Traffic Humps and Bumps

I despise traffic bumps. I slow down for a traffic bump, but fully expect to be jostled.

I really hate people that cross traffic bumps like they are carrying a load of nitro-glycerin.

They’ll slow down to a crawl and sloooooowly crawl over the front tires, then slowly cross the back tires. Usually they are in what I classify as a fat man car like a Mercedes or Cadillac. Hell, those cars are made to absorb shock to keep your fat-ass comfortable.

People please, speed up a bit. Expect your tits to bounce and your drink to slosh. Move a bit faster over the bumps for gosh sakes.

I really like traffic humps. These are all over Charlotte and they are quite reasonable in their expectations.

Traffic humps require you to slow down to 25 mph. Cross any faster and your ass is flying all over the place. At 25 or less you experience a slight rise and fall.

4 comments:

Jay Gray said...

A traffic hump/bump killed my Mazda 6. I now despise these. A hump/bump you ask? Yes! It was a traffic hump with a traffic bump on top! So it was this massive thing taking up all of my road. While going over this hump-de-bump in a slightly faster than I should have manner, I cracked something in the bottom of my car which would allow oil to slowly drain out without my knowledge. Then one day the oil light came on. To me that means "Check your oil". So I figure I am save for a few miles till I get to an auto parts store. In fact this means, "Hey jackass, you have no oil, no I am gonna kill your engine". So come 8am on my way to work one Friday, I am dead stopped in the middle of an intersection. People do not take kindly to this.

Lucky for me I am both witty and convincing because somehow I got insurance to claim it as a collision and I only had to pay the $250 deductable toget the $4000 engine replaced. I then sold that POS and bought my lovely 4runner. Now I do not fear the hump-de-bump.

TerryC said...

Haven't you covered this topic before? If it still bothers you, maybe you should get help. Kidding ;) !

Anyway, we have plenty of both here on STX. There's nothing we can do about them so we deal with them. I hate it when people drive too fast on our roads with all the little critters running around.

Ali Kat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ali Kat said...

Here, we call them speed bumps. I always hated the people who went slow over them too. But now, in my ninth month of pregnancy - I HAVE to go real slow, or I'll either throw up or pee my pants. Reggie, just be glad you don't live near me ;)