Bermuda Day

I picked late May to go to Bermuda quite by accident. It just happened to be the time Michael and Terry would arrive in Bermuda on The Roseway.

What I have come to find out is we will be there at a very festive holiday called Bermuda Day which is also the 400 year celebration of Bermuda.

So what started as an innocent long ass weekend trip turns out to be a great celebration of summer on the island. Go figure…me find a party on an island.

So I’ve been doing a lot of research about the island, do’s and don’ts, local customs, weather expectations, apparel (these are Brits with tea times) and such.

I looked at a list of prohibited items and it included yams, porn and carrots.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m all about yams and porn especially in late May. I wrote Michael and he commented that “What is Bermuda Day without yams?”

I have to agree. I’ll leave the yams and porn at home out of respect for the locals.

I can take 200 cigarettes if I so desire.

A New Adventure

I’m going to Bermuda….yep that settles it.

Yesterday afternoon I was caressing my checks that I was about to send to the government when my phone rang.

It was Michael from St Croix. We discussed manly stuff for a while then he got to the meat of the conversation. But I digress further…..

Back in January he and his lovely bride Terry were at a charity silent auction. One of the prizes was a one way ticket for two from St Croix to Bermuda as working crew members on the 100 year old sailing vessel The Roseway.

Now you have to be a certain type of individual that would find this appealing. No baths, no booze, hard work at the high seas for a week or more in cramped quarters with strangers.

That adventure appeals to me and it did to them so they bid and won.

It was suggested that Gigi and I meet them when they arrive sometime in May. After all Bermuda is closest to North Carolina and Gigi and I have always wanted to visit.

Michael detailed the trip as he knows it. The sailing times are as uncertain as the weather. But it looks like Gigi and I will go there on a Thursday in May and stay through until Tuesday the day after Bermuda Day or Memorial Day back home.

Now comes the Internet Stalking part where I study as much as I can about the island and culture. It will be my first visit to British territory and our closest neighbor to the sea.

What I have learned so far is they have a beach with bright pink sand, The Queen still has her rule over the culture and this place is a bit more formal than what I am accustomed to seeing on an island.

They must be a hearty bunch out there surviving on a small patch of land in the middle of nowhere. This will be fun.

April 15

Normally I have my annual tirade about taxes but this year I’ll just suck up and write a check.

I actually made less in revenues last year but ended up with more taxable income and paid a lot more in taxes.

You see I cut my business expenses drastically trying to conserve money for bad times. Money conserved not wining and dinning means more income passed along to me and more taxes.

This year I vow to play a little more golf with clients, entertain a little more, maybe buy a new company car.

Either that or give it away for someone else to do it.

Monday Briefing

The Obama administration has told GM to prepare for bankruptcy. It looks like Ronald Reagan’s record of union busting will be broken by a long shot.

I bet the unions didn’t see this coming last November when they supported our current President.

One tip….run, don’t walk to the bank if you need to borrow money. Now is the lowest rate you will see for decades once this budget spending comes back to haunt us. Prepare for days of Jimmy Carter and 17% prime rates. You’ll be glad you locked in at 4 7/8% fixed.

Hooray for the US Navy in rescuing a civilian hostage from the Somali pirates. I couldn’t understand why the sharpshooters didn’t have laser pointers on their thieving foreheads from minute one.

I see a business opportunity with armed and paid gunboats to escort ships. I could round up enough crazy rednecks itching to shoot something to staff half dozen boats myself.

Tragic News

Remember my favorite pajama bottoms from last year?

I regret to inform my reading audience that just a few moments ago the ass end gave way as I was bending over setting down the electric saw.

I have worn these pants each winter for at least 5 years as my number 1 go to PJs.

I’m going to miss these pants. And please…don’t tell yellow boys for now.

Easter

We are having a cool spring but its spring none the less and I am grateful.

Yesterday I bought all of my spring flowers and set 90% of them out around my deck. I am gay about flowers. I love them like I do doilies. Neither is necessary but they make life better.

When I was a small child Easter marked the end of the Great Holidays in my mind. They started with Halloween then on to Thanksgiving, Christmas and it all culminated with Easter. This marked the beginning of summer in the calendar of my young mind.

Today I have a few more things to do around the deck and then guests come over in the afternoon. I will grill a leg of lamb. We will eat outside if it’s not too chilly.

Wreggie Gets Political

I just noticed that when I rearranged my blog links a few weeks ago to a lower spot on the right column that I deleted the links by accident. I’ll get your links back up this weekend. Sorry, I hope I didn’t come off snobby not having my fellow bloggers there with me.

I am up early for two reasons. The weather is perfect and I am playing golf at 1:10 PM.

Second, it is Masters Weekend and I going to watch Arnold Palmer tee off at 7:45 AM to get the tournament underway.

I see my president is getting around to talking to the enemy now like he promised and they don’t much want to talk to him. North Korea and Iran pretty much hate everyone and they have at least unofficially snubbed my president. I hope he has a plan B.

Mr. Obama sent the congressional black caucus to Cuba for talks and Fidel and Raul seemed more than happy to jump in the sack with the US. Next year this time we’ll be drinking Cuban Rum and smoking Cuban cigars for sure. I wonder if they’ll have a non stop from Charlotte.

I did see Mr. Obama is winding down the war in Iraq as he promised but starting up another major conflict with the Afghans. This doesn’t seem wise to me but who am I to say. The Soviets tried with 110,000 troops and couldn’t flush the scourge out of the rocks.

Personally I would continue this conflict with drones and small tactical forces to keep the bad guys at bay but again who am I to say. Afghanistan just looks like a bunch of rocks to me.

Rwednesday with a silent "R"

I woke up this morning to learn that the Russians and Chinese have been spying on me. Yes right here in my home.

They both have penetrated our electrical grid which runs right up to my bathroom hairdryer.

That kind of gives me the creeps. Where’s my tin foil hat?

The human mind and psychology amaze me always.

Why would anyone judge their complete future on their current condition only, without considering their complete past?

The best advice I ever got was “Never judge your life by its lowest point”.

What I am seeing now are fatally stupid decisions being made in this economic climate. The decisions are being based on irrational fear of the future and the present without regard to the facts of the past.

