Lobster Tales

Ever since I saw those lobsters sashay by me in a rumba line my thoughts have turned to melted butter and steaming lobster tails.

And so I was looking at Divers Supply this morning and saw some handy lobster gloves when it occurred to me that I own some butchering gloves made of 78% stainless steel and enough polyester woven in to keep it together. It seems to me that these gloves would be superior to the off the shelf PVC lobster gloves.

Then I will need a snare, a bag and a gauge. The bag and gauge are extremely optimistic that I’ll actually catch a lobster. That should put me in the lobster bidness.

There are lobsters off our coast and they are huge but there is a limited season and even more limited opportunities to catch them.

I’ll be ready next trip down. I suppose I will spend time now mentally catching a few and checking local laws and size limits.

I’ll need to figure out how to measure them…it is something complicated like measuring their ear lobes.

Please feel free to share your personal lobster tales.

First Blog News Conference

Things have really changed around here. First my collection of three legged dogs has doubled. The delivery of my insulated Dickies is imminent. I am debating the concept of actually buying a snuggie. And I bought a Magic Jack yesterday and the darn thing works well.

I am dealing with an egg surge of epic proportions and must come to a long term conclusion. 10 to 11 eggs a day is a lot of eggs.

Plus the studios at Mental Vacation have been remodeled. According to modern education theory, if you spend more money on school buildings you produce smarter students. Assuredly you will see better content in this blog from the recent remodel.

In the past year we have installed new windows, replace carpet with fake hardwood flooring, complete wrapped the home in shake vinyl shingles, new garage door, new exterior lighting, repaired rot where is was found (we found a lot of rot), new chicken facility, a barn extension, and more to come before we button up for the winter.

There were a lot of things wrong with this house built in 1974.

This concludes my formal statement. I am willing to take a few questions from the floor.

Special Bonus Post - 25% More! Free Prize Inside

Look at the size of this one egg. They are double yoke eggs.

Stuff Going Down

I usually run around with a pocket bulging with change and I have change reservoirs stashed at work and home.

In St Croix there is no sales tax and most everything is rounded to the dollar. I came back last week with one single quarter.

A friend of mine is going to prison. He has pleaded guilty and is working out a sentencing deal. I just can’t believe anyone would do such things at the risk of prison to benefit financially.

My assistant is back albeit part time. A load is off me. She does all the shit that must be done and I hate to do.

Conditional Relationships

As a general rule I don’t like conditional relationships with one big exception and that would be marriage. Marriage has a set of conditions that I willingly accepted at the onset.

I became keenly aware of conditional relationships as a young adult in a competitive work environment.

Whenever I hit my production goals I would be lavished with perks and praise but if I fell short I was shunned. Supposedly this was to motivate me to receive phony praise and get my mind right and hit production goal. This conditional praise turned me off at the onset because it wasn’t genuine. I chose not to play the game. This may have been the roots of my mental vacation.

I recently had a relative by marriage ambush my wife down to the “f**K you” in retaliation for a rather benign comment she made in comparison to his retaliation. His conditions were not met without questions on a family matter and his behavior far out weighted the benefit of any pleasure derived from the relationship. This guy can apologize or kiss my ass for life.

I had a friend once since 1st grade and over the years the relationship became more and more conditional. It reached a point that 12 years ago I left him a message to call me please and just recently he returned the call with an apology and sincere effect to re-establish our friendship. There was just too much bullshit tied to the old friendship.

I have struck up a casual friendship recently through this blog with Micky-T and we know exactly where one potential rift lies. He is a screaming liberal and I am a dyed in the wool conservative and we have very different back grounds and vocations yet we are enjoying our new founds friendship. No conditions for now. I think we have agreed to not go to the mat on politics because it would only be destructive. We do fire shots over the bow but never press.

Just so I don’t come off as a complete phony I do have conditional relationships with a hand full of clients. Most of my clients are great sincere people but a handful of relationships are conditional and so far the payout in return exceeds the bullshit of the conditions. I am always on guard with these people.

The Weather Changeith

On the agenda this week my lovely assistant of 4 years will return in a part time role. She has been away on maternity leave for 2 months and she has been missed.

I have a dive scheduled Thursday afternoon at the quarry to try and explore the bottom with my dive buddy Bruce. We figure it is as warm as its ever going to be so we might as well give it a try.

I can’t hang with temperatures below 50 degrees very long even with a 5MM wet suit. Hopefully it will be in the balmy 50’s for a look around.

Haley continues to heal and improve although her good leg smells like the skin may not be healing as we had feared. Gigi will take her to the doctor today for a follow up.

The Jeep is out baby! This summer was too damn hot and wet to use it. Saturday I washed and de-molded the interior with some bleach. I’m driving it to work today.

Just a few minutes ago I ordered some insulated Dickies coveralls. I figured it you can’t beat winter then join it. I hope this will make my twice daily visit to the barn more tolerable in the winter. They’ll also be a good layer during cold football games.

Coffee?

What kind of coffee do I like? I like most any kind of coffee ground in the past year that when added to hot water and run through a paper filter turns in to a black acidic hot drink. Then I prefer sweet n low and most any kind of milk.

That is how picky I am.

My World

Yesterday Haley came home from the vet one day after her amputation. I swear this dog has not complained once.

The doctor that did it is new to us. We took her to the closest vet about a mile away ending a 20 year feud. We never could stand the old lady that runs the place and apparently she isn’t about to die and she treats nice now. So we may have a new vet close by that does horses and dogs.

This is a country vet for sure. Big fat cats decorate the place, horses graze in the front and one of the doctors always has a big chaw in the jaw. Our doctor told me Haley was buzzing big time then took an old illustrated medical book from the shelf and showed me how he removed the “ham”.

In the middle of the emergency on Thursday Gigi and I were in the lobby of this place when the doctor came to us from the emergency area and asked her name. We told him Haley and he asked how it was spelled. He said he likes to talk to his patients and call them by name.

In other news I have been tweaking the Pickled Greek Cam from Home with the local help of Michael. We set this up a year ago and did some adjustment while I was down last week. Call it my Hubble Mission if you will. It is used as a security cam and a fun came. The images are saved 48 hours on the computer and I have control from here.

Phrankie showed me in a post how to set up a scanner on my iPhone. Now I have a police and fire scanner for Charlotte and I set up a scanner for the Charlotte airport all on my phone. Thanks Phrankie! I am a complete redneck now.

The chickens are laying about 10 eggs per day now.

I'm Sorry Haley

For all the sheer joy and love my animals give me I know that at some point I will pay for this joy with grief and loss.

Right now I am beside myself. I unavoidably ran over Haley this morning heading out to work. The motion almost severed her leg.

She ran under the deck and I had to destroy chunks of deck to make access holes to rescue her.

We think she will be okay but will loose the leg. I am an emotional wreck. I know she is just a dog but she is my unconditional friend.

UPDATE: She is resting in recovery minus a leg and has a fantastic morphine buzz.

Last Dives

Yesterday the remains of Gaston came chugging through St Croix in the form of rain and rough surf.

Being the adventurous fellow that I am I decided I would do two boat dives on this last day before I had to pack it in.

The seas were rough but the ride was short. The dive was nice. I saw the biggest lobster ever, a nurse shark and explored a wreck.

