and I would have to remove the underbelly cover, working in tight quarters.

Now I need to get a pop rivet gun to pop one damn rivet on the boat.

Then I need to figure out why the ceiling fan stopped working on the RV.

And finally build a dog ramp.

My buddie that was going to help me is unable to go now so I’ll do it alone. Man I am so non mechanical. Anyone care to join me over Memorial Day weekend? Bring your tools.

Top of the Mornin’

Gigi is coming home today and I am looking forward to that.

I made my weekly stop this morning at McDonalds for an Egg McMuffin at the dangerous neighborhood where everyone gets shot.

The microphone on the drive thru was so loud my hair blew back.

I drove to the pay window and there sat a young black man with a very scarred up face like someone had cut him several times with a knife. I wondered if he had evolved a defense mechanism having lived his life in this neighborhood, you know, like a flounder changes colors to protect himself.

I told him the speaker was so loud that the deaf could feel vibrations a block away. He smiled then got serious.

I drove to the next window and told the girl I could barely hear the speaker and she might want to turn it up a bit. I wonder if she did turn up the volume.

I picked up my EM and drove on.

Did I mention our parking deck collapsed at our new office this morning 20 minutes before I arrived? Didn’t think so. I guess it wasn’t my time.

I don’t know now if anyone is trapped but early reports sounded good like no one was even injured.

I Need Help Please...Please

I have a man issue that I need some help with. Ladies, please don’t turn away, you can help me by asking your husband.

I know what a rivet is. That is it. That is all I know about rivets.

My little boat is made of 72 different sized rivets, I know, I called.

One of my rivets that holds on the foam around the top of my boat failed while I was in Hilton Head, SC.

I called Porta-Bot and talked to the man himself, Sandy. He said it was rare to see that rivet fail and he would gladly send me a replacement rivet just for that particular application.

I got the rivet today and don’t know what the hell to do now. How do I extract the old one? How do I install the new one? I only have one rivet so I can’t practice.

Please gentlemen, share with me the secrets of rivets. I am clueless.

Back to the Salt Mines

And so concludes our first commute to our coastal home of Southport, NC. Actually Gigi is still there. She will come home on Tuesday. She has been on the coast in the RV approaching two weeks.

As you recall, I towed the Jeep behind my truck last Friday. Haley and I drove the Jeep back last night.

I woke up this morning with 4 days of beard growth, a tan face and a good attitude about Monday.

Now I am planning a daring repair mission over Memorial Weekend to repair the sewer valve and to build a ramp for my dogs.

Before you conclude my dogs are a sorry lot remember that Cedie only has three legs, Duke has full use of three legs, Peaches is old and heavy and looses her balance.

Haley is the only dog that can still defy gravity and float most anywhere she pleases.

I never did get a chance to get the boat in the water since we had visitors the only day possible.

We found some good places to eat and hang out on the water front down at the yacht basin. Several have boat slips for guests so I’ll be there by boat next time.

Oh, one last thing. I bought a new and bigger anchor as Micky T suggested.

Historinas Will Call This The Great Feces Crisis of ‘08

Yesterday was the best of times….and it was the worst of times.

Good stuff first. My sister called early and she and Al decided to come up for lunch and to visit at our new place. Etta lives just below Myrtle Beach in the town of Surfside, SC.

The weather here was perfect, warm 82ist, light breeze and puffy clouds.

I stripped down the Jeep bare naked doors and all. Etta and Al arrived and we went for a cruise down to the shore line of Cape Fear. It was wonderful, perfect weather, good friends and a fun ride watching everyone have fun.

Meanwhile….back at the RV the K9’s chitlins were percolating.

We at lunch at an outdoor café and had a special with cucumber salad, boiled shrimp, fries and hush puppies. It was fresh and fantastic. The service was awesome.

We were warned by the waiter not even to make any gesture of giving food to the gulls or we would be swarmed in seconds and covered in gull crap instantaneously. A crap storm was avoided.

We browsed some shops where I found this cool as can be crab claw butane lighter. I don’t smoke but could resist this neat lighter. I first thought I would give it to my cigar smoking brother in law Tom, but I may keep it for myself in the RV to light candles.

We decided to come back to the RV mid afternoon to let out the dogs. We were greeted as we opened the doors to what only can be described at a shit tsunami.