Lighten up people. Happiness doesn’t always spawn from excesses. We are building character here.

Or maybe people are just plain dumber than I suspected?

My Weekend

Saturday was one of those 10.0 days as far as I am concerned. It was clear and 73 degrees with slight breezes.

I spent the entire day outside replacing the vertical deck rails.

Earlier in the month the deck was power washed to bring back some new life to this now ageing deck. With the addition of the new rails I gotta say the old deck is looking good.

I bought some plants and a 27 foot rope light for the “dining area” of the deck. I finished the job, blew off debris and saw dust and fired up the rope lights. It looked good.

This morning when I got up to let the dogs out I noticed I forgot to turn off the rope lights. Three of the dogs ran out immediately to the picnic table and starred at the lights like perhaps an alien had landed over night.

We have two cold nights coming and then I think we may be out of the woods as far as winter is concerned.

I also “Jailbroke” my iPhone yesterday. Jailbreaking is a method of hacking an iPhone to allow 3rd party applications that Apple doesn’t offer. I now have video and can tether my phone to my PC to gain access to the Internet from the 3G network.

Today I picked up 8 bales of hay and unloaded two bags of feed for the horses and then burnt the burn pile. It still had Christmas wreaths in the pile and they set ablaze like gasoline.

Now it was time to fire up the lawn tractor for the season. The tires were flat and the battery was dead. It finally fired up with the proper charge and I cut the grass after picking up an entire winter worth of broken limbs and sticks.

I love the results of yard work but I gotta tell you I hate every minute of doing it. I wanted to get on the lake this weekend.

Cheese Toast

It stopped raining this morning! It has been raining for many weeks with few breaks. Yea blue skies! Boo rain.

I love cheese toast. I made it yesterday and today. Nothing fancy…good Colby jack cheese, butter and I like Pepperage Farm Sourdough bread. Did you know you can find Pepperage Farm Sourdough bread in St Croix only it’s frozen?

Anyway I broil it slow and make sure it bubbles and browns nicely. Damn it’s good comfort food.

I was checking airfares this morning to several destinations and do you know I can fly to Moscow Russia for slightly less than it costs me to go to St Croix?

Now talk about some massive layovers heading to the Russian Federation but none or maybe one in Miami if I travel south.

I kind of like island hopping to get there but Gigi doesn’t. I consider Miami an island because it is culturally isolated with a heavy Cuban influence.

Then San Juan is fun for a layover. There you see white guys like me just yapping away in Spanish. The next minute they are talking in English better than I can speak.

Next St Croix where the whites speak plain old run of the mill English with no discernable accent but the black have this wonderful thick accent and speak Cruzan along with English.

Damn that was good cheese toast. Ya’ll have a good weekend.

In the Future....

This morning I woke up early, went into the living room and turned on the Wii Fit.

“Good morning Wreggie, you’re up early this morning.”

I smiled and thought about the April fools joke it told me yesterday morning. I never thought I would have a machine interacting with me like this.

I did my exercises and headed over to the guest house to clean out the robotic vacuum cleaner. This Roomba is doing a fantastic job on the wooden floors and rugs. I don’t mind at all walking barefoot over there. No more cat hair on the floor.

On my way to work an alarm went off on my GPS warning me of a Railroad track that didn’t have warning lights and cross arms when it suddenly occurred to me.

I’m living in an age where computers, satellite driven devices and robots are a part of my life now and I appreciate them beyond them being a novelty. They really help me live a better life.

I texted my nephew at the next traffic light and checked my email.

A Comment on Life and Death

Do you ever wonder how you will die? I do.

A fellow once told me he had worked out a deal with God and he was going to die in his sleep. He did die in his sleep at age 62.

At a meal my stepfather told me he did one of those online surveys where they could predict life expectancy and it said he had six months to live. He died in six months. He was in his 80’s but still healthy at the time of the survey.

A friend of mine dropped dead in his garage while I was on the island back in February. He was in his early forties and had beaten leukemia twice only to die by an aneurism.

Just the other day and not far from here a man busted into a nursing home and shot 8 people. One of them was a woman aged 98. Imagine making it to 98 and end up dying of a gun shot.

Medical authorities have for years told us that stopping bad habits like smoking will ad years to your life and reduce the burden to the health care system. But didn’t explain that it will add years to your life at the end when you are old and hanging on. And the reality is that these old farts hanging on to life cost the health system much more that the smokers who died prematurely.

I waste a lot of my life but I enjoy my life so waste by definition must bring me some joy I suppose.

I find I am less tolerant of negative thoughts and negative people, arguments, crime, and hate.

I don’t know the answers for sure but I do know one thing for sure…there is a very thin veil between life and death.

Enjoy your day, your family, your friends and your life today.

Can't They Just Get Along?

Tomorrow I am scheduled to play golf and it is going to rain. Big deal.

Now my foursome is breaking up because they may get moist.

One my partners will swim laps this afternoon for exercise and the other will snorkel at the drop of a hat. Both activities require one to be half naked and totally submersed in water. This they enjoy.

Yet the idea of moisture repulses them on a golf course.

On a completely unrelated note why is it that crows and mocking birds just can’t get along? It is common around here to see a single crow and a single mocking bird in an areal battle that lasts for some time. I’ve observed this all my life.

Prepare For Summer!

Sunday I waxed the Jeep and the full red color came sparkling back from neglect during the winter.

Next the roof came off and Cedie and I went for a long drive in the country.

The air was cool in the low 60’s but I didn’t care. I turned on the heat and drove no faster than 45 MPH to conserve the heat bubble around my legs and feet.

This coming Saturday promises sunny and 77 so the boat is definitely coming out. I’m dying to get back to the peace and calm of the lake.

Hopefully I can find that family of muskrats I saw last year. I know if you live on a lake or maintain a pond they are not so cute because they destroy dams and seawalls. They are darn cute in the water.

This year I plan a few custom additions to my Porta-Bote like a lightweight plank floor for my dog to sit on and for the gas tank and or cooler to sit on. Otherwise everything (dog included) tends to funnel down to the middle of the boat. I don’t know how many times my cooler tipped over last summer causing potential beer hardship.