On exit the weather had turned for the worse. I banged and bruised my shins and knees climbing the ladder.

Before the second dive we got briefed on what to do if the boat broke loose of the moor. We were told how to signal the boat and briefed on rescue. The captain was trying to talk us out of going.

None of us gave in and I staggered to the back of the boat and jumped in. We had a nice dive. Things are much better down under during bad weather.

After 45 minutes we surfaced to a calm sea. Whatever was left of Gaston had passed.

Tonight I will be home.

Labor Day

Me relaxing in the tidal pool yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up a bit stuffy….like I was getting a cold. I had two dives on the schedule to complete my advanced open water certification.

Both dives were from a boat. We suited up and headed to some dive wrecks. The visibility was poor for this area and the wrecks non-eventful. The clarity and wildlife were much more abundant on the Georgia dive I did in July.

The second dive was at the Swirling Reef of Death. On the descent my right ear began to hurt. I came back up the shallow water and tried to equalize. After several attempts it finally cleared but I could tell my system was at the dive limit for the day. Then my nose began to run. This is not fun in a mask, plus the fact that one needs clear nostrils to clear a mask of water. So I took on a bit of water and finished the dive.

After the dive we ate lunch and headed to Reef Jam a live outdoor concert fund raiser. By late afternoon I was exhausted, over sunned, well served with libation, so we headed back to the villa.

Puppies and Lobsters

Yesterdays dive was for fun. Cheryl my instructor picked me up early brandishing two lobster snares and two mesh bags.

We headed to Carambola Beach where she assured me that she knew that lobsters hide at 100 feet on the wall during the day. We poked and prodded and finally found the big daddy under the rock.

Has anyone ever told you how difficult it is to catch a lobster? It was like trying to snare a squirrel out of a bush. The lobster clearly had the advantage. Oh well it was fun.

I made arrangements to bring back two local puppies to be placed in the no kill shelter in Charlotte. This way they get adopted and live a better life in North Carolina.

Today I have two dives on the schedule.

Second Day

I got very lucky on this trip. We arrived right after hurricane Earl made a close pass. By the time we landed two more storms were headed our away. The next day when I woke up I could see that the storms had headed another way or dissipated.

Friday was an instructional dive day for me. Michael and I met up with Cheryl at Cane Bay. First on the agenda was a deep dive.

We went over our dive plans. While on shore Cheryl made us open a combination lock to test our thinking skills on shore vs 100 feet under water.

We entered from the shore and were soon kicking our way to a marker off shore. From there we descended, down a sandy slope through a coral valley and were instructed to land on a sandy ledge. I looked at my depth gauge and we were resting at 99 feet.

Here she tested us by handing off the lock and timing us. I did much better down there than I did on the surface.

We then moved off the ledge and on downward. From this vantage I could look up the sheer coral cliff or down into dark blue and blackness. My dive computer had me at 117 feet.

The second dive was navigational diving. We managed to get where we were going and had some time to play around afterwards.

The final dive was a night dive. I’ve got to tell you I was dreading this.

We suited up at dusk and jumped off the pier backwards. By now it was dark and we fired up our lights and descended.

The beam worked really well down there. The first thing we saw was literally a herd of 9 lobsters. Boy I wish I could have snagged those suckers. We moved on and saw several octopuses, fish, a moray ell, a star fish.

After about 30 minutes Cheryl had us cover our lights and our eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness. Then she moved her hand through the water and it lit up like green stars. Everywhere was bioluminescent organisms. There were thousands of green stars activated by the swipe of a hand or fin. It was amazing like I was in a dream. I forgot for a moment I was under a cruise ship pier in the dark 45 feet down.

There were several snags in this dive. I could feel my tank working loose but I ignored the problem until it actually fell out of the strap on shore. Second, fishermen on the pier started fishing and I actually got caught up in some line but freed myself. And lastly our shore point for our exit was rocky because all the sand had washed away form the last hurricane. It made exit difficult.

Back in the Sea

Yesterday I called Michael and suggested we do a shake down dive so he could test the comfort of the equipment I brought down. Plus it had been a while since he dove and I know practice is important in this hobby.

We headed out to Cane Bay around mid day. The water close to shore was kicked up a bit from the recent visit from Earl.

Michael and I suited up tank and all and began the awkward walk to the ocean. Walking 100 yards to the ocean with 70 to 80 pounds on ones back is taxing. It feels so good when one finally gets in the water and floats. It takes a big load off the body.

We swam on the surface, past the breakers and stirred up water. We decided to decent once we could see the visibility clear up and 30 feet below.

We had no real plan except not to exceed 60 feet and basically move along shore.

The water was fantastic. It was warm, very clear and there was no current at the bottom. We lazily worked our way toward the wall. Soon we were at 60 feet and below us was a white sandy slope that reminded me a ski resort in the mountains. We traveled along this slope and began to see clusters of giant sponges and outcroppings of coral. It always amazes me how a small coral outcropping (about the size of a car) can be such and oasis for fish.

We found a nice spot on the bottom and did some emergency breathing off by backup air so we would both be comfortable using it in an emergency situation.

After some time we decided to surface to get our bearings. We did our decompression stops and finally hit the surface to look around. From there we took bearings with our compass and dove again for the swim to shore.

It amazed me how accurate were with our compass.

Altogether, a very nice dive.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Midland, NC – Tanner Hunnicutt named to Chief of Security of Duke Poultry Institute (DPI).

On Monday Tanner Hunnicutt was named as to Chief of Security to the soon to be opened DPI.

Tanner is a three year old border collie with a proven track record for herding and maintaining a flock of chickens.

Rejoice

Rejoice! The Hurricane track is moving north so St Croix will get a glancing blow. On personal note the takes us out of the path in NC too. Not to discount this at all for my island of choice but this could have been much worse.

For whatever reason, I insured this trip months ago against delays, lost bags, bad weather etc. This is the first time I ever bought travel insurance.

For now I am packing and assuming I will be there after the winds and storm on Wednesday afternoon.

Yesterday I got in one more dive before I travel to St Croix for my advanced open water classes. We dove at a different quarry and I must say this place was rather shitty.

The visibility was horrible and it was bone chilling cold below 22 feet. We went down as deep as 33 feet and it was unbearable with the 5mm wetsuit we were wearing. At one point the greenish water turned mustard yellow.

We managed to dive along the wall of the quarry and elected not to have a second dive.

So not matter how much crap this storm kicks up the visibility down there it will be infinitely better to what I saw yesterday.

Earl

Hey Earl…I’m trying to get to St Croix mid week.

Saturday...Poor Mans Christmas

I’m getting down to the short rows now. By the way city folks…know where that term comes from?

The Chicken coop should be finished soon. We have a few doors, screens and such to apply, and then we level the outdoor area and actually connect the two structures.

I am going to install a light timer at the coop to keep more summertime hours of light. Chickens lay better in light so a timer will fool them somewhat.

I’ve got a lot of chores to do today. Starting Wednesday I’ll be gone for most of two weeks. First I’ll be on my dive trip down on St Croix. Then back a day and up to East Tennessee for a Border Collie rescue reunion.

So this all means I have to cut grass, stock up on hay and generally do the things I will neglect in the next few weeks.

Tonight there is a home game without tailgating and tomorrow I plan 2 dives in a different quarry.

