Goose Has To Potty!

“Reggie, Goose has to potty!” Gigi said firmly at 3:20 AM this morning.

Cedie, alias; Goose, The Gray Goose, The Chinchilla, is our ½ Australian Shepherd and ½ Border Collie that we got from our friend at East Tennessee Border Collie rescue.

Cedie is an absolute sweetie and is beautiful. She also is missing her right rear leg which makes her even more endearing to us.

I however at 3:20 AM was in some very deep REM sleep, way off in another world. I didn’t even hear the bull whip equivalent bark Cedie lets loose when she “really has to potty”. Cedie does not abuse this emergency bark so you know she really has to go.

I made an attempt just out of instinct to obey Gigi’s command. I pried open my eyes and they burned as if they were exposed to acid. I stumbled in the dark and finally said, “screw it” and landed back in the bed.

Cedie requires a little extra attention on a potty break. She prefers to have a small tree to lean on to help support her weight when she squats. This requires that Cedie go over to the forested side lot. Second. Cedie is very afraid of monsters and the dark. So anyone helping her on potty breaks in the dark must remain in sight of Cedie.

Gigi as usual performed her motherly duties while half asleep and I laid there like a mushroom.

As we attempted to drift back to sleep we both heard a chirp, pause, chirp.

“What the hell is that?” Gigi asked.

“I think it the smoke alarm battery telling us it’s going dead. Just ignore it.” I said.

I knew for sure if I couldn’t let the dog out then no way could I climb a latter, turn on the light, find a battery and reverse this process and get back sleep.

Gigi said, “Why don’t you just disconnect the battery so it’ll shut up.”

“Gigi, sure as shit we’ll have a house fire and both die”, I retorted.

We laid there in silence except for an occasional chirp of the now dying battery.

I though, why in the hell do smoke alarms require those goofy square batteries? I have a drawer full of assorted round batteries but I know we don’t have any square 9 volt batteries.

Gigi asked, “Is our will up to date? Who is the executor?”

“Your brother Mark”, I said.

“Oh my God”, she said. “We have to change that. Mark would come in and shoot the animals, burn the house and settle the estate in days”.

“Well who else has some sense and isn’t closer to death than us?” I said. “We couldn’t get your brother Pat. He would make a museum of the place and put us in bed in a glass sarcophagus display like Lenin’s tomb. The estate would never settle. And all the animals would get fat”.

There is a long pause of silence.

“Gigi, if you scratch my back I think I could fall back asleep. At least one of us could have a good nights sleep and it might as well be me”, I said.

“I was thinking the same thing”, Gigi said.

There is a long pause of silence.