I found this cool swivel that attaches to my plank seats so I can add a fold down swivel seat with a back. Now that’s high styling.

Oh and I found a cheap battery bilge pump to keep the water out from waves splashing over. No more hand bailing for this man.

I’ll have my Bote so loaded down this summer that it may not float.

Sorry You Died Guys

I hate it when I discover an entertainer I really like and discover that they are dead.

This has happened to me twice this year.

The first is a comedian by the name of Mitch Hedberg. He is a very funny dude that I started hearing on Raw Dog satellite radio. So I Googled him and found out he died in 2005.

So much for any new material but he left me an abundance of funny stuff to keep me busy for a long time. Thank you Mitch.

The second entertainer is a musician named Stevie Ray Vaughn. Man can that guy play a guitar is an understatement.

I listen to Texas Flood and just melt into the blues.

Sorry guys…I didn’t appreciate you when you were alive.

PC Blues

I got a nasty stinking virus this past week and it took me days to shake it. I know exactly when I caught it too because things started acting strange to me right away.

It was my dear old rebuilt laptop that caught the bug not me.

I am struggling along with this 3 year old PC not wanting to spend $1500 for a new one. I never buy the low end $399 Acers at Wal-Mart because I want speed and power.

Last week I got a CD in the mail from a friend with photos on it from our February trip to St Croix. The CD was made at the CVS pharmacy shop so I felt safe to pop it right in and have a look see.

The next day my computer was bogged down and pop up were flying everywhere. My virus vault was full and the Trojan virus was replicating itself. No matter how many times I cleaned it the darn thing kept coming back.

Then I realized just yesterday that the beast had taken up residence in my “Restore” area of my computer. I finally cornered the little bastard and now everything is back to normal.

I gave my MIL a lesson on her $399 Wal-Mart Acer laptop yesterday. It was like trying to teach a pig to whistle. It ain’t going to happen and you’ll just end up pissing off the pig. She is totally and completely mouse deficient.

Something between the hand, the eye and the brain is completely burned out.

I was going to put her on my new Wii Fit for laughs and giggles but Gigi reined me in and told me to act nice.

Please Mr. President

I got to tell you I see a disaster coming and no one sees it but me.

I’m watching nightly how the local townsfolk are sandbagging the banks of a cresting Red river in North Dakota.

Two things can be done to avoid a white folk’s version of Katrina.

First, get your ass out of there now. I said now!

Second, the President himself needs to stand on the banks of the river and command that the water dissipate. You’ll recall the accusations that George Bush refused to use his God Like powers of the Presidency to command the waters go away in New Orleans because he wanted to kill the poor blacks.

Yes this all makes perfect sense now. I’m going to put on my tin foil hat and wait.

2 Days Off

We are in for another 4 day cold/rain/fog blast ending with severe thunderstorms and wind. Such is spring in the south.

Yesterday I played golf in the cold rain with the only person who could be considered my boss. I call him a boss because he alone could step on my air hose should the need arise and end my job and worse yet my career.

So I treat him with respect but he is actually a good friend and mentor. Yes people in their early 50’s still have mentors. There is always room for improvement.

Upon seeing the forecast for golf I went out to Dick’s and bought a golf rain suit and rain gloves.

I don’t usually play in the rain but will if it is light rain.

Sure as shit we tee off on number one and it begins to rain. I whoop out my spiffy new rain suit and gloves and I am warm and dry and continue a decent game.

By number 6 the others look like wet dogs and play was halted.

Any way I took the rest of the day off and actually I’m taking today off as well. I needed a rest after the stress of the audit.

Today, I’m going to get a massage, lunch with Gigi at the club and get a haircut.

The mother in law will be in this evening for the weekend. My epileptic dog has already started turning circles at her impending arrival.

Spring, Audits and Taxes Oh My

I have my annual internal audit today. I hate audits because I hate details. I’m a big picture guy in the role of an accountant today and this make my head smoke. There will definitely be an ozone smell in the office by 5 PM.

The fact that I’ll be hanging around until 5 PM make me tired.

Gigi and I are on the verge of a home remodel. We have the plans, the estimates, good credit, decent income, and home equity. The problem is we have unusual property and it takes someone with balls to give us an appraisal.

8 acres, a house and a small unconnected guest house, and a barn was impossible for the last person to assign a number and therefore no loan.

We have tentatively decided on a return to St Croix episode 16. It looks like the first week of September barring any hurricanes or home remodels.

The place we have decided on is a tiny one bedroom villa located in the Cane Bay area. This is a view from the deck with waves crashing below.

Oh I just about forgot. I’m playing golf tomorrow for the first time since December. It’s supposed to be 49 degrees and raining. Whoop dee damn doo. That ought to get the blood ah pumping.

Monday...Okay

I drove to a wedding this weekend in Baltimore Maryland. It was my last nephew to give in and he finally jumped the broom at 30 something.

The wedding was nice and it is always good to see family.

But the driving was to be 500 miles each way. It was a distance that makes me consider air travel.

I reasoned that the weather was nice and a good road trip can be good for the soul. Plus air fare for both of us was around $450 plus airport hassles and this money could be squandered in more fun ways than flying to Baltimore.

We decide to break the trip going up with a stopover in Richmond. That was fun. We stayed at a nice hotel in downtown, ate a fancy dinner, and ordered room service for breakfast.

There, that was $300 spent of the airfare and it was a discounted rate because of the recession. Plus we got some good time together to laugh and bond.

On to Baltimore and the wedding…..

Coming back we did it all in one run. I did fine, we talked listen to the radio, talked some more and the finally pulled in the driveway around 5 PM.

I then started a crashing mode that literally had me in bed by 6:30 PM and here I just woke up at 6:30 AM. Wow, 12 hours of deep restful sleep.

One cool dream I remember was that I was on my deck looking around and noticed a body of water for the first time. It had been obscured by a bush for the past 20 years. I brought out my shears to cut back the bush and it threatened me with bodily harm if I took to cutting on her.

I cut it down to a stump. I’m not having a bush threatening me I thought.

On the Road Again...

Gigi and I are in Richmond, Virginia this evening. We got a great rate at the Omni and it is what I expected. Very nice accommodations discounted for a recession.

I entered the room and immediately took off my pants for comfort.

