I Got Mad...Real Mad

Normally, I’m a fairly laid back guy that is slow to anger.

This morning however, I passed go, and all of my usual safety checkpoints to achieve full throttle anger in less than 30 seconds. I could feel my face flush with red. All this anger was unleashed with a TSA agent at security screening.

It seems I had broken the law that was clearly posted on a sign about 20 yards away. My crime was that I had sun screen in a container that put my fellow passengers in peril.

[Sidebar] Damn this guy beside me smells like bacon.

Anyway, I guess I started stewing at curb side check in. Gigi dropped me off beside 4 sky caps that were cutting up and laughing. I thought what a jovial bunch and handed them my bag and paperwork.

They looked at me like I was some elderly fool and pointed to a line 30 yards away with three fuming people standing and staring at the happy sky caps. Okay, I go in the line that I didn’t see at first and wait. I have no problem with that. In fact I felt rather foolish to assume I was next.

I soon discovered why everyone was fuming. The 4 idiots continued telling jokes and cutting up for the next few minutes. Then suddenly as if they were cued, they all walked to the line and started checking us in.

Why did we have to wait for no reason? I guess it was a good joke.

In seconds I had my boarding pass and instructions to go to the security check point A. I usually go to B because it is bigger and faster.

I got to A with a belligerent line of passengers that were on the verge of lighting torches and pulling out pitch forks. The line was not moving at all and it was very long.

Then one of the bright sky caps came by and suggested we all go to B where there was no line at all. In unison everyone told him we were instructed to go to this check point. He said it didn’t matter and while the other unloaded their rage on him I scooted to check point B.

My carry on bag was pulled for inspection. The guy opened my bag and explained that I had a problem. He then dumped the contents of my toiletries on the counter. He further said I should know better because the sign clearly was posted at the check point that I was in violation of the rules.

“I packed in my bedroom and not at the sign”, I said. “How was I to know?”

The agent became miffed so I dissolved into a confused elderly man to get back at this asshole.
“Are all these things dangerous? Lets see, is this dangerous?” I asked.

“Sir, its not that it is dangerous, it has to be in a 3½ ounce container.”

“So I can keep it if I squirt out all but 3½ ounces?”

“No, you must have only 3½ ounce bottles and they must all fit in a quart bag.”

I looked at all of my stuff on the table. “Are these eye drops dangerous?”

“No you can keep those. They don’t count.”

“Was the notice about the eye drops on the sign back there?”

He is becoming as mad as I am and I’m feeling good about it. Meanwhile the line is stalling.

“Is this inhaler dangerous because I might need this? How about these razor blades, can I have them?”

“They don’t count either.”

Finally he gets frustrated and takes the two sun screen bottles.

“Are those dangerous to the other passengers?”

“No, you just can’t have them. They are more than 3½ ounces.”

By now I didn’t care if I got kicked out of the airport. This was starting to be fun for me and I was fueled by anger.

“Sir, just leave these three bottles and you are free to go.”

“Now everyone is safe?”

He didn’t say a word and I slowly packed.

It is fun to play the part of an old fool. I could get used to this.


Unknown said...

And once again, the danger that is Osama Bin Reggie has been contained!!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. RAZOR BLADES are ok? But sunscreen isn't? Yeah... that makes sense.

mr zig said...

hehehe - i know just how you felt, and I would have probably done the exact same thing you did... makes me happy that It's not just me that would do that! - also, it was very funny (well, ok, - at the time it wasn't funny for you, but now it is funny for us..the readers) :)

Unknown said...

Check in when you are there Reggie!!!

Stacy said...

i think they take that crap to the extreme.