Don't Get Me Started

I hate it when I get into an innocent conversation and I am forced to perform some math in my head. This happened to me twice yesterday. Once was with some zipper booted insurance guy, and the other was with my own dear wife.

The issue with my wife even involved metric measurements which compounded my frustration. “Now Cedie gets 40 milliliters and the bottle is 5 pickleliters, how long with her medicine last at two doses a day?”

If several people are involved in the same math calculation I’ll just fake it like I am calculating, when I am really just waiting for someone else to come up with the answer.

When faced the mathematic surprise at first I panic, and then I get a bit angry. Finally I bring up that part of the brain that likes to rest and tell it to start cranking out math quickly so the people outside my head will think I am smart.

Soon I can smell the faint but distinctive smell of ozone as my brain tubes over heat. I will often attempt to start a diversion so my head can get away from math and cool off. Or hope that we can drop the calculation for Pete’s sake.

All the while my subconscious is thinking, “Reg…look around for a calculator, quickly!”

I think bringing up math is just wrong. It like me asking you a question and then say, “Let’s jog while you answer”. You weren’t prepared to jog and neither was I prepared to do math. Math has no place in normal conversation.

I even take my time with my score card and prefer a calculator adding that thing up.


Michael said...

I don't know about all that math stuff, but I think all drinks at the Pickled Greek should come in pickleliters.

Ali said...

Ha! You sound like me!
In a group situation I usually tilt my head and do that pensive look to the side as if I'm working it out it my mind - but really I'm going "oh, I'll have to ask where she got her shoes!" and waiting for someone else to answer so I can say "oh yes, that's right!"
But most of the time I just stare blankly at someone and then say "why are you asking me? I don't do math!" then I laugh.
Words yes, numbers no.

TerryC said...

Yes, the pretend thinking thing. I do it all the time. With Michael around, I KNOW he's actually working those brilliant brain cells of his.

Hmmm, how big is a "pickle eater"?
I'll get Michael and my calculator and we can double check everything.

Anonymous said...

I am with you on this! I used to pretend to be trying to figure it out too. Sort of move you lips like you are adding or something. Now I say, "You do the math".
I can barely do math with a pencil and paper and I for sure can not do it in my head! Don't have much of a math lobe in my brain.

Anonymous said...

I hate math. So why I'm in the student loan business I have no idea. Thank god they have online calculators for us to use. I must be good at the fake thinking thing too because people generally think I'm smart. (These same people obviously don't read my blog and see all the stupidity I get myself into.)

Reggie Hunnicutt said...

looks like we all fake it. So who is doing the actual math?

Anonymous said...

The Asians?

Alyssa said...

I always think when people ask calculation questions it's rhetorical. Or it should be.

TerryC said...

Great photo of you anf Gigi!!

Ali Kat said...

I always use being a music teacher as an excuse. People say "You're a teacher, you should know this" and I say "A music teacher only needs to count to four"! Ha, ha;)