I told Gigi, “Ali does this you know.”

“How in the hell do you know about Ali taking her britches off?”

“She blogged about it once and took a picture.”

Gigi here…..
For those that are faint of heart or easily nauseated you might not want to read this part!!
But You know you will anyway right????
Wreggie is getting ready to shower at Hotel & says “now you know the bar of soap is going directly on my butt? So are you sure you don’t want to go first??”
Me “you mean you are literally going to stick the bar ‘up there’ ???? ooooohhhhhh!!!!” “Why can’t you just soap up your hands or a washcloth….please??”
Wreggie “ No way, it’s soap anyway & I rinse it off”
Me “ I don’t do it that way & I just don’t think it’s ‘proper’ aka sanitary ….oh well , I’m using the hand soap : )!!!!!

Oh hush woman…

Tin Foil Hat

I’ve always loved technology. This inbred nerd streak served me well in the 1990’s. I loved to stay on top of computers and software.

I couldn’t wait yesterday for the 3.0 iPhone release details and now I can daydream about the possibilities.

Gigi remarked that I was acting like I did back when DOS 6.0 was released. Yes, I was one of the nerds in the parking lot waiting for the midnight release outside of Egghead Computers.

I am no longer cutting edge because technology has forked in so many directions.

What I know is I want technology to serve me.

I love my iphone more that I ever thought I would. The possibilities are endless with this new upgrade due out in the summer.

It reminds me back about 9 years ago when I attended a conference. A speaker there that I can’t for the life of me remember his name told us about all the wonderful things we could expect in the next 10 years. This guy was dead on predicting storage would be measured in terabytes that broadband and wireless networks like 3G would be common, that medical information could flow remotely from the patient to the doctor and back.

He told us that computers would be tiny and handheld.

Did you see the new iPhone application that will measure blood pressure and pulse and send it to you doctor if you ask?

My medical records are going completly digital I was informed. No longer will hand written prescription be given out and soon I could download my complete records on a memory, Google Health, or my iPhone. This type of stuff is not good for the tin foil hat crowd but I love it.

This speaker also warned of pending doom in the housing markets. Damn I wish I could remember who he was.

Sliders Anyone?

The restaurant downstairs in our building had a special on their board yesterday for “2 Grecian Chicken Sliders”. That sounds so gross that I want to do a back flip and puke.

I’m sorry; a slider is not a good name for any food.

We are headed to a wedding this weekend in Baltimore, MD and I can’t wait to get out of town. In fact I’m leaving a night early so Gigi and I can have a romantic evening at the Richmond Omni.

I have a big fancy room reserved. We’ll get in early and stay late and order as much room service as needed.

I always carry a swim suit when I go to a nice hotel thinking that I’ll swim. I love to swim in the blue salty waters of the Caribbean however when I walk in to a steamy heated closed in hotel pool area thick with a chlorine fog I can only think of foot fungus and dead bacteria floating around me.

I’ll carry my swim suit again, not yellow boy of course but a back up just in case.

Well I have to run now and check the chickens, clean out the Roomba, and unload some hay.

Tree Sex and Ball Games

My property is a quagmire from so much rain and more rain is to come today. I think Sassy is so sick of the bad weather that she would spill her bowels if she could find a sharp object and had opposable thumbs.

Oh…and I have a sick chicken in my bath tub. Her name is Ashley and she is the youngest hen. Gigi is in full doctoring mode and has been reading up on chickens. She was opposed to me getting chickens and now she wants a bigger coop.

I am trying so hard to enjoy college basketball but it just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I was happy for my nephew that Duke won the ACC tournament and I watched the whole game. But afterwards, I felt unfulfilled and switched over to golf.

It annoys me when someone refers to a sporting event as a “ball game”.

“Is there a ball game on tonight?” my FIL will ask.

“Why sure, there’s bowling on ESPN89, or ping pong on ESPN Classic 76, or basketball on ESPN 2, golf on the Golf channel, football on the NFL channel. What kind of ball are you referring to?”

We have been warned that as soon as this rain stops we’d better be prepared for massive tree sex. Our city is ranked third in the nation for pollen and the yellow clouds are just days away.

Can you tell I’m a bit grouchy this morning?

Newspapers

This morning I am slowing cooking some peppery thick sliced bacon to go with my home grown eggs and reading the Wall Street Journal online while sipping rich coffee.

Winter still clings here. It has rained for days and the temperatures hover around 40 day and night. This pattern should continue for a few more days.

I don’t read conventional news papers anymore. I read the Wall Street Journal extensively every day online. I align my thoughts with many of their editorial opinions and enjoy their fine journalistic writings on many subjects. This newspaper has great content and I pay $79 a year for it.

What I find intriguing is that once a month or so I’ll email the writer of a particular article and more often than not they’ll write me back.

I also read The Charlotte Observer Online mainly for sports, local business and news. Sometimes I email a comment the writers too but never have any written me back.

A local paper verses a national paper. Free subscription Verses a paid subscription.

I think if more people knew how to use an RSS reader like Google reader then papers like The Charlotte Observer would be ancient history. I certainly wouldn’t pay for their fluff.

Counting My Eggs Before They are Laid

I collected my first two eggs yesterday afternoon. Gigi and I were so excited.

I had gone out to toss a muffin stump in the coop and decided for a look see and there they were two light brown eggs in a cartoon looking chicken nest.

I figure with the cost of the coop and the chickens that I was looking at 2 eggs worth $100 a piece. That’s okay…I’m having fun and living large.

I checked the nest box this morning and I was greeted by a big Golden Comet chicken ass settling down to lay an egg. Make that $67 an egg.

I left them the contents of a crushed up bag of stale Doritos and they seemed pleased.

Eggs Tomorrow?

“Dude…have you ever touched a chicken?” my colleague asked.

“No”

Tonight I’ll be a chicken farmer….not a chicken rancher. Google chicken ranch and you’ll see what I mean.

I have been tweaking my chicken tractor for a week now and yes chicken tractors need tweaking. I had to paint it with wood protection and make some adjustments to the doors for the nesting boxes.

This morning I checked the fit of the doors and wild birds had started building nests in the nesting boxes. That is a positive sign I thought.