Lastly I have noticed my spam mail changed abruptly a few months ago from encouraging me to enlarge my penis to suggesting that I may want to buy adult diapers in bulk. I wonder what happened.

Explanation

Let me bring you up to date in case you haven’t been following the saga on Facebook regarding my chicken coop.

This chicken coop has been called a mansion by many and I’ll admit it is one of the finest structures on the Hunnicutt Compund.

We have decided to Name it the Duke Hunnicutt Poultry Institute in honor of my late dog Duke who passed away suddenly this spring. He was a big supporter of this chicken project.

I have been having some home renovation and remodeling done around here for over a year. About this time last year we concluded that we were going down the wrong path with our contractor and we fired him. We had to disassemble some work which led to an abundance of used building materials.

Most of this lumber and exterior vinyl shingles and been stored under a tarp for 12 months.

Rather than let this stuff just sit and attract snakes we decided to build a coop with style and grace. My current contractor designed and is building this coop mostly from surplus materials. He even donated some time to the project himself.

My role has been minimal…mostly a fetch it position for materials and beer.

Gigi

I am starting to get a few eggs accumulated from my chickens. This morning I asked my wife if she would like some scrambled eggs and toast.

“Boiled”, she said.

The she asked if the eggs would be our chickens and I said they could, even though I have some older store bought eggs.

She made a face and told me she doesn’t think she can eat our unborn grandchildren.

Complex Day

A strange day it was yesterday. I went to work as normal.

My home remodeler said he would come by and put in some time on the chicken coop. He has agreed to get me dried in and I can finish it or he’ll do it on the clock. In either case this coop rocks.

I decide to call my dive buddy who was supposed to do a deep dive at Lake Jocassee, SC. The lake is incredibly clear and at 130 feet is a cemetery and further down is an in tact lodge used as a hotel years ago.

Well I found out that the dive went badly. On the first dive my friend and his dive buddy made it to the cemetery but then his buddy starting freaking out. My friend assumed it was nitrogen narcosis and motioned for them to go up to around 70 feet. His buddy got better but still had a wild eye look about him. They surfaced safely not achieving their goals.

The second dive was worse. Two pairs of divers went down. My friend had a new buddy this time. As they hit bottom my friend saw one of the other divers signal a problem. He was out of air. Apparently the diaphragm ruptured and all his air was escaping. His buddy offered his backup air but the guy couldn’t seem to take in air.

My friend came over and offered his air. This worked but the backup regulator failed on his unit so my friend was airless. He started grabbing for air and they had a cluster of divers short on air and nerves rapidly ascending as a group.

Now was a fear of the bends from serious decompression. They all got oxygen and so far so good.

My friend told me that at one point he was sure he was going to die.

Wow. This really makes me think long and hard about this sport. And it makes me want to really see that cemetery for myself all at the same time.

Then late in the afternoon I stop by the club for a beer and see what is on the menu. I learned that a member that I know well has been indicted for fraud. $42 Million or which he personally gained $5 million.

It makes me glad that I struggle in honesty. I would not trade places.

Labor Day Early for Me

Sunday I was a busy fellow….and remember this…I am not a fan of manual labor.

I cleaned horse stalls, the chicken coop, cut the grass, sprayed defoliant around the property and by late afternoon it was time to start the chicken coop.

The coop will be placed beside their spacious outdoor facility. Then the two will be tied together after the outdoor portion is leveled and backfilled. Once this is complete I think I could have as many as 20 chickens and assume I was be in the chicken business a long time.

We started with the foundation and digging holes. Fortunately the ground was fairly soft but the heat and humidity was high. I found the task exhausting.

We then placed the piers and leveled and squared it all up. By now it was nightfall and we called it a day.

We have designed this coop to be dry, warm, yet well ventilated. Winters here are nasty, cold, dark and wet. This effects egg production so they’ll have lights and radiant heat. In the summer box fans will keep them relatively cool.

Oh and I did get another egg yesterday.

A Thing of Beauty

I grew up in Durham (pronounced Derm), NC. Durham was a tobacco town and home to American Tobacco and Leggit and Meyers Tobacco and the Durham Bulls Baseball Team. It was a blue collar town that reeked of tobacco.

We had a wonderful place downtown that made the best hotdogs on the planet bar none. At least we thought so. It was Amos N Andy, a small standing room only unless you were luck enough to get a seat in the shoe shine stand. Get a few dogs all the way and a Pepsi and you would be in heaven.

They closed up decades ago but sold their chili recipe to another hotdog dive in Durham.

Last night my friend grabbed a few quarts of chili, their slaw and we reconstructed the good old days of Derm Dogs.

Air Fills?

Yesterday I called down to Cane Bay Dive shop to see if they did air fills at all their locations. I was curious if they did air fills at The Divi location. The Divi is on the east end south shore and about the closest shop to where I will be staying.

“No...we only do air fills at our main location.”

So last night (harp strumming) I dreamed I was down on the island on day one just wasting time when I could be in the water. I got down to the beach at the Divi and the whole beach was draped in thick theater curtain and the ocean view was completely blocked by the same type of curtain.

I went down to the waters edge and lifted the heavy curtain and was told that this are was under construction. I decide to walk along until the curtain ran out so I could see what was going on. Behind the curtain was a raging storm with high waves.

Then I decided to go back to the villa where someone had placed a New England Patriots game helmet and a practice helmet with shoulder pads in the living room. I was sure this was a trap so I finally touched the helmet with a long stick from another room. I could then see it was actually a Houston Texans logo on the helmets and was relieved.

Trip Planning

All eyes to the southeast as I keep watch over the tropics for storm development. You see, in just two weeks I will be traveling to the womb of hurricanes at the peak of hurricane season.

Yesterday my compass arrived and I installed it in my backup regulator that I will leave on the island.

I want to use my own dive gear while I am there but I am limited to a 50 lb bag at a check price of $25. So if a second bag is necessary I will check that with my travel partner for $25 instead of paying $30 for a second bag.

Divers actually use lead weights to keep the down and to offset buoyancy of air tanks, lungs and wetsuits. I use 14 pounds most of the time. The weights fit in my vest and I want to take them too. I may need to disperse these weights around in my checked and carry on bags.

I am also taking a small cylinder of back up emergency air called by the brand name Spare Air. In order to do this legally the tank must be decompressed and disassembled. I’ll do this and reassemble it down on the island. This also means I will need to take my Spare Air filler which weighs a few pounds.

Hopefully this evening I can get in another practice dive at the quarry.

Nicknames

Living in the south and being a guy means that one will have a nickname.

Currently I know or have been called one of the following, Humps, Catfish, Head, Monkey Tail, Tail, Peen, Otis, Eddie, Binky, Ass Breath, Q, Pecker Head and there is always a DJ or PJ and Junior around.

Eggs?

I was looking at baby chicken pictures and thought, “Where have the months gone and where the hell are my eggs?”

Sunday was the official day I was expecting the chickens to lay. I did get one egg two weeks ago but so far that is it.

I have been told in the beginning to expect small eggs and many double yoked eggs. Then the hens will get in the groove of things and should produce 250 eggs each their first year. Gradually the production will decline (after my third bypass) and each chicken should produce 1,000 eggs in a lifetime.

