Too Relaxed

My right scapula has been killing me all week, so I decided to book a massage. My regular state side massage person was on vacation, so I went to a person that I am unfamiliar with.

Let me first say that the finest and best massages can be had from Ambrosia Body Care in beautiful St Croix, VI, by Terry and Michael.

I went into Massage Envy which is a national chain. I’ve done three introductory massages there for $39 an hour. Don’t worry, I tip good.

She asked me what was wrong and told me to take off my clothes and she would be back. They always tell you to be face down and under the covers. I guess some weirdo’s are sprawled out naked on top of the sheets unless instructed otherwise.

It takes me about 19 seconds to get buck naked, and that’s if I’m taking my time.

So I’m lying there with all the dim lights and tinkling water and bird chirping music playing.

“Where the hell is she?”

I waited, I relaxed, and I fell asleep.

Suddenly warm hands are massaging my shoulders and I am drooling like a rabid raccoon. I was startled, and almost farted.

I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Finally I came to my senses and relaxed. I did get some back and shoulder relief.


Logzie said...

Oh my gosh...YOU CRACK ME UP!!!

BTW, Dr. OZ says everyone farts everyday...why can't we all just be OK with it? It sure would help in those kind of situations! :0)

Reggie Hunnicutt said...

I din't need Dr. Oz to tell me that. Just ask Gigi.

I do like control though.

Ali said...

Holy! That's the second time today I have cried from laughing so hard.
Rabid raccoon, startled (almost) farting, and not knowing what's going on - sounds like a good day to me!
Oh no - here come the tears again.

Michael said...

Wow! More shameless plugging from Reggie. Twice in one day!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

You know i just realized you were talking about your right scapula and not your right spatula. Here I am thinking "spatula" is some weird slang for arm that I hadn't heard yet. I am thinking how does Reggie know some cool new slang term that I don't!

Anyway hope your spatula feels better :)

Liv said...

OMG! That is your funniest post ever!
But then again, I pretty much love any post in which the word "fart" is used...

TerryC said...

Wow, Reg, thanks for the advertising! I'm sure all your blog readers are booking their flights right now ;)

And...a lot of people fart while getting massages. Have we had this conversation before, or was it someone else? Or was it both?

mr zig said...

oh man reggie! too funny - startled, and almost farted? hehehe

Anonymous said...

Logzie's comment reminds me of a story book my brother gave to my daughter when she was younger. I think you would enjoy it Reggie. Check this out:

Ali Kat said...

LOL! I'm laughing my head off right now! You're hilarious, Reggie :) I am always terrified of farting at the Chiropractor. A jolt to the system when you have gas can bring it out really easy ;)