Today I felt confident enough to go ahead and get some chickens. I looked on Craig’s list and a fellow wanted to sell a lot of 30 all or none. I called Renfro Hardware and it turns out this is the New York Stock Exchange of chickens around these parts. They have all kinds of chickens but they are chicks and need to mature before laying eggs.

I want eggs now so I called a fellow on Craig’s list and he has plenty that are 9 months old and laying.

I will pick up six Black Sex Link Pullets at 5:30.

The chicken adventure begins.

New Words

About a month ago I was on the island of St Croix and I was eating lunch prior to departure at the local hangout for tourists called Cheeseburgers in American Paradise. (Yes they had to change their name for threats from Jimmy Buffet some years ago)

One of our group members…I’ll call him Joe, because his name is Joe, asked the waitress for a ramekin of ranch dressing.

“A ramekin…huh…WTF?”, I thought.

The waitress said okay and I’m beginning to quiz Joe.

“Joe, what the hell is a ramekin?”

Judy starts laughing.

“Why it’s a small bowl Wreggie.”

Soon the waitress returned with a small plastic cup/bowl of dressing.

Judy said, “They use that word a lot.”

I personally never heard the word and neither had Gigi.

Tonight Gigi and I were at supper at Outback Steakhouse and Gigi quizzed the waiter.

“Sir, what is this called”, while pointing to a small bowl of butter.

“Why that is a ramekin mamm."

Enjoy the video.......

Peaches is A New Girl

Yesterday Peaches had a few doggy accidents and acted miserable so I drove her to the vet to see if there was anything we could do.

Peaches was sure I was going to off her and she was shaking like a leaf. They actually put us in the exam room where I have put down a cat and a dog of mine. I comforted her while she trembled and panted.

The vet examined her, watched her walk, get up and get down. Weighed her and collected a urine specimen.

She has a blazing kidney infection which is fixable. Her back legs hurt from all the years of Frisbee catching and that can be fixed with doggy pain meds. She has lost 11 pounds which was deliberate and good for her.

Today she is a new dog enjoying life.

Blast From My Past

This was part of my childhood growing up in a tobacco and cigarette manufacturing town. We had both Leggett and Meyers Tobacco Company and American Tobacco Company.

Every fall the auction houses would be full of cured full leaf tobacco from the recent harvest. Farmers would come to these auctions to sell their crops and as a child I would sneak away from time to time to see the excitement.

The rich smell of tobacco enveloped the city and the tobacco leaves that blew from covered trucks landed on sidewalks like fall leaves.

This was the lifeblood of Durham’s economy…the town where I grew up.

Hmmmm....

Notice the nose, lipless mouth and hair. Could accused master mind of the mother of all ponzi schemes Burney Madoff be George Washington?

He stole so much money he looks like a dollar bill.

How to Self Destruct a Liberal – They Can’t Help It

Anyone who knows me knows that when it comes to politics I am right of a Libertarian. So steadfast and unique in my views am I that I decided no political party could represent me so I went unaffiliated last year.

What is curious is I tend to attract friends and clients that are politically polar opposites of my political views. They tend to range from old line yellow dog Chicago/Roosevelt union democrats to Hollywood greenhouse gas regulate everything because absolute government is good liberals.

What I have found in common with them all is if exposed to their Kryptonite it will make them cringe like a vampire staring at a crucifix and will result in them collapsing into a babbling pile of mush.

I was talking to a client Thursday and simply asked in these exact words, “What do you think of the President’s economic stimulus package?”

I realized that the introduction of politics even at this arms length level would expose her raw angry liberal side. She couldn’t help herself and within 70 seconds she was berating Sara Palin like she was running the federal government.

It used to be that Dick Chaney would self district a liberal but I’ve gotta say this new and more powerful Sara Palin Kryptonite is impressive at bringing a polar bear loving tree hugger to the point of spewing angry hate at a woman with a bun in no time at all.

Give it a try …next time you are talking to a liberal just toss out the name of Sara Palin and watch the fun unfold. They can’t help themselves.

Life's Thresholds

My dear friend and confidant Peaches has crossed the doggy threshold of her rear end giving out. This is not good.

She is unable suddenly to get up and down and she is having accidents. This just started a few days ago.

I know the signs but just for today I am in denial. Gigi will take her to the vet this morning for an evaluation.

On a brighter note Gigi will soon cross her own threshold and turn 50. I have been telling her that now is the time to cut off your hair and get it styled to look like a gaseous planet.

Or I ask openly…”Hey…I wonder what its like to have a roll in the hay with a 50 year old woman?”

She replies, “Oh shut up or I’ll whoop your ass.”

Oh by the way General Motors….take it like a man and file bankruptcy. You have a failed and outdated business model. Enough begging for money to stay alive.

Reorganize and come out competitive. Make something I want and I will buy it.

This Makes Me Mad Too

I had lunch today with a group of my peers and the speaker was noted CNBC conservative economist Marci Rossell. It was intriguing to hear about what she thought of the current banking crisis.

Her “warm up” was a fellow from a product sponsor that paid her fees trying to pump up some of his xyz product.

He was a speaker that constantly asked questions and expected audience responses.

Please don’t do this to me ass lips. Tell what you have to say as best as you can. The act of switching my powerful brain from listening to thinking and back to listening angers me. I don’t participate in “showing of hands” about what I think either. Just leave me alone and tell me a story.

More Good Things are Happening

I got the crown put on this morning and I can mouth breathe again.

Recently I applied for my 2 free government converter box coupons that Santa Fed is giving out. The bastards only sent me one card. I remembered I needed these boxes in my RV to update over the air station when I am traveling local and don’t want to take the satellite dish.

I went to Radio Shack at lunch with my $40 coupon and a fellow approaches me and asked if I was about to buy that converter box. He had one in his hands he was about to return to get his $20 back.

The way this thing works is the box costs $59.99 and the coupon is good for $40 off netting a cost of $20.

This fellow offered to sell me his box for $20 so he wouldn’t have to stand in line.

I bought his box and another with my coupon and that was as good as having two coupons.

Nana nana boo boo feds.

I'm Not Really a Grouchy Person

I’m getting the feeling that you folks think I complain too much so as of today I'm turning over a new leaf.