Activity has picked up back at the chicken coop. Lots of eating and squawking so I feel certain we may have a Denny’s moment any morning.

My Hobby

I like having a hobby that has its own logo.

Riding the Range

No, I wasn’t on top of the stove pretending I was in a car cause I was loading and unloading wild mustangs yesterday.

Okay it was a trained mustang and it was only one. Still I man handled that horse like only wReggie can. It was sweet and gentle and I kindly asked if she would go in and go out of the trailer and she did.

I had to haul her from the backyard of a doublewide fully loaded with the nicest white trash you ever would want to meet. All of them were smoking cigarettes; all the women had on Daisy Dukes, even the fat old grand mother. The kind of folks you would find running a meth lab but nice.

We waded through the various generations of chickens and made out way to a fenced area. She loaded easily and transported easily.

On arrival we had an audience of roosters, cows, a horse, dogs and many goats.

I know now that there are animal folks crazier than Gigi and me.

The Root Canal

It was a piece of cake relative to what it could have been.

My body does not make efficient use a pain deadeners like Novocain so dentistry is never pain free. My father had the same problem. A good injection will block out most pain but those breakthroughs are painful.

And so he started drilling and it went fine. Then he started digging each root removing the live nerve and that went fine until number 4. It hurt like hell. He poured in more painkillers directly on the nerve. It hurt much less.

Overall not bad…. seriously Teresa. I have had crowns that cause more discomfort.

Oh…I could have bought a 50 inch TV for what it all cost too. But that is the cost of maintaining a buff 54 year old body.

I Hate This Crap

For the past week I have had a crown working loose on one of my molars. I made a mental note to call the dentist to get it reset.

Last weekend I dove in the quarry and when I hit cold water the darn thing hurt a bit.

Monday and Tuesday I felt like crap. I was tired and I had a headache. I even came home early Tuesday and slept 4 hours in the afternoon but was curious because I didn’t have a fever.

Today I went to the dentist to get the crown re-cemented and I found out it was fine.

I have the early stages of an abscess and I am lucky I suppose. He said that it would only get worse and become one of those situations people talk about when they have an abscess.

So Thursday…I have my first root canal. Joy.

PS…I hear there are pictures on the Internets of Mic sleeping in the yard on a mattress.

Hump Day Eve

Ever notice how most house painters are associated with being drunks? Ever noticed a paint can opener has a bottle opener on one end? Just saying…..

I Was a Child Again

Last night we had a horrendous thunderstorm move through. There was frequent lighting, heavy rain, and high winds. It went on for hours.

Cedie came to me for comfort but decided it would be safer with Gigi.

Soon we lost power.

I had started supper and it was mostly done except the steak. We ate by candlelight.

By 8:30 I was bored and drifted off to sleep on the sofa. I would wake up every so often to check for power. I could hear the comforting rumble of heavy lineman trucks in the distance.

Somehow for a moment I had the child-like feeling that all was right in the world and someone was looking after my well being. It was a nice comforting feeling I rarely get as an adult.

Just Two Things Today

Can’t understand why some people actually enjoy buying tires. I know two tire freaks that replace perfectly good tires because they like the feel of new tires.

You ever notice that house guests always grab a glass or coffee cup from the cabinet that rarely gets used by the actual owner? I hope they blow the dust out before they use it.

Why Am I Smiling?

Literally 4 weeks from today I will be in the air headed for Miami and on to St Croix. And no, I am not ashamed.

I have a super deal. Out of pocket the trip and lodging and car are costing me $510 for the week……a whole week! $72 a day! I can’t vacation at a local beach for that and I’m talking I’ll be in paradise with coconut trees and a clear warm ocean.

Now I will be expecting to eat and have some adult beverages but plan on buying some groceries and fantastic local rum at less than $7 a bottle. And I’ll buy gas and be diving but still this is inexpensive.

The airline ticket is valued at $611 right now but I used 30,000 American Miles so mine is free. This is off season so the normal 50,000 to 60,000 miles was not required.

And guess what? St Croix is actually cooler than we are this time of year so I’ll say goodbye to upper 90’s and have strong breezes with fresh air. No ozone and pollution.

I Don't Know How to Title This

My chicken (s) finally started laying. I went out yesterday morning to feed only to find one large brown egg sitting on the ground. It was still warm. How cool is that?

I got my check for jury duty for one week of service…$52.

Last night I dreamed that somehow the government requested my service and I was put on a very long flight to an unknown destination. When I arrived it was revealed that I was in Pakistan. I was given an M-16 and one bullet and told to follow the orders of the man I was assigned to.

I asked if it would be possible for me to practice shooting this weapon and he suggested I needed to buy some bullets. Then he told me to hop in the back of his golf cart and hold my weapon high while he drove to find some beer and then check in to the hotel.

I didn’t feel very safe.

Can't Stand the Quiet No Mo

I have been deliberately quiet on the blog scenic trying to see if anything can be gained from being more anonymous. It just frustrated me.

Gigi and I plan to head to Southport, NC for a long RV weekend. I plan my wreck dive for Sunday.

I have been reading everything I can about the dive site and experiences but it seems most divers aren’t bloggers or will to share details of the experience.

My biggest concern is diving with sand tiger sharks. I am told that this shark poses no more danger than a barracuda however they do look frightening and are big.

This dive will be my second deepest at 85 feet.

Around home I have been straightening up the garage and inventorying tailgate equipment. I added another two burner Coleman stove top. I would really like to upgrade to one or two chaffing dishes with the roll top.

Sad

I have disrespected "Yellow Boys".

My Old iPhone

As you know I upgraded to the latest and greatest iPhone ever a few weeks ago. This left me with the second generation iPhone the 3G.

Prior to the release of the 4th generation iPhone one could purchase my model iPhone for $99 at Wal-Mart. This came with a contract commitment to AT&T.

I noticed on eBay that my old iPhone was selling anywhere from $200 to $240 so I put mine out there. My phone has been bid up to $182.50 already. This almost covers the price I paid for my new phone.

Crazy world huh?

After seeing iPhone and eBay I am considering changing the arrangement of Wreggie to wReggie.

My Planet

Greetings people of the planet Zeldor! The temperature got to a “Real Feel” of 114 yesterday. Then an electrical storm of epic proportions followed. Then literally steam hung over the land.

Chickens in the Spotlight

What a screwy unpredictable week it was. On again, off again jury duty consumed my time.

Gigi and I had a fantastic supper last night. I sprung for a big bag of crab legs and one of those cuts of beef that charges $16.99 a pound. I roasted corn on the grill and baked a few potatoes and picked up a fresh loaf of sour bread. It was a meal meant for butter.

All washed down with a great, cheap bottle of wine. It amazes me how good a bottle of Gallo cab can be for the price. Leave it to a woman to make a good cheap wine.

I’ve been taking advantage of the local abundance in produce. Peaches are at a peak now and they are very cheap. If they go bad I toss them to the chickens. Same for corn. These chickens will eat most anything. Tanner and I enjoy watching them eat.

Time is wasting now even though it is very hot here I know that winter approaches and I need to get a chicken coop built. I think I’ll build an 8 by 8 coop with a window and a few nesting boxes. It will have a few catwalks and a chicken door to the fenced area and a door I can use to get in and clean. Then rig a heat light with thermostat and a regular light with a timer so the chickens get faked out about daylight. This helps them to lay.

