A Day in Redneck Court

Well the shit hit the fan or least the shit was tossed toward the fan today.

Gigi and I took the afternoon off and headed to the Cabarrus county courthouse to renew our concealed carry gun permit and to visit the magistrate’s office.

In North Carolina you can carry a concealed weapon if you meet stringent guidelines.

First you have to be properly trained on firearms which we have, you must have a clean criminal record which we have, you cannot be crazy which this is questionable, and you must pass a Quantico FBI background check.

Then you are able to carry a concealed firearm with many restrictions like you cannot carry a firearm in a bank, school, government building, public gathering, any place that sells booze, or if you have been drinking, etc.

I know a lot of you may thing carrying guns are crazy but it’s a normal part of our Southern culture. I don’t desire to shoot anyone but we are protected from crazies and know how and when to use deadly force. So far I’ve gone 50 years without shooting anyone or being shot.

So we filled out all the forms and paid the Sherriff $150 and we are done in 90 days. The permit is good for five years unless I get caught breaking any of the rules outlined above.

We then headed down to the Magistrate’s office to charge my redneck neighbor with littering. I have had enough bricks dumped on my property.

We walked into a tiny well marked room off the main street of Concord, NC, our county seat. There sat in the 8 available seats were a Hispanic family and a Black family. A young well dressed couple was at the bullet proof glass window getting a marriage license and getting ready to get marred in the next room.

Gigi whipped out $20 and paid for the marriage license. They were delighted.

The magistrate, bride, groom and family stepped out of sight to perform the ceremony while Gigi and I waited.

Another couple came in and the woman was obviously a junkie. She was wired to the max, had very dark circles around her eyes and admitted that she had just started rehab for heroin and was taking methadone for withdrawals. She was there on a domestic charge that she wanted to file.

A bondsman came in to bail out a few clients and did his paperwork standing up.

Finally the magistrate came in and I pleaded my case. She recommended that I charge for littering and save the trespassing charge in case it is needed. Trespassing carries a higher fine and is considered a higher offense.

So I took her suggestion and filed littering and dumping charges on my redneck neighbor.

The Sherriff will now deliver the charge and tell the redneck his court date to plead his case. I will be subpoenaed to appear in court.

What an idiot he is.

Details to follow……..gosh isn't this exciting!