It is a wonderfully crisp 19 degrees this morning with a refreshing wind. This makes the cold mo better.

I had a temporary crown fall out yesterday and wouldn’t you know it the cold wind on an exposed tooth nerve makes you know you are very alive. Very exhilarating it was.

I tried to call my rascally dentist but he was closed because of all the beautiful snow that had fallen. Closed also was his emergency back up and every other dentist in town yesterday.

But not to worry, I learned not to mouth breathe as much and that is a wonderful thing.

Yep...It's the End of the World

Is it just me or does anyone else gets annoyed by toast scraping?

I was at Cracker Barrel the other morning and this fellow beside me was applying a very thin and even coat of butter to his well cooked toast. He was very fastidious doing this all the while making this annoying scraping sound.

It gave me the urge for a well placed liver punch but I decided to be nice. The old fart was obviously enjoying his toast scraping and I figured someone two tables down from me was annoyed by something I was doing.

We got 4 inches of snow last night so you know what that means…oatmeal for breakfast and a general state of emergency for this southern town. All the schools are closed and the local TV stations have multiple reporters on live cams scraping their feet on streets to show us just how slick they are.

Since I call the shots at my office I have instituted “Operation end of the world” whereby we forward the phone extensions to our cell phones and fire up the instant messenger and work from home. This also calls for me to put on my rarely used Fire Marshall green reflective vest since this is an emergency situation.

I Am Not A Fan of Rain

I find it really disgusting how water is delivered to earth.

Right now we are in the middle of a three inch rain storm that has gone on for two days and promises to end with 2 to 4 inches of snow.

Everything is a cold soggy mess.

Wouldn’t it have been nicer to have rain spew from geysers in a controlled fashion that would save us from this disgusting mess?

Even my dogs are disgusted with this nasty event.

Geysers with a piping system would work better. It would be sunny every day and the sky would be cloudless.

Make your opinion known and vote in the right column.

Road Trip

Good morning peoples in blog land. My posting frequency has demished which is typical when I come back from St Croix. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas I am just too laid back to make my fingers work.

Yesterday I drove to Richmond, VA where they still smoke in restaurants to meet my nephew Alan for some premarital financial planning. Not any sneaky escape clauses mind you just responsible stuff a guy should do when he is about to take on a wife and potential family…. boring stuff like insurance, savings and retirement.

I thought while I was in the general region I would swing by Durham, NC to see my mother on Saturday.

I drove and hour or so down from Richmond and settled on a cheap hotel next to a Cracker Barrel and Hooters. Good…this will be perfect for supper and breakfast.

I worked a few hours on the computer and walked over to Hooters for supper.

Never have I witnessed so many third trimester sized bellies on so many men. There must have been 75 huge bellied white guys all with hats on eating fried meat and drinking beer loudly.

All of the waitresses who looked like they were barely old enough to baby sit poked out their massage fanny crack cleavage for all to see.

Fanny crack cleavage, fried meat and big bellies seem to be a winning combination here in Chester, VA.

Cracker barrel attracts an older plaid shirt crowd of men with pants pulled up to their nipples that stand and stare at you while they openly pick food particles from their teeth.

It was a fun and restful night. I’m moving on to Durham this mid day, then Fort Mill, SC to pick up my finished chicken tractor and then back to Midland and home.

You Figure This One Out

I don’t make this stuff up, I dream it.

The dream I had the other night was so fantastic and strange that I can’t get it out of my head.

I was in my RV trying to find a place to park when I very large and very black woman insisted I follow her. Her skin was as dark as night. She was as large as the Statue of Liberty and she a big shackle on her left ankle and a long heavy chain that she attached to my RV.

I wasn’t afraid in fact I felt very calm and comfortable with this.

She began to walk and drag my RV with me and my sister and Gigi to some unknown destination. Soon she took flight and I was in tow behind her still confident that I was being taken to a good place.

We dove in a huge tunnel and the scenery changed to a fairy land like cartoonish landscape.

She found me a fantastic parking spot beside a river, unhooked her chain and motioned to some buildings across the river.

My sister and I headed toward the buildings and I could see that they were setting up a fantastic banquet with fine linens, silverware, stemware, and candles…many candles. I could see a quartette setting up. There were dozens of people setting up in a great hurry.

I was instructed to go to another building first. In that building was the most elaborate bar I had ever seen. The first seat at the bar had my name there and the second had my sister’s name.

The bartender was very friendly and called us by name and poured us both a drink.

“We’ve been expecting you two”, he said.

I looked around and realized Gigi was not there and she did not have a name tag at the bar. I wanted to go back and get her but I was told that I couldn’t and that she would join me again some day…not to worry.

That is all I remember.

I can’t get the beautiful colors and scenery out of my memory. The place was beautiful

Recycling

I have abhorrence for recycling. I’m talking about the actual act of sorting garbage, collecting cans, paper and glass and then carrying the plastic box to the curb.

My garbage gets treated better and it treats me better. My garbage can has a nice tight fitting lid and the can has wheels with a nice handle so I can roll the garbage as far as I want to.

My recycle bin contains garbage that has been deemed to live again but it does not have a top, no handle, no wheels, and little holes on the bottom where garbage juice can leak on me. Instead of moving my special garbage with one hand like my real garbage I must cradle my bin in both arms and bear the entire weight of this juice dripping beast.

I hate garbage juice.

Back in the dark ages we had a different system that involved everyone. Most everything came in glass bottles like Coke and milk. When we were finished the bottle would be washed and used again and again.

The Milkman would pick up the bottles and leave you new bottles full of milk. No plastic jugs to recycle into carpets and door mats.

Coke and other soft drink bottles would be taken back to the store and you would get more bottles full of Pepsi or Coke. No more aluminum cans or plastic bottles.

Beer cans were made of steel. Steel could have been recycled but nature did something better. It rusted the damn cans away to nothing in no time at all.

It all made better sense to reuse things until they broke.

Some Success

I finally got my Notebook PC rebuilt with a new and larger hard drive and a nice fresh copy of the legacy operating system XP. It will be days before I get the PC completely restored with old files from backup but I must say I am happy going back to XP after using Vista for almost 3 years. So that is fixed and I can chalk another one up for successes.