Then I’ll paint the coop the Caribbean colors I used on my steps.

Update......

Jury duty is coming right along. I was chosen on Tuesday then rejected along with three other middle aged white guys. I am due to report back in a 1 PM today.

I am planning another coast dive this time off the coast of NC to dive a wreck known as The Hyde.

Coastal diving in NC is a hit or miss and mostly miss because of the frequent high seas, hence the “Graveyard of the Atlantic” reputation. It is common to have off shore waves of 5 to 7 feet for days on end. This doesn’t bode well for travel offshore and especially are poor conditions for getting on and off a boat.

So my planned dive of August 5th is very optimistic.

This dive is supposed to be loaded with sand tiger sharks and sandbar sharks along with nurse sharks. None are necessarily harmful I am told but the idea scares the hell out of me and thrills me all at once.

Ossifer of The Court

I am a sworn officer of the court now so treat with some respect please. Yep, jury duty started yesterday.

I would guess there are 60 of us representing all ages, sexes, races and various backgrounds. Mostly we sit and move around to various rooms and take instructions. Finally we are led into a real courtroom and the selection begins.

This trial called for 6 to be selected and they go through 10 before 6 are decided on. By noon I am free to go but I have to be back this afternoon for another jury selection.

There is virtually no way to get off being in the pool only a deferment.

The dive I took yesterday resulted in a less experienced diver bursting his right eardrum. It will take a few weeks to heal and much contemplation about diving.

Sunday Afternoon

There is a lot to be said for not diving too deep Yesterday I did two dives on a single tank, both 25 feet deep. I was down 50 minutes total and still had enough air left for an additional 20 minutes.

One tank in to dives is efficient. The water was warm. There were lots of fish…in fact they followed us.

We decide to go around the wall of the quarry. There were areas of old submerged trees, some places had heavy grass weed growing, and yet others there was only a sold stone wall.

The dives gave me time work on neutral buoyancy, controlled breathing and make a few decisions about equipment. My mask in gone for one like I have in St Croix. I bought it yesterday. It is cheap relative to dive equipment but it works and that is what matters.

We all practice safety measures like mask flooding and buddy breathing.

I was also trying out a very cheap and new 5MM wet suit I bought online. It kept me very warm. So cheap that if I get 5 more dives from it I’ll essentially would have spent the same on rental fees.

The wet suit is now hanging out back on the porch and Tanner keeps thinking an intruder is standing there.

Pink Tank

I bought another scuba tank the other day. Now I have two tanks. It is typical to dive twice whenever one goes to the trouble.

The tanks were on sale for $139. The only one that had been prepped was pink.

“That’s fine“, I said, “I am comfortable with my manliness.”

And so I have a yellow tank and a pink tank.

Do You Believe in Pixy Dust?

I am being told with a straight face that 3 million jobs total have been saved or created since we were fleeced in the 800 Billion dollar stimulus package. But it gets better…..by year end that number will be 3.5 million precisely as predicted. How amazing.

That comes out to a quarter of a million dollars per person just to keep a guy working or a quarter of a million dollars per person to create a job that pays substantially less.

I am then told this is good.

In the Wall Street Journal this morning it is reported that 6 more banks failed yesterday and the pace of failure is twice what it was last year.

I am told the economy is getting better but certainly don’t ever expect the United States to be the best ever again. Our time for that leadership has passed.

The above was reported news….now for the opinion part. The middleman is killing us. Could I have done better? Most certainly yes. Give me ¼ Million and I would have a heck of a lot of folks working to keep up with my demands.

Things I Have Been Thinking About

Winter. The days are getting shorter and I don’t care for that. If I were a rich man I would create a well lit, warm and humid room with a gravel or sand floor. It would have a water feature and sweet sounds of summer. I would visually have murals or LCD screens with tropical scenes. I would have a comfortable chair and would dig my toes in the sand and maybe watch football.

Football. I am so looking forward to NFL football. I like about everything surrounding NFL including the silly man oriented commercials. I like live games, televised games and the rituals surrounding games.

Diving. I will dive Sunday with a couple of friends. I am going to the NC coast in 3 weeks or so and will dive. I will do to St Croix the first week of September and dive.

Work. My work has taken a turn in the fact that my assistant is on maturity leave. I am having to attend to details. I am a big picture person and not a detail person. I paint but I don’t like to sand or prime.

Chickens. These hens are getting big. I estimate that they should begin laying in about 4 weeks. I have egg cartons everywhere that I have saved or friends have saved.

Jeep. It has been so hot and we have had so many frequent downpours that I haven’t been able to enjoy my Jeep. It sits under a tarp ready for fun.

Golf. It has been so hot that a round of golf would be miserable.

My Back. I have developed a chronic knot in my left shoulder blade that required an emergency massage when I was on vacation and a follow-up massage this week with my regular therapist. I discovered the source of my pain was holding a phone pinched between my left ear and shoulder. My increased phone use is because my assistant is out.

My Lot In Life. Overall I am a very happy person. Whenever I rub elbows with anyone wealthier, powerful, well connected or just seemingly has in all I think, that person can’t be any more happy or satisfied than I am.

Enjoy My Island...See Why I go and go

A couple of screw ups….they quote two pinko democrats that I didn’t need to see and the part about eco-tourism is followed by a lady offering a drink in a Styrofoam cup.

Dive 10

I did a quarry dive this evening. Basically the goal of this dive was to visit the bottom at 96 feet.

My days are very busy now. My assistant had her baby early and I am trying to do her job and mine. What takes her 5 minutes takes me 45. I appreciate her more.

Plus I had to take a 3 hour regulatory test this afternoon. I was ready for some physical challenges.

The day was beautiful. We suited up for the cold water we knew we would encounter.

Finally we entered the water and it felt good. We dove.

I kept pressurizing my nose and ears as we headed down in the greenish water. It was cold. We turned on lights and kept going down.

I was gulping air. As you go deeper the air compresses more so the volume of air increases. Plus a cold body requires more air. The air is very dry and cold. It dried out my throat.

We used a rope to find our way to a sunken boat. No fish are down there. It is too cold. The visibility is maybe 6 feet.

We wondered over and down to a platform on the bottom and my computer read 94 feet. I looked at my air and I had gone from 3000 pounds to 1000 in short order. We made our way slowly to the surface.

The warm water felt good as we made our way to the surface.

It was my deepest dive to date.

iPhone 4

My new iPhone 4 is ready for pickup at the Apple Store.

I am as happy as a dog with two peckers.

What a Difference a Week Makes

Good Monday. Let’s see…I am back home and it is work time.

Apparently Cedie and Abby got hold of some bones at the campground and did some damage to their lower intestine. There was bleeding and Gigi and to take them both to the emergency Vet late last night.

My assistant had her first child last night about the same time so I am flying solo.

The dog bill was $340.

Strange I Tell You

I dreamed one of my business partners died in an automobile accident. I was devastated. I helped with the arrangements and helped his widow deal with the emotional and financial aspects.

In a few days my partner reappeared after checking in doing all the admin and admissions required of the newly dead. He looked and acted different so I asked him questions to confirm it was really him. He said he had talked to his dead family members and agreed to look up my dad.