I’m not sure what set it off but all four dogs had the runs. The air was thick with the stench as I screamed at all four to go outside. They looked like sick kids. All four were crimped up with the butt heaves doing the dribble walk. It was nightmarish...like some zombie movie.

Thank God I have a sweet woman that went in and cleaned all that stuff up. She used the new magic pet scent remover and the place looked a good as new.

I am incapable of doing what she did. I would have simple put up a for sale sign and deeply discounted the RV and driven home. You see, if I did what she did I would have to contend with cleaning up vomit as well.

Later I decide to make some preparations for leaving Sunday. I went over to purge the black water tank (sewage). I pulled the stick that release the valve and decide to pull out my golf clubs to take back home. As I pulled the clubs I snapped the shit valve on the RV. Now I’ve got a potential 75 gallon shit problem.

I managed to finish emptying the tank and carefully pushed the valve back in place. Whew! I’m okay for now but this shit valve will have to be fixed on the next trip down.

Oh joy!

Reporting for Duty

To the left: Duke, aka Doomsday, aka Bad to the Bone, enjoys a ride on Oak Island, NC.

Friday was the day I had fanaticized over all winter. I got up early, fed the horses, hooked the Jeep to the Pickup and headed down to my waiting wife and RV in Southport. I was there by 10 AM.

I had planned a day on the water based on an early week forecast but their was small craft warnings out so I decided on Plan B. Heck, it was very rough with seas 10 to 14 feet.

Plan B was to take the top off the Jeep and go cruising, ah I mean Shore Patrol with the dogs.

Each dog got their turn and finally we piled all four in the Jeep along with Gigi in the back and took a ride around Southport. It was all very fun.

Today I hope to get in the water. There have been Atlantic White Whale sightings off the coast. I would love to see on of those babies but I’m afraid they are too far out for my vessel.

Besides, I plan to stay inshore in the waterways.

It Stinks

It got warm and humid here today. How come bad smells smell worse when it is humid?

The world smells like cat pee or asses today.

Our "Beach House"

Gigi and I arrived in Southport, NC Tuesday night. We have a nice quiet site for out RV in the back section along a fence. We are surrounded by elderly trailer people so I can’t imagine any block parties.

It took me forever to back in the 5^th wheel. I hate the way a 5^th wheel backs. I much rather back a traditional trailer. The 5^th tows better hands down.

I’m headed back home to work and then plan to get back here by weeks end. Gigi is going to stay for the week with the dogs. I’m taking Haley with me back to Charlotte.

Early Friday I plan to head back with the Jeep in tow along with some other stuff to round out our new home at the beach. Yes I know it’s an RV in a trailer park but it sounds better to say it’s my beach house.

I'm Having Fun Yet...

We may have found a new favorite place to RV.

Hilton Head, SC has something for everybody, whether you are filthy rich or any ordinary person. The place is low key and well preserved in it natural state. Any development is well hidden.

We stayed at the RV resort and Yacht club. The site we stayed on was waterfront with a floating dock. The site was owned by Mark Martin, any NASCAR fan will know that name.

The dock allowed me to set up my little boat Origami II and continue with the motor break in and getting familiar with boating.

I learned many lessons over the many hours I spent on the water:

Things can go wrong quickly, have a plan b.

Tie the anchor rope on more securely.

Add an anchor to the shopping list.

Salt water is very salty and sticks to everything. There was enough dried salt on my motor to collect. My skin had visible salt and my toenails were white from salt.

Reference a tide chart before heading out. The tide here changes 7 feet or so and makes some waters completely impassible.

Apparently the world renowned physicist, Dr. Stephen Hawking, has a part time job at NOAA announcing the weather forecasts for southern SC and the Georgia coast.

Get a local nautical chart and know where the shoals are. This along with knowing the tide will keep the prop out of the dirt.

Get more familiar with the loading of the boat and setting the trim. One person in this boat is very different than two people. It actually runs better with two people. Under power by myself, the nose would tend to plow after the boat planed.

All in all the boat performed well. I spent hours following dolphin. Sunday I took the boat all the way to the ocean to the wayward buoys. I saw a small sea turtle coming up for air and some black dolphin. In the shallows I saw many large horseshoe crabs, jelly fish, and schools of fish always swimming for their life from a larger fish.