I got started yesterday on my chicken tractor. This thing is a movable chicken coop designed for free range chickens and egg production. It will house 6 hens where they can scratch the day away in the lower cage section. Then there is a ramp where they can travel upstairs to roost at night. There are two nesting boxes to lay eggs, one at each end and doors that open to collect eggs.

We got this much of the tractor built with the help of my geometry blessed friend Ty and his fancy saws. I am challenged when it comes to cutting precise angles.

This morning I am still coughing sawdust and rubbing my eyes.

I am going to fry some chicken this afternoon with my new deep fryer I bought at target. Frying this chicken has nothing to do with my chicken tractor so don’t think I have suddenly got a chicken freak going on.

Some foods are best fried and I wanted an effective way to do it. So last week I bought the fancy fryer with timers and thermostats and a giant jug of peanut oil from Sams Club.

I like my fried chicken the best so if we digress down to Thunder Dome with the economy at least I’ll have a source of good fried chicken.

This 'n That

Yesterday I got a fantastic surprise from Ali and Chris. It was a bottle of hooch from a place where I can’t buy it legally. I’ll leave it at that just in case the State Department reads my blog.

Thank you so much guys. It was thoughtful and delicious…I tasted it.

My Roomba has really picked up the pace and is ready for regular scheduling. After the initial filth was picked up it can make the entire cycle and park its little butt back in the docking station. Tonight at 2 AM it will make its first programmed round.

I am seeing people panic over the financial markets and this is darn unbecoming to some. How can money mean so much to some people? When you peel back that protective layer of money and see someone freak, you know it was money all along that made them happy and that is sad to me. This is very sad because life is so much deeper than things.

When I was down on the island last week I got an email that a friend died. He was only 40 and died suddenly. He knew how to laugh and enjoy life. He had survived 2 bouts of leukemia and the second one almost killed him. Yet he survived and thrived and I think enjoyed life despite the hardships.

I'm A Failure

Yesterday was full of failures. A good day happy wise but a mechanically challenging day it was.

My new 250 GB hard drive arrived and I collected my PC tools and software ready to dive in and upgrade my laptop.

But first I stopped by Costco and bought a spiffy new Roomba after seeing the impressive work done by Michael and Terry’s Roomba last week in St Croix.

I am an intuitive person…not one to read instructions so I set the Roomba to do its business in the guest house while I disemboweled my PC in the main house.  

A few minutes later I drug Gigi over to witness the mechanical greatness of the Roomba and we caught the Roomba hopelessly writhing on an elevated edge around the hearth screaming that its filter was full. Damn…that’s a lot of cat hair in such a sort time.  Gigi just rolled her eyes in disgust. She’s not a believer in Roombas.

Changing the hard drive was a breeze but I couldn’t get the software to load no matter what. For some reason the PC is rejecting the hard drive. I tried bios settings, software installs but nothing worked so back to the old hard dive for now.

Today I’ll sneak over and vacuum the guest house first just to give my new buddy a head start. Then a few calls to technical support ought to get me back on track. Plus I’m buying the materials for the chicken tractor this afternoon. Oh yeah….working too. 

Chickens, PC's and RV's...Oh my

I have managed to slide back in the rhythm of work and winter without too many cranky thoughts. It was even good to get back in the gym yesterday for a strenuous workout.

I have set up a fairly aggressive to do list which should be started today.

The PC notebook I am typing on for the last three years is an HP DV9040 that has been a workhorse for all my computing needs. I do regret upgrading to Vista but alas!...I have a plan.

I have filled my primary drive…yes almost 112 GB. I have ordered a 250 GB and plan to replace the hard drive today or tomorrow and revert back to a nice clean copy of XP Pro.

That should keep me busy for the next day or so. I love setting up a nice fresh PC. My old laptop hopefully will run like a new computer and hopefully faster than this current Vista operating system.

Saturday I am getting together with my friend Ty to construct a Chicken Tractor. 

Hopefully we can bang out this mobile chicken coup in a day….then I’m looking for 6 laying hens. Why you ask?  I don’t know….but I like the idea of having chickens and fresh eggs.

When I came back from St Croix I thought to my self and said, “Self…wouldn’t it be cool to find an old beater motor home and fix it up?”

I have found a cheap motor home on Craig’s List and plan to look at it today.

Call me crazy but I would love to have a small motor home on the island one day. I could sleep at a different beach each night. I think it would be the only motor home on the island.  

It's Good to be Known, Even at a Pig Bar

Well, I’m back at my desk on this holiday looking out the window like nothing happened last week.

It was a blast down on St Croix last week. If I lived there I would definitely have to slow down some. There is too much to do to try and cram it all in one week.

I ran into a woman the other day at the pig bar saying she was moving off the island after 9 years. I asked why and she said, “Look at me…I’m drunk and it is 12 noon.”

She was an attractive black woman with blonde highlights and gray blue eyes.  She sat counting a box of tees shirts that said, “Born Again Cruzan”.

I said, “I have one of those shirts.”

“Where did you get it”, she asked, “because I make them”.

“From Kim Lucas”, I said.

 “Oh…you’re that guy on the Internet”. 

"Yep...I guess I am."

It's good to be know even at a jungle pig bar on a far away island. 

Rescued by a Rasta Man

Day two attempt at parasailing didn’t go as planned. We got to the boat alright and met our crew. Gigi stayed behind because the waters were still choppy and her rib is cracked.

We took off in rough seas to spy out a relatively calm area for a launch. Meanwhile we were being bounded and strapped with harnesses and life preservers. I felt like I was being strapped in the electric chair for an execution. 

We stood on the back deck of the boat and let the parachute do its job. 

When we landed disconnected and sat down. I heard an alarm…Houston…we have a problem. 
The chute became tangled in the prop. The Captain killed the engine.

We were towed in by a Rasta man on a jet ski. 

Wednesday

I refer my Wednesday to this post. It was basically the same and saves me the effort of typing. 

From a Reader

When are you going to post the picture of four people and a little dog in the bathroom with the goofy faucet? 

Right Now.

Michael Looks like he's taking credit for inventing this faucet. Who is the white girl on the right? Is Terry smuggling puppies? 