He said he had a lot of business on the books that he wanted to give me and he found a lot of dead people needing my services. He explained that now that he was dead he could no longer legally work in the living world or dead world but knew that I could because I was alive.

I started meeting some dead clients…some that had been dead for decades and centuries and it was quite creepy.

I don’t remember much further but the whole thing was weird.

Long Overdue

For those of you who expect from this blog the occasional dog crap story I am please to tell you the following.

Tanner is our newest border collie and most troublesome because he is a driven border collie. He is distracted easily is very obsessive.

This is Tanners first long RV trip. He has become used to walking on a leash and doing his business on a schedule.

About the third day this conversation came up.

Me, “Have you seen Tanner shit?”

Gigi, “No, I thought maybe you had seen him.”

For 9 long days Tanner hasn’t done number two without any apparent ill side effects. In fact I had started to assume he was absorbing his dooky because I knew he was full of it.

Well, this morning it turns out that Tanner was making me an ass hewn outrigger for my little boat. Poor dog…I don’t know how he was walking around.

He deposited this kayak right in the middle of the road. I was proud and embarrassed all at once.

Scuba Sausage

Yesterday I basked in the enjoyment of my dives. Honestly there was little else to do.

The heat wave that the Northeast has been suffering worked its way over South Georgia. We have been fortunate in that we have had mid to upper 80’s, low humidity, no rain and no bugs. But yesterday we hit a solid 100 and the humidity was high.

The power came on and off about 6 times. Around 5:30 PM the 50 amp circuit box powering our RV fried.

I reported the problem and ran over and robbed a 30 amp lead from an unoccupied site to keep one of the two air conditioners running until the repair was made.

Before long I was back up and cool.

Good news for me …I have found what looks to be replica Yellow Boys swim trunks at Diver’s Supply. I emailed my local Diver’s Supply retail store to get me 2 along with a 5 MM wet suit.

Hopefully I’ll get in 2 or three more dives in the next month at the quarry plus Gigi and I may go to Southport, NC for a long weekend I could dive off shore of NC.

In NC most coastal dives require each diver to carry a scuba sausage. It is a brightly colored inflatable long bright marker in case the current takes you away at the surface. One is much easier to spot at the surface holding a 6 foot orange sausage.

And you though a scuba sausage was going to be naughty didn’t you?

The Dives

This total lack of any bandwidth has put me in a blackout with the outside world. I suppose all the smartphones and PC have drawn down an inadequate system and rendered it useless. I used to be able to make calls here and go online.

I had a heart to heart with the manager and he was unaware my wireless node was down. He apologized and said he will boot the system.

Yesterday I finally got to make my dives.

We met at 6:30 AM (ugh) at the dive shop. We loaded our personal equipment into push carts.

Everyone checked behind each other to make sure no one forgot anything. I like that about diving in that there is a culture of looking after the other guy no matter how obnoxious.

I paid for my boat ride ($160) and an extra tank of air. I brought one tank of my own. We rolled the cart to the dock and loaded the boat.

I was a bit nervous because this was my first long tip off shore since the only time I was ever sea sick. God help you if you ever get seas sick. Plus I didn’t know what to expect 26 miles out in the Atlantic Ocean.

We were well loaded for this small boat. The captain could only push the speed to 13.7 knots. There were six people and lots of dive equipment on board.

A few miles out our youngest passenger became seas sick and started hurling over the rail. Some people make the funniest sounds when they puke.

After 90 minutes or so they killed the motor and the dive master grabbed the anchor and dove down to the wreck. He had to secure the line onto the wreck so the boat wouldn’t drift. A few moments later he surfaced and we began entering the water one by one grabbing onto the drift line and working out war forward to the anchor line.

I was the second one in the water and took a quick look around for any sea monsters. The water was warm and the visibility was good at about 60 plus feet. I could see the wreck below in around 80 feet of water.

The waves were around 2 feet and there was a surface current so working to the anchor line took some effort.

Soon we were all together and we descended down the anchor line. At 45 feet the current stopped and the visibility improved. Below me was a WWII tanker that had been sunk decades ago to provide an artificial reef. I can say it was a success. There were many varieties for fish, some familiar like the barracuda and tuna and many I didn’t recognize. There were star fish, blue fish, crab spiders, sea cucumbers, and many turtles.

We dove through the decking and into the various compartments of the ship. Most of the overhead decking had been removed so vertical escape would not present a problem should an emergency arise.

One of our divers was a master diver and he had backup air so he dived alone. Three of us and the dive master hung close for safety. We constantly asked each other about air (hand signals) and personally I was doing great. My breathing was slow and controlled and I wasn’t consuming much air at all. I was very relaxed and was enjoying my new environment at 70 feet. I had obtained neutral buoyancy and could hover about 2 feet over the ocean floor.

I found a turtle and moved in closer for a look. A few minutes later I turned around and I was completely alone in what was the boiler room. I looked again. I looked up to see if I could find any bubbles. Nothing….not a soul in sight. I move around a bit and still nothing…until I spotted the lone diver.

Dive instruction says if you get separated from your buddy you are to look around for no more than 2 minutes and then surface. I hated this because I was having such a good dive and I had so much air left. I thought about asking to buddy with the lone diver (hand signals) and about that time I felt a tug on my fin. It was my dive master less two divers.

We stayed down 45 minutes after doing our 3 minute decompression stops at 15 feet.

I came to find out that the two other guys gulped up all their air and were done at 30 minutes.

The second dive was an hour later and I had one issue at the bottom when my tank became loose. I signaled to my buddy and turned around and he tightened my strap.

Far too soon it was all over. The second dive was only 38 minutes and at 60 feet. We did the first so deep and long that that 38 minutes was the maximum time our dive computers told us that we should be down.

I got on the boat, the guy was still heaving over the side and we took off our equipment and talked about the dive all the way back to shore. We docked about 3 PM.

We loaded our equipment and met at the bar next door for cold beer and more stories.

When I got back to the RV Gigi and picked had picked up some hamburgers and corn. I grilled them both while I rinsed me and my dive equipment and the campsite.

This was a fun day.

An Open Letter to The Jekyll Island Authority

I’ve been coming to Jekyll Island for 19 years and somehow this year the island hit me as distant, cold and the whole place seemed sad and under siege. I can’t explain it but I can tell you what I saw.

What we noticed that was different on Jekyll Island this year.

There was no gasoline available to buy. There was no notice that the only gasoline retailer was closed until I was on the causeway headed to the bridge. An announcement on the web site would have been effective. Maybe an email via the newsletter could have been more effective.

There is a lot of new construction on the waterfront.

There is no place to get a nice fast, inexpensive breakfast on the island. The Huddle house was closed several years back and nothing filled the gap.

Fees have gone up and will go up next year as seen in my 2011 reservation. $49 a night for a spigot, electric plug, cable TV and sewer pipe is almost $1500 a month. This should be profitable if demand remains the same. All being the same I may look closer to home.

I noticed that there were no endless busloads of church kids anymore.

Merchant attitudes were bad. Up at the strip center they were bitter about having to close down without an offer to lease at the new retail center. The attitude showed.

Mobile phone service continues to be the worst of any place I visit including remote areas of the Caribbean. Phone service is no longer a luxury or novelty. Phone service is expected and Jekyll Island doesn’t have it.

There is a new store down at the pier at Clam Creek. Nice and needed even though I have never seen anyone catch an editable fish off that pier.

This time of year is a cornucopia of plenty. It would be nice to see some vendors on the island selling vegetables, food, prepared or unprepared seafood, something to infuse some life and happiness in this place.

Some things you cannot do at Jekyll Island: confidently swim in the ocean, snorkel, or scuba. Natural ocean water sports are deemphasized here. Shark fishing is popular.

You cannot find a consistently good restaurant with consistently good service with the exception of the main dining hall at the Jekyll Island Club Hotel.

This place needs desperately to move beyond the picture postcard stage of development and needs some real life breathed into it. I hope dear Jekyll that you are in an awkward stage of development and you will out grow this. Please let this place be more than a tired old stuffy museum.

A Little Bitching

I love God and Country but get so irritated when people blubber over a flag or a cross like it is the real thing that is to be loved. They are just symbols.

The cell service and free wifi down here at Jekyll Island, GA is abhorrent. Communicating with world is no longer a novelty. I got a voicemail delivered to me 12 hours late after I woke up at 4AM for an open water dive 26 miles off shore. The voicemail said the dive was cancelled.

I suppose if I needed 911 I could ring a bell or something.

Da 4th

The 4^th was fantastic. First of all it was full contact tailgate grilling and frying. We cooked all kinds of steak, burgers, hot dogs, sausage, and fried wings. It was a meat fest. A good time was had by all and it was fun to be back in the grilling saddle.

The night before I bought a coconut to show the kids where the white fluffy stuff on a mounds bar comes from. We ate the meat to one half and I left the other half to the wild critters.

For days now we have watch squirrels come worship and bow down before this coconut. Then they stick their heads inside to eat the oily nut. One squirrel tried to bury the nut but gave up. This coconut will become squirrel legend.

Finally...all set Up!

Welcome to the RV

RV Policies

• You are here because you are a friend or family so don’t bitch about my dogs.

• If you are not sure how to use the bathroom just ask. Especially if you plan to leave a big job. Dislodging your turd after you are gone pisses me off.

• There are mosquitoes outside and it is hot. Plan accordingly.

• You are welcome to a few adult beverages but next time bring your own.

• Same for soft drinks…you knew it was going to be hot and you would get thirsty.

• We start getting sleepy about 8 to 9 PM. Plan to leave accordingly.

• In case of fire run to the door and leave.

• Don’t make any noise that will make the dogs bark. It pisses me off and it is not funny.

Grand Dining Room

The RV Grand Dining Room continues to be the scene of social gatherings and gourmet experiences. Beautifully restored in the redneck mode, the room is dominated by cheesy wall coverings and fake woodwork. The next door neighbors can be seen through expansive windows. The glow of candlelight and piano music create an atmosphere of romance and anticipation of the gourmet meal to come, if we play piano music and light candles.

Courtyard at the RV

Casual, Redneck-Inspired Cuisine at Our RV Awning

The Courtyard at the RV, Jekyll Island, a less formal dining option, is located in the center courtyard and under the awning. The awning, designed in 2007 by A and E Awnings, was inspired by a late night infomercial. Guests are offered the option of dining inside or outside, but don’t keep going in or out or you’ll let flies in the RV.

RV Amenities

TV

WiFi

AC/Heat

Refreshment Center

Coffee Maker

Toilet

Microwave

Jekyll 2010

One should not be rush on a major RV trip lasting 10 days.

I have become spoiled of late taking so many jaunts to St Croix where I pack a bag, grab the computer and stay in a villa after a 3 hour flight.

RVing requires a tremendous amount of effort from cleaning, checking out systems, packing, provisioning, and then the usual stuff of just being away for 10 days. There is the house sitter, cutting grass, a few last minute maintenance items, cleaning, settling things at work and paying bills.

Early this week we were plagued with constant thunderstorms that halted any out door endeavors such as grass cutting of getting hay for the horses. The storms also curtailed last minute readiness in being ready to leave at 9 AM on Thursday.

The final component of all this is traveling with 4 dogs. As you may recall we have had a change in crew by loosing two very seasoned travelers in the last 6 months. Drop in Tanner with the 3 remaining and things aren’t so pleasant.

Finally, treat all the dogs with flea and tick treatment that causes all but Cedie to get a diarrhea outbreak from hell.

Any very lastly Tanner had such an obsession with Boscoe the parrot that Tanner had to be restrained while Gigi protected Boscoe and refereed occasional outbreaks between Abby and Tanner.

We arrive to Jekyll Island late, rain falling and walking shits.

But you know….This is the miracle of life and I am living it.

Boring Morning

This morning was the most boring mornings in quite sometime on the Internet. No big news except what was expected…Tiger is getting divorced. The economy sucks and is sucking more every day. A Hurricane. Not any real zingers on Facebook. No real thoughtful blog posts (no one in particular).

So, I’m going to pack up my dog and pony show and head to the South Georgia Coast.

I Am a Quarry Cowboy

Yesterday I applied to be a Quarry Cowboy as they are referred to in these parts….a guy who hangs around the quarry and dives. Yes another private club to my esteemed list.

Basically I get a key to three quarries that are full of water to dive anytime 24/7 365 days a year. I can’t see me diving on Christmas but I could. The water stays the same temperature year round so if its 40 or 80 upside it will still be 50 at the bottom.

People dive here all the time, fellowship, grill burgers and hot dogs and practice their skills and test new equipment so that they can be proficient when they go open water in more hospitable areas.

I have made a discovery about my own desired to dive. Most people dive because they adore the wildlife that one encounters while diving. It is pretty cool to see a group of colorful fish grouped in a school around a reef…. and who doesn’t just love a freshwater brim attacking your nipple or ear.

But I really like the underwater geology I encounter. The rocks, the long trenches, cracks, coral, the walls in and of themselves interest me more than the wildlife.

The second attraction I have is the environment of being underwater, the weightlessness, the sounds, and the distorted vision.

On of my favorite spots to snorkel is Tamarind Reef beach because of the long deep trenches, fault lines they appear to be that run parallel to the beach. And the water off this beach is full of turtles and fans and all kinds of cool stuff. But I really dig the trenches and big rocks.

And nothing is like the rush I get when I come over a cliff to a drop-off and look down hundreds of feet while floating over it all. That gives me a big rush. Toss in a nurse shark and I’m red lining the happy meter.

So for me, underwater animals are an accessory.

Soon Come

Jekyll Island here we come. This will be our 18th 4th of July there and would guess our 40th trip to this South Georgia Island. Have you noticed that once I find a place I like I keep on going?

We will head out Thursday with the RV and 4 dogs and the parrot and snake our way down the river of asphalt to South Georgia for a 10 day stay.

The area is beautiful and very undeveloped. There are miles of tidal marshes and tidal creeks. I love to explore the creeks and dolphin visit in my little boat. The bike trails are flat and wind through the live oaks and Spanish moss.

This year I plan at least a two tank dive off shore and may do a two tank dive at Ginny Springs, FL if I get the time.

For now it is packing cleaning, planning and paying bills.

I did get a twinge of a kidney stone yesterday in the heat so I’ll find out where the hospital is just in case.

I did buy one of these bad boys to deal with the July heat. I’ll hang it off the RV awning.