Swim With My Phone?

Now that I am an iPhone owner I find the need to use my computer is waning. Just a quick thumb to the email button and bam I am current most anywhere I am with the new 3G network. A quick post to Facebook with a photo is a breeze.

Before I left for the island I ordered an Otterbox cover that has a scuba feel to it. Let me tell you the look of the phone is all the rage wherever I stop. People stop me and question where I got this cool cover and they want to know if I can dive with it.

No, the cover is shock resistant and water resistant. But could I dive with it? Yes but the phone would be ruined. Why would I want to check my email under water?  

Pinch Me...is This a Dream?

Yes the eagle has landed and we are relaxing and enjoying the view.

Saturday our dear friends Terry and Michael met us at the airport with refreshments and we headed to the villa. Saturday night was a fun night on the town in Christiansted.

Sunday we rested and hung out by the pool. I swore I would do more actual relaxing but its killing me.   

I am “On Island”

Local lore and tradition has it that when our island neighbor “The Contessa” is on the island there is a US flag flying at her castle.

If it is good enough for her then it’s good enough for me.

I am on island and arrived safely at 4:15 Atlantic Standard Time.

Let the good times begin!

An Observation

I have a client that has made a brilliant life observation and I swear it is true.

She says that the older a person gets, the more their true nature comes out. If they are a crabby and negative person inside they tend to get more crabby and negative as they age.

What happens is gradually over time you begin to let your guard down so your real self is exposed.

Have you ever noticed how older folks say what they mean and have a “don’t give a shit” attitude? This is that process at work.

Truly nice people don’t cover up niceness like grouchy people do, so they mellow in their old age and love everyone. Their true loving nature comes forward and they are no longer inhibited about their loving kindness.

So…if you see and old ass hole you know he’s been one all his life.  

St Croix or Bust

Almost exactly to the day in the year 7 BO (before Obama) I made my first ever visit to St Croix. I think this will be my 15^th trip to the island. Since then by my best guesstiments I have done the following: 

Traveled 45,000 miles by air to and from the island

Spent approximately 105 nights there

Spent $4900 on rental cars

I’ll stop there because when I added up the other things I realized I had spent a great deal of money down there. Still it has been worth every penny to me.

Over 7 years I have stayed in some nicer places than I could afford to buy and have met some fantastic people. I have seen sights that I thought could only be rendered by High Definition TV on the Discovery Channel.

My relationship with the island runs deep. I choose to return here because not because I want to relive my first experience here, I return because I learn and explore new things on every visit. Things I see next week could never have happened on a single tourist visit. I am constantly amazed at what the island has to offer.

And I will be delivered tomorrow into early summer. There will be foliage, green grass, flowers, humidity and all the things I love about summer. It is a perfect summer all year there. It never gets as hot and stifling as Charlotte and never gets cold. To be a weatherman there means you memorize that highs will be in the mid 80’s with steady wind from the east and a chance of showers. Overnight will be in the 70’s. This is pretty much year round.

Today I pack, a light day in the office, lunch with a vender and get a haircut.

Tomorrow I travel and hope time will slow down for at least a week.

 

As usual I will be blogging from the island and posting some video.  

I Got Busted

Sometimes guys get in trouble just because the way we are wired. Yesterday we had a maid come over to help do some cleaning. Big deal, right?

Oh no…she was a hottie and apparently I get this look on my face and bam…I am busted.

I tried looking away like she was the sun. Honestly I did the best I could under the circumstance…being a guy and all. 

Spring...Come Hither

Let me spread some good news this morning that spring is coming.

I heard it just the other day when a songbird had that “come hither” tone to his voice. He knows spring is coming.

There is a shrub in my front yard that produces the most beautiful ornamental blueberries in May and the little green berries have just set.

The 2009 PGA tour has made it to the continental US and soon will make the southern swing ushering in spring.

We are merely weeks from Daytona and the beginning of the NASCAR season.

I just let the dogs out and there’s damn snow on the ground. Forget what I said. 

We Need New Tennis Balls for Our Walkers

"Me hear dem sit dung and dem time fi hear dead, time fi hear mi dead fell off and nyam di fish and bread."

Another night in the ER and this time it was for Gigi.

Around 10 days ago one of the horses hit their stall door while Gigi was on the other side, and the door slammed into Gigi’s head. It caused a decent shiner and a big bruise on her left temple.

A few nights later she did a major old lady type “breaking her hip” fall in the bathroom because she said she lost her equilibrium. She scratched and severely bruised her forearm.

Yesterday a nursing student and part time house cleaner was over and told Gigi she didn’t like the looks of her forearm.

Gigi called here doctor and he suggested that she go immediately to the big inter city hospital downtown. Gigi begged to go anywhere but this hospital but he insisted.

So I took what looked like my battered wife with defensive wounds to Carolinas Medical Center ER.

This place is a chaotic zoo of misery. Very sick people are lined up moaning, coughing, sleeping all in crowded and packed hallways and waiting areas.  Meanwhile gunshot wounds, heart attacks and wrecks get front and center attention.   

Finally we concluded after talking to staff that we could either spend the night in the waiting room or spend the night at home. There was no room for anyone and they were just waiting for some people to die so we could use their exam rooms. The likelihood of any patient discharges at 8:30 PM otherwise was nil.

So after 3 hours of nothing we packed up, said goodbye to a room full of new friends and headed home.    

Why is this man smiling?

I got my bill yesterday for my fun weekend in Presbyterian hospital. $3,000.

I paid a $150 co-pay when I left the hospital, the insurance kicked in and the hospital says it still wants $850.  This is after I pay a $1700 a month premium for health insurance.

Of course I get the bill on Saturday so it is impossible to get on the phone with the insurance company. To top it off the bill was not itemized.

Now I have something to do next week.  

Inappropriate Use of Words

It annoys me when people nobly announces that they have adopted an animal.  

I feel like saying to the idiot, “Of course you adopted it moron, it is impossible to give birth naturally to a dog.”

Our latest adopted dog (said nobly with a deep sigh of compassion) Abby, is a border collie/hound of some type mix. It is so funny to hear her bark in this distinct hound dog accent, all this coming from a border collie colored face with hound ears.