I'm Getting Rich!

Today when it gets very hot I have decided I will come in a write a top 40 song and get rich. Don’t laugh…I really think I can.

First I need to sing it all through a voice synthesizer (Envelope Detector).

It needs to include many references to alcohol and specifically Henny (Hennessy cognac).

The location of the story should definitely be the club universal but more specifically if it is an actual location it should be a strip club.

I will have degrading lyrics about Shawty (your girl) and many sexual overtones.

I might include some lines about my car and sound system but that could be a song all its own.

I will have key uses of the “N” word that can be bleeped out for radio play.

The song really needs a few new slang terms that I can look up just to remain current and believable that I am a gangsta.

Oh I definitely need to talk about my rubber bands ($1000 rolls) of Benjamin Franklins ($100 bills).

What else….It would be great to have a very hip refrain or chorus. That’s what make Flo-rida special.

Worm Holes

I’ve been watching too many Science Channel shows I suppose on the creation of the universe and worm holes and such.

Last night I was dreaming that I was in San Diego and a worm hole opened up that would put me in St Croix for 3 hours but I would only be gone 20 minutes in real time. I had about an hour before my plane boarded so I said what the heck.

What happened is I landed in a gaudy, over colorized; almost Bermuda and Walt Disney inspired St Croix. It was not my St Croix but there were some people and places I recognized.

So I head to the boardwalk for a good ol’ Fort Christian Brew Pub beer but realized it had been converted into a Vegas Style Resort with and Egyptian theme. Why take a place that has its own real theme and create a fake theme?

I didn’t like this place and was actually staring at my phone looking at the time and waiting for the worm hole to open back up so I could make my connection and get back home.

6 Stories Down

Last night or should I say late yesterday I went diving at the Lake Norman Quarry in Mooresville, NC.

I got up to the dive shop around 5:30 PM to rent the thickest wet suit they had. It was a 5mm full body. Then my dive buddy Bruce “Batman” and I drove to the quarry.

The weather was stifling hot in the mid to upper 90’s and clouds had moved into the area.

I started setting up by taking my equipment to the staging area. We hooked up tanks and hoses and starting putting on wet suits. I was wringing wet and very hot. I put on my gloves, hood and Batman zipped me up. Then the tank and BC vest and I headed to the water to cool off. It was no relief. The surface temperature was in the upper 80’s.

We waited for a few other divers to join us and it started raining while we waited.

5 of us descended to about 18 feet when one of the divers motioned to surface. Then he motioned again so we slowly made our way up. I wasn’t sure what was going on because we had a fairly clear plan of where we were going.

The visibility was so poor from low light and temperature drop was so significant that two of the divers opted out of the dive.

The three of us continued on to 71 feet. The water was very cold at 51 degrees and the visibility was poor. I couldn’t make out my dive computer at all except for depth and I monitored my air.

I am learning to be a slow breather which is good.

At our assent around 45 feet we did a decompression stop to help rid our bodies of nitrogen and again at 15 feet. In all the dive was 35 minutes.

When we surfaced the sky was dark and it was pouring down rain. Lightening was cracking nearby. Not being a big fan of random electrical discharges under a tin roof structure I decide to pack up and head home.

As bad as this may sound I found the dive exhilarating. I have a lot to learn.

Live and learn

Today I am officially on iPhone watch. The iPhone generation 4 is being delivered to homes and stores and I will buy one when I can find one. I’m not one to campout in line day before to snap up the first run…no I walk in and order one like a gentleman when the time comes on my terms.

This means I’ll be stopping by the Apple store daily until I can find one.

This afternoon I am going scuba diving at the quarry. I absolutely hate wearing a full wet suit but I have no choice in these cold waters. I almost panic putting the darn thing on and even more so when I put on the hood and gloves. Nothing but my fat cheeks protrudes and that is quickly covered in glass.

Folks tell me now that the water has warmed up into the 50’s like this is near tropical.

In one week and a day I will be heading down the road for the annual (since 1992) 4th of July camping at Jekyll Island, GA. I’m pretty darn excited about that.

Finally, and I haven’t mentioned it much here on the blog but my house has had a contractor working on the exterior for a full year. In a series of massive screw ups, fraud, and incompetence will soon come to an end for now. All the debris will be gone, the exterior will look nicer and I will be much more of a complete ass hole the next time I hire a contractor. I ended up spending twice as much money getting half my stuff fixed correctly. Live and learn.

The Horror!

I upgraded my iPhone yesterday to the new spiffy 4.0 operating system and wiped out my settings and my entire configuration to the hand held device. The restore failed to work as well.

Being a nerd helps in times like these so I rebuilt the settings and manually restored and configured the phone better than before.

I even set the font in geezer view size so I can see the darn email now.

All is right in my world now.

Bonus Question for a drawing for a free Carolina Panther Tailgate invite. When is a rope a line?

What I Did on Sunday

Most of yesterday was spent cleaning, organizing and packing the RV basement. In there is the boat, 3 nice lawn chairs, a refrigerator, vacuum, leaf blower, various water hoses, TV cable, life jackets, tools, grill and stand, outdoor lights, hot sauces, sound system, bug spray, boat wheels and I still have to put in the beach umbrella and dive equipment, plus a small TV.

The actual hull of the boat fits in the RV all folded up.

This Will Be an Unpopular Post With Potential for Bad Acting

Observations on the Gulf Spill

I’m just dealing with the facts as I see them. Don’t get the impression that I don’t want this hole plugged.

That was one hell of an oil find. No kidding BP knows how to find gigantic deposits. Not since I saw Jed Clampit shootin’ at some food have I see so much bubbling crude just by punching a hole in the earth. We know there is a bunch of oil down there and the cat is out of the bag. We also know how to extract this oil incorrectly thanks to BP. All we have to do now is ramp up technology to get at it safely because we aren’t going to be running our cars, planes, ships and making tires and plastics on solar power and wind mills. We need the oil for a long time to come.

We also have a long list of things that don’t work when responding to an oil disaster. Thanks again to BP and our federal government.

Why hasn’t the price of oil skyrocketed? The president has shut down oil production in the Gulf yet the price at the pump is stable to slightly lower. We actually ran out of gas here in North Carolina at any price after Katrina and it was all blamed on the Gulf not producing oil inventories.

BP is now burning off the oil at the source and everyone is angry. Isn’t this what we intended to do with the oil in the first place? Now that they are cutting out the middle man and everyone is pissed off. This idea seems to be working for newly released oil. I wish they had done this all along.

I haven’t seen so much bad acting since I used to watch Mystery Science Theater. Politicians make bad actors. Henry Waxman needs to trim some nose hair. Folks act angry when the BP chairman goes for a boat ride but no one says squat when the President and VP play golf every weekend. We have the most golf playing President since Dwight Eisenhower and I don’t care. None of them have the power to stop this so let them R and R.

There will be plenty of time for punishment and regulation when this is fixed.

Spill Cheeker

I am a lousy speller so I rely on spell check more than most. I type out the sentence and red lines appear and then go back and correct whatever spell check caught.

What is strange is I then attempt to repair the word using as many letters as possible that I have already typed….like I am trying not to waste letters already on the page. It is wasteful in my mind to discard a typed word when it can